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Addled

6 months clean

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I am about 6 months clean and pretty miserable.  Some days I can’t stop crying, on and off all day, about absolutely nothing.  I am in my early 30s and spent about 9 years on adderall.  Now I feel really sad about speeding through my 20s like a maniac – anyone else feel like that or have similar regrets?  I will say my recovery has not been as bad as I thought it would be.  I actually have more energy now than when I was on it.  Also my appetite has evened out, on it I would always crave sugar and junk food and now I am eating healthy without even thinking much about it.  I still have pretty bad acid reflux and I am hoping that goes away.  I still have water retention (gained 25-30 pounds in 2 years) which started when I was still on it and continues to get worse.  I know in my heart though it’s related to this awful drug and will go away. 

I would love to hear anyone’s story about being at 6 months clean (I know there’s  a lot on here already about this time period but I’ve burned through it all already J), whether you have all these sad feelings about your time on it that are just surfacing now, anything about acid reflux or water retention, or any words of general encouragement – all are welcome!

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Hello Addled, You have probably read some of my posts as I have been pretty active here lately as this site has really helped me understand and cope with my symptoms.

Yes crying is a normal part of the depression this recovery seems to cause. Mine is most often in the morning before I get up when I feel weak after my common mixed nights sleep and I start thinking of everything I need to do and everything I have neglected with my low energy and focus.. Sometimes when I start thinking too much while driving as well...

I am glad you have "more energy" than before that seems unusual during recovery and is awesome!

I also had mixed hunger and digestion and craved the bad foods while on it and am eating very constantly and healthy now. Digestion is now much better and constipation has mostly remedied itself. I did have a period in the beginning of being off Adderall that it just seemed like my food was digesting very slowly and had heart burn/acid re-flux. Red meat was the worst and I still avoid it. It passed for me around the end of month 3. Weight wise I first lost weight as my hunger actually went down, now I eat a lot and have gained that weight plus a few pounds back. However I am exercising whenever I can so I haven't lost control of it.

 

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I also had terrible acid reflux for a long time after I quit. I'm at 11 months now and it's gotten much much better than it was although I don't remember when it got better. It was gradual. One thing that helps with that is I don't eat after 8 PM anymore.  

Also at 6 months I remember still being pretty miserable and looking forward to ten months because ten months is when a lot of peeps say they began to feel better and I second that. So hang In there.

I spent half my 20's and a little more than half my thirties on adderall and yes I do wonder what/how my life would be better now/different if I had not wasted part of my 20s and 30s on adderall and it does make me sad and regretful sometimes. But I can't allow myself to dwell on that or I will be miserable. I tell myself that this is my path in life and I'm on it for a reason even if I don't know what that reason is yet. we don't know for sure that we would have been better off without it in our past because we didn't take that path so we have no way of knowing where it would have led. I try to focus on the present these days because I cannot change the past, only learn from it.

Crying is something I rarely (if ever) did while on adderall so when the crying came I embraced it.  I usually feel better after I cry. I hope you do too. You know there is supposed to be a special chemical in our tears that makes us feel better. Not sure if that is true but I like to think so.

i know it's difficult but it will get better. Let yourself cry and get those emotions out. You gotta go through it because as I'm sure you already know there is no shortcut when it comes to quitting adderall.  Congrats on six months BTW!!  You can do this!  P.S. If you aren't exercising please try it. It is one thing that I can count on to make me feel good. I recommend brook silars Pilates for weight loss. (Not affiliated with her).  It's 47 mins long and it works. I do it at least three times a week before I go to work in the morning. it helped me lose the 15-20 lbs I gained when I quit and it makes me feel good.  <3

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Congrats on six months! Are you taking any antidepressants? Most cause horrible acid reflux stomach issues just FYI. But regardless drink pickle juice!!!  I’m telling you it takes care of so many stomach issues. I bought a gallon off amazon pretty cheap love that stuff. You can drink it from a jar but you end up wasting your pickles lol. I just put it in a shot glass a down one or two quickly not something you want to sip on for sure.

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On 11/2/2017 at 2:39 PM, Addled said:

Also my appetite has evened out, on it I would always crave sugar and junk food and now I am eating healthy without even thinking much about it.  I still have pretty bad acid reflux and I am hoping that goes away.  I still have water retention (gained 25-30 pounds in 2 years) which started when I was still on it and continues to get worse.  I know in my heart though it’s related to this awful drug and will go away. 

 

regarding the fluid retention, it's definitely common. if keeping on a diet is easy for you, i would suggest trying out a ketogenic diet for a month or two. this is similar to the Atkins diet, of very low carbohydrate intake, moderate protein and high fats (the good kinds). if you keep your carb intake below 40g/day consistently for a month, you will see a HUGE reduction in water retention. i lost about 10 pounds in a month with no exercise, it was very encouraging.

there are other benefits of this kind of diet which lend themselves well to recovery such as increased focus, energy, some people even report euphoria. can't say that any of these things were very pronounced for me, but the weight loss is real!

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