2 years quit but less than a month sober

[Renascido 84]

Hey everyone,

It's been quite some time since I've posted. 

Unfortunately, things really haven't changed much since my last update, which was probably over a year ago. In just about a month, I'll have quit adderall exactly two years ago. I'm still experiencing anhedonia, brain fog, and anxiety (lots of it, social anxiety in particular, which got worse after quitting). I've been perplexed as to how I can possibly still feel this way, until a few weeks ago; I realized that I really hadn't given my brain any real break from some form of dopamine alteration. I have been relying on caffeine or alcohol for the past two years. Every day I was consuming caffeine, and just about every weekend I was drinking COPIOUS amounts of alcohol with my friends (we're young, but we definitely drink more than we should). I theorize that maybe my dopamine receptors really haven't had time to establish homeostasis, given how often I have been using chemicals to rebalance my dopamine levels. Anyways, I decided to go completely sober three weeks ago. No coffee, no beer, not even tea. I really do hope that this ameliorates some of my symptoms. 

On a side note, I have been doing a lot better as a person. Although I still struggle mentally, I have learned to take action. I landed my first "career job" just three months ago at a local college, I exercise daily, I meditate, I have a girlfriend, I have a new motorcycle, and I've developed a more normal life. I guess you can add going completely sober to that list as well. Anyways, I figured I'd give you guys an update as to where I'm at.

Stay clean my adderall-free family

[bluemoon 322]

Congrats on 2 years. Proud of you!!!!!!

[SamJo 44]

Hey! How are you feeling after this post? I read some of your previous posts and I am dealing with the same symptoms, I quit vyvanse 2 months ago. Is your social anxiety and brain fog getting better after stopping alcohol and caffeine? I'm so stressed out and feel like I can barely think! Would love to hear your thoughts. 

[anonymousdino 0]

how heavily were you abusing

[hyper_critical 445]

On 8/1/2017 at 5:36 PM, Renascido said:

I theorize that maybe my dopamine receptors really haven't had time to establish homeostasis, given how often I have been using chemicals to rebalance my dopamine levels. Anyways, I decided to go completely sober three weeks ago. No coffee, no beer, not even tea. I really do hope that this ameliorates some of my symptoms. 

How's it going, Renascido?

[Renascido 84]

Hey guys,

Well I completely quit caffeine for about 7 months, but after I noticed it really wasn't making a difference I decided to give it a shot again. I started drinking coffee again probably about a month ago, and for whatever reason this time around it seems to actually help. Unsurprisingly though, if I drink too much on a given day it will only worsen symptoms of my anxiety. If I drink caffeine at the right amounts it really does help mask any of the symptoms I'm still experiencing.

 

As for alcohol, I started drinking that again too, but at a much more moderate level. Sometimes I'll go a whole month without drinking any. It just doesn't seem to make me feel the same as it used to, so I just tend not to drink it as often anymore.

 

As far as lingering symptoms go, I'd say I still suffer from anxiety / anhedonia the most, though my relationship with both has definitely changed. Some days anhedonia will be worse than others, and on some of the good days, I can swear I feel "normal" again, whatever that means. My relationship with anhedonia has changed in the sense that when I am experiencing those bad days, I don't make the situation worse by dwelling on it or thinking about days where I felt better. I simply try to make the best of the current situation I am in for that particular day. Coping mechanisms really have helped me throughout this journey. My anxiety is very similar to the anhedonia. Some days it's so bad I just don't want to converse with really anyone I'm not comfortable with. On those days, I accept that it's worse than other days, and I don't try to do things that are beyond my comfort on those days.

 

I don't want to scare any of you that are at the beginning of your journey. I don't want you to think that things will never improve; things will get better, it's just going to get better progressively. You won't wake up one day feeling "completely healed." Your healing will occur slowly, sometimes painfully slow. There will be times where things even seem worse than the month before, but rest assured that if you could plot your progress, the trend-line would definitely be trending upwards.

 

"Life is what is, not what was." This quote has resonated strongly with me, because early on in my recovery journey I was constantly dwelling on the days that things seemed perfect. Regardless of whether things were once better or not, thinking like that only serves to hinder your general well being in the present moment. Try focusing on things that you can change in the present moment. 

 

@anonmymousdino I never actually "abused" the drug. I was using the drug for about 3 years. I almost never took as much as what my doctor proposed I take. It wasn't until the end of my 3 years of taking it that I was actually taking it "as prescribed," which lasted only about 3 months. 

 

[sleepystupid 358]

21 hours ago, Renascido said:

I don't want to scare any of you that are at the beginning of your journey. I don't want you to think that things will never improve; things will get better, it's just going to get better progressively. You won't wake up one day feeling "completely healed."

yea, pretty much this. for all intents and purposes, being "healed" and feeling "healed" are the same thing.

you will never know objectively that you are healed, that your neurotransmitters are finally at your personal "normal" levels, whatever they are. so given that, we have to measure "healing" indirectly through good days, and bad days. when you start having more good days than bad days, it seems reasonable to say you are "healed". bad days will never go away though. everyone has bad days, but most people don't worry whether it's because their brain chemicals are still out of whack- that's a personal hell reserved just for us 

but that's all it is. worrying, anxiety, doubt.. the way to let go of all that is simply believe you are healed, and deal with the remaining bad like normal people: change careers, get in shape, take up a new hobby, find a new love (: