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Once_Again_a_Dreamer

6 months out--hasn't been hard at all

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Hi guys, I haven't been on this site for a while now but I just wanted to give some hope to anyone struggling to quit. I've been completely clean with no relapses since May. It really hasn't been hard. This is for a few reasons:

-I got married and my husband doesn't support my former stimulant use. Fair enough--he knows it brought me to a bad place. Once you're married two become one and your partner has some say in how you use/abuse your body and health. I wouldn't support my husband becoming an alcoholic or drug addict either.

-I live in a region where it would be hard to find a practitioner to prescribe ADHD meds--for anyone--cognitive behavioral therapy is much more accepted in France. And I moved away from Paris where there was that one psychiatrist making bank off of prescribing Ritalin (no adderall here) to American study abroad students. Hence, there is also pretty much no black market where I'd be able to get the drugs if I wanted to go that route. No temptation=no relapse.

-I'm 4 months pregnant, and so happy about it! Stimulants during pregnancy is a huge NO NO but unfortunately I see lots of women in pregnancy forums that still manage to find doctors to prescribe them adderall, and find all sorts of ways to justify their use even though they know it's wrong. No one should take adderall during pregnancy, period. Don't care if you have the most severe ADHD in the world. It would be illegal for someone to prescribe me that here. It's so sad how many American doctors are basically owned by the drug lobby.

Most importantly, I just want to reassure people, withdrawal symptoms are probably in your head! Even when I used to be terrified I ODed, during my comedowns, half of those symptoms were in my head! Like, my fingers and toes still get red for no reason sometimes. I still obsess over stupid things on my computer sometimes, as if I were tweaking. It was never really just the adderall, it was just me and I'm just quirky. 

At first if you're feeling tired all the time, less motivated, well that's just what life is like for people who don't abuse stimulants. Honestly I personally had zero withdrawal symptoms even after a history of some pretty hefty daily consumption. Drink lots of water, good nutrition, coffee, exercise, and you'll probably lead and pretty decent and healthy life like most people without addictions.

I haven't gained much weight (even for a pregnant lady.) I'm a lot funnier and livelier and all my relationships are better. So--quitting is great! Keep it up!

 

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That is an awesome recovery! Congratulations!

I am shortly behind you around 5mo... Still struggling here.

I do believe a lot is in the head. You have a lot of positive things going on in your life that few people could replicate with their timing of recovery. I have had day dreams wondering if I "hit the lottery" if I would feel better etc. My answer to myself is "maybe a little" and sometimes "no" other times "probably". Who knows unless it happens! 

It takes a lot of willpower to overcome the depression some of us get. I am trying everything I can and some days it works other days I crash. Depression is real, however I do believe it can be beaten!

I am happy hear your inspiration, great that you have found a positive partner to support you and are doing so well! 

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Yes, I certainly don't want to come across as arrogant, bragging about how well it's going. The point I wanted to make was that I had imagined quitting adderall would be so much harder than it actually has been for me--if you're doubting you can do it, you might be surprised. 

Drastically changing life circumstances has certainly helped me (and yes, not everyone will have such big life changes during this time) removing some of the mental cues that would make me crave those pills again. I definitely still crave them, (and I don't do things that make me crave them, like try to read articles in Russian, because that's what I would do on adderall. I put my Russian skills on the back burner for a while, which is ok. I'll relearn good study habits gradually.) I just literally can't get adderall, which has been key to quitting. 

But really I had imagined gaining 30 pounds and going through some nasty withdrawal symptoms. I just want people to know that not everyone experiences withdrawal and it might not be as bad as you think.

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And also--good for you making it 5 months. The depression will fade away, I think. It can be hard to suddenly stop feeling like Superman all the time. No, I don't think winning the lotto would change much either, lol! Have you started getting 7-8 hours of quality sleep per night again? For me that's priceless, used to only happen on weekends (when I wasn't on drugs.) Makes up for a lot of other things. Complexion looks nicer from being rested too. 

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Thank you for the kind words and support! 

I am certain I will get past this... I haven't considered taking a pill since the day I stopped even though I know I have a full bottle in my safe that I need to dispose of! So that's the good news... 

Sleep wise I track with my Fitbit and I do usually get over 7hrs. Unfortunately I am still waking up around 3-4am quite often and get more of a toss and turning after that. I have tried different sleep aids, currently I have settled on time release melatonin which helps getting to sleep beyond that I guess only time will help this get better. 

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Yeah well it’s not just that easy for most so dont down play it to others. Not sure of your work situation how much is riding on you to produce to support a family or your just focused on being pregnant and living healthy life but these kind of post irritate me sorry. 

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14 hours ago, Frank B said:

Yeah well it’s not just that easy for most so dont down play it to others. Not sure of your work situation how much is riding on you to produce to support a family or your just focused on being pregnant and living healthy life but these kind of post irritate me sorry. 

Agree, while not everyone experiences PAWS to the same extent, it's certainly not just 'all in our head'....

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2 hours ago, Nicole88 said:

Agree, while not everyone experiences PAWS to the same extent, it's certainly not just 'all in our head'....

I’m not saying for a few it can’t be easier. But to come on here and say it’s no biggie is insulting to those of us who have had major struggles. Be like going to AA meeting and tell everyone it’s easy to stop drinking I did it’s all in your head. Everyone on here has different set of life situations and struggles. For me the hardest part was staying productive during that first year owning a buisness and being the sole provider of a household. I did it don’t know how it was very hard not to want to give in with that magic pill and be “productive”. Now coming on my 2 yr mark this month I feel great but it’s never been easy especially that first year. 

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In a funny way it is all "in our head" as that is where dopamine comes from ;) 

However physically and mentally PAWS is very exhausting. 

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I don't think she meant it in a condescending way,  however I can see how others may be offended. But I interpret this as an encouraging post to those who are looking to get off Adderall but scared bc everything you read is: "OH, its misery its horrible i was so lazy i didn't do anything." (which has been my experience). glad you've been having a relatively easy withdrawal!

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Consider yourself very lucky. I went through hell those first six months and it was not just in my head. I couldn’t move, I was suicidal and I clawed my way out of depression for months. It was pure hell. At 19 months, I can proudly say that I am almost fully recovered but don’t take away from the hell I went through by saying it was so easy, you were lucky.

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