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KimR

Which was more awful?

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Which was more awful for you guys:

The worst day you had on Adderall or the worst day you had in recovery? 

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What a great question! For me, bad days on adderall were definitely the worst. I remember feeling like I couldn't breath, my heart actually had shooting pains, I was afraid to go outside but sometimes felt like I should just in case I had an emergency and at least people would be around to help me. What kind of craziness is that? Also- I swear I was becoming dumber.

Bad days in recovery include lack interest, apathy, and eating more than I'd like- but I have to take ownership of those feelings and behaviors. Living an authentic life today is more important and feels better to me, even though it sometimes isn't easy. 

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The answer isn't so black and white. for me. 

What makes Adderall so insidious is that the fleeting high can make even the worst of times seem bearable  even if they aren't. But that high ultimately goes away and what's left is always a mess.  It's the inevitable coming down off of Adderall I have to compare a sober day to. Compared to those days, sobriety is better. 

 

 

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