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clinx

3 and 1/2 Years Adderall-Free

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Hello everyone,

Firstly, I want to apologize. I began coming to this site a little while after I began my journey of recovery, but haven't made much of an appearance. I want to apologize that I haven't been here to help encourage others as much as I'd like to. To be honest, that's one of the characteristics of the real me (Adderall-free)-- I tend to be extremely awful at answering people back. Hey, I guess many of you will understand this. I do hope this post will be an encouragement.

I remember, around three years ago, reading some posts about those successful people who made it to 3+ years free of the drug. I wondered if it would be so pleasant to finally make it there. These people would say they could now go full days, even weeks, without thinking about Adderall. Could that REALLY be true? Because all I could think about at the time is what a pathetic loser I felt like, and that Adderall was the only way out. Although I know that everyone's journey will be different, I am happy to confirm that on my end it IS true. Sure, I get stressful times that come, and deadlines that always seem to be waving in my face. Those moments cause me to think about returning to Adderall, but they always fade. They never have the hold on me that they once did. Then I continue to get glorious weeks (even months) without a single consideration of Adderall. I know that those beautiful moments will just continue to grow, and I'll start to finally appreciate life.

I began to wonder... what if I DID make the awful decision to return to the drug? What would it even do? Sure, maybe temporarily it would help me get some stuff done, but at what cost? We all know that feeling fades into anger and irritation. That one pill becomes seven. That sleep becomes a distant memory. That I'd either die on this, or start the recovery process ALL OVER AGAIN. I'm sorry, but that first 6 months off of Adderall was so awful and challenging, that it's motivation enough to never have to go through that again! I'm sure you all can agree. So for those of you in the beginning of your journey, it DOES get better. Just know that, and just keep going.

What else does it look like to be Adderall-free for 3 and 1/2 years? I have a steady job-- my co-workers can actually rely on me. I can do all that my job requires of me (and then some) without a single stimulant. I know for the longest time in early recovery, I felt like I'd never be able to find a good job, or that I'd never be good at it if I did find one. I know many of you probably feel the same way, too. Don't feel bad, it took many, many months of unemployment and self-care time to get there. Thankfully, I was able to have that time. Don't give up. You ARE capable of that dream job, even without Adderall. I also can work out now, AFTER WORK, and then go home to get a good night's sleep. Some people may laugh like that's normal, but we know it's often taken for granted. Sometimes I reach the end of the day, and think WOW, I did all of that today without Adderall. Right at that moment, I find recovery is worth it. 

What's my biggest regret throughout the recovery process? I was way too hard on myself. Looking back, I felt lazy and pathetic when I went through my lethargic stages. WHY?! I was going through so much. Each day, I was mad at myself for being a failure. I truly wish I would have given myself some more credit. SERIOUSLY. If any of you are in that place where you are downing yourself, STOP. You will regret it one day. Because further on, you'll realize how awesome you are for getting through this, and how much you were actually fighting. Take it easy on yourself. Do something special for yourself for rewards when you hit important goals in recovery. Take the time you need to heal. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

As usual, I can't take credit for all of my successes. I need to give glory to the Lord Jesus for saving me and giving me the strength to do this, and for giving me meaning and purpose in life. He truly is more than my Saviour, He's my Best Friend and biggest support!

Praying you all stay strong in recovery, and realize how worth it you truly are (if you haven't already). <3

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Congrats on 3.5 years, that is amazing!! This was a beautiful post, thank you for sharing!! 

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Thank you for sharing! I'm almost at 1 year and because of you I'm starting to want to be more forgiving to myself for these lethargy stages.. 

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