JSS4321

Is Adderall Ruining My Marriage?

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My husband and I have had our share of marriage issues but in the scheme of things I think they were normal issues that could be worked through.  Also, due to his parents divorce, he always said that he would never do that to his family.  Over the past several years, his mood swings & anger have increased but I thought it was due to PTSD (he is a military veteran).  But...recently, he has decided that our marriage was awful the entire time, that I controlled him and never listen to his opinions and that basically I have done the worst things I could possibly do to him.  He decided that he is done with our marriage and wants a divorce.  It's like he has built up this hate for me due to feeling that way about our relationship but it's not the reality of how things really were. Yes, we had issues but everything he believes (including his emotions) are very elevated.  Since he decided that he wants to leave he has shown some pretty erratic, paranoid behavior and has written down some pretty scary things...almost like a manic episode.  He also lies SO easily and its like de doesn't realize he's doing it.  It is like he has become a different person.  Unfortunately, he only behaves that way towards me so family & friends have no idea this is happening but he is starting to show the behavior to a few other people now.  In the middle of all of this I found out that he has been taking prescribed adderall for about 3 years.  As far as I know it is not for ADHD but I am not really sure why it was prescribed.  I think it may have been along with an anti-depressant to balance things out.    I feel like I am married to someone that I don't even know.  His behavior right now is just not him at all and ending our marriage with no willingness to work on it (even if for the kids) is just not the guy I know.  He has even started another relationship which I just really think is not him.  Of course he basically 'hates' me now so will not take any advice from me.  Does anyone have experience with it causing this type of behavior related to adderall?  It is possible that the behavior is not related to the drug but after researching it and bit and talking with my doctor, it seems that it is possible.

 

 

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Short answer:   Yes

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My husband is almost 14 months adderall free after 11 years of use.  His personality and the way he treated me changed 180 degrees when he started taking it.  It was a living nightmare and that's no exaggeration.  Suddenly every mistake I had made in the first 19 years of our relationship was terrible and unforgivable and anything he had done and/or was currently doing was either wiped clean or justified by my awfulness.  He would dredge stuff up that he didn't even care about when it happened as some proof of why he had been in an unhappy marriage the whole time which was just crazy.   Just yesterday I was thinking about two widows I know who lost their husbands and how they must feel.  I reflected on how I literally felt the same way except I got to live some monstrous replacement  that in some ways was worse because nobody really believed me so I had to mourn alone.   By some miracle the nightmare is now over and I know how lucky I am.  

 

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I'm not proud of what I am about to tell you. When I first started taking adderall I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart. We had been together for 5 years. He was really good to me. When I got hooked on his adderall prescription I was so ashamed I could not tell him. He told his parents that I used all of his adderall and I was humiliated. I don't know why adderall made me think he was the enemy - I'm still trying to figure out why I broke up with him twenty years later. Breaking up with him is one of my biggest mistakes/regrets. I say all this to say that yes I think it is entirely possible that adderall is ruining your marriage.  It made me feel invincible and I was "in love" with adderall and didn't need anyone else to be getting in my way.  It changed my priorities and turned my life upside down.. sounds like it's doing the same to your hubs.  I'm sorry this is happening. I hope your husband can get clean before he loses his family. 

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I've reread the original post several times now and it is eerie how similar  our experiences  are.  It's not just the anger and lack of feeling or empathy, it's like there is a pattern to it.  The way that they perceive the past is so distorted.  We also had a marriage that in which divorce or unfaithfulness would have never ever been on  the table.  The constant lying, always saying I'm trying to control them, pretty much everything they said, I've experienced.  It's like it specifically affects the brain in a predictable way.  

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@oswhid and @subtractadderall: Thanks so much for the responses! @oswhid It is crazy how similar our stories seem to be.  I have a friend who experienced the same thing for 5 years with her husband which is why I  ended up here.  I had no idea it was a possibility before talking to her.  Do you know if your husband was taking the prescribed dose or abusing it?  How do he get to the point where he quit?  We are literally in the process of selling our house and getting a divorce.  We have 2 small kids and it's just so hard to feel that this may be preventable but he gets very angry and defensive if I bring it up since he is just over me & the marriage right now.  I am not really sure what to do  except for accept it as the new reality and move on.

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JSS4321 - My husband took the prescribed dose - more or less. By that I mean he usually went without over the weekend  in order to take a little more during the work week.  He manged to make it last until the next prescription date but he always had it refilled on the first day possible.  I suspect he did have to ration it a bit toward the end though. He was prescribed 30xr and 10 ir when he quit.  I don't know the exact amount he was one the whole time but he did say one time that the most he was ever on was 60.  I do not know if he meant that was the most he was prescribed or the most he took. 

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Coming from my own use and experience I can say that it definetly increased my anger. Some days I would come home so pissed at the world that I would need a couple martini's to calm me down.

In my relationships I would get stuck on small things and hold grudges agains people. I think the lies come from the fact the mind is moving so fast that we say and do things without fully thinking and then need to "think fast" to cover it up. Sometimes when it really isn't a big deal however I think it's just a defense mechanism while on this medication that doesn't want to be "found out". As most people on Adderall don't tell people they are on it.

It's almost an "instant narcissistic" medication in ways... 

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My wife and I are divorcing, I caught her having an affair with an unlikely partner. My wife has a prescription for adderall and all your comments are as if I wrote them myself. She is an entirely different person, said she never wanted to marry me, has combed through 4 years of text message to dissect every time she thinks I've wronged her, and now she is accusing me of having an affair and is so convincing I honestly thinks she believes it. Breaks my heart. We had such a great marriage, not perfect, but things were good. No one in her family will listen to me about the adderall and thinks I'm trying to manipulate them. There is nothing I can do to help her at this point. It seems like this is the new reality for her. Will her family ever see it? Will she end up over dosing or hit rock bottom? What will come next? Her behavior is ruining both of our lives as we try to navigate this divorce.

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3 hours ago, Sadhusband said:

My wife and I are divorcing, I caught her having an affair with an unlikely partner. My wife has a prescription for adderall and all your comments are as if I wrote them myself. She is an entirely different person, said she never wanted to marry me, has combed through 4 years of text message to dissect every time she thinks I've wronged her, and now she is accusing me of having an affair and is so convincing I honestly thinks she believes it. Breaks my heart. We had such a great marriage, not perfect, but things were good. No one in her family will listen to me about the adderall and thinks I'm trying to manipulate them. There is nothing I can do to help her at this point. It seems like this is the new reality for her. Will her family ever see it? Will she end up over dosing or hit rock bottom? What will come next? Her behavior is ruining both of our lives as we try to navigate this divorce.

She’ll pay the piper one day. Might not be for awhile but what comes around goes around and you get what you deserve. Adderall is going to destroy her eventually.

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Your story is so similar to mine. My husband and I were married for 4 years. The doctor put him in Adderall May of 2018 and what followed was the total destruction of my marriage. He had/is having an affair. He basically kicked me to the curb last November and moved in his Affair 2 weeks later. I had to move back home with my brother and try to start my life over. The things he had said to me and the hate behind them is unbearable. He says he doesn’t love me and never did. Everyone who knows us is shocked because we did actually have one of those marriages everyone wants. We were best friends and loved each other deeply. He has lost his relationship with his parents over this & he doesn’t care. He is an alcoholic and addict but was completely sober when we got together. All I have is knowing I’m the only sober choice he has ever made & he choose her while on drugs. The person I loved is gone, I’m just trying to mourn him and the life we had. This Drug is Horrifying!!! I pray for his family that someday he wakes up and gets off it

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My exhusband got on Adderall through a doctor started in his 50's he had an affair and lost his family due to his uncaring and out of character behaviors.   He became selfish and self focused.  No one recognizes him anymore.  He later said he got off of Adderall but who knows anymore he ghosted me and his family since then. 

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