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marybelle

Quitting (again)

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Hi guys-

I haven't been on here since the last time I said I was quitting because that attempt failed miserably, but I know why...
even though I knew I needed to quit, deep down I didn't want to. I still loved Adderall. I still loved being high and feeling productive. I just got done with a week of taking 50 mg a day.. and I am SO OVER THIS DRUG. The high's aren't even enjoyable anymore and not sleeping SUCKS. I don't party on the weekends anymore, going to crazy after hours raves like I used too, nor do I have to worry about school so taking this much Adderall just doesn't make since in my life anymore. 
 

Im four months into a nine month acting intensive and the weeks where I am taking more addy than normal I suck in class, I can't show real emotion and actually forgot what it was like to FEEL HUMAN EMOTIONS. Im seeing how zombie like this drug has made me this year. these classes make me want to stop. I want to stop. It has been two days since my last pill (nothing big), but I actually got out of my apartment and went grocery shopping / allowed myself to come down without feeling guilty about it. I am happy to be feeling down, which is better than cracked out. 

The ONLY thing I'm worried about is my body.. (stupid I know) but being 22 in LA, man is it nice to have the body I do. Its praised. It makes me money at my strip club. I am going to try and eat healthy, but I know weight gain is inevitable. I have cut off the ties to my doctor and gave the last of my pills to my friend, but I know once I start to gain weight I will want those pills!! I am going to stay close to these boards though because hearing so many of you seeing light at the end of the tunnel will keep me motivated. Also everytime I do something that I could not do on Adderall like take a nap or see a little bit of my real personality I feel great. 

Its all a mind game. I know the addiction will be on one shoulder telling me all the same stupid reasons I SHOULD take a pill, but on the either side is actually enjoying life again and I am determined to get there. 

Thanks for listening. 

xx

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Welcome back and congratulations to your commitment to want to quit! 

At 22 with a healthy diet and exercise you can easily keep your figure in as good or better than with Adderall. You will end up with a healthy body that is likely more attractive than the Adderall enhanced figure you have now. 

Keep your spirit up and keep reading and posting questions here. If you have the desire to eat eat something low Cal and healthy. If you are tired go for a walk and try to run or jog during some of it...

There is lots of support here, don't give up! 

 

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Adderall skinny was really great for me until I ended up in the hospital twice for psychosis. I am now running 3 days a week and close to my pre-Adderall weight. I feel about a hundred times stronger than on Adderall and I will never touch that shit again. This is of course after a year of trudging through hell in recovery dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. My advice to you is quit while you are young and don’t look back. It is absolutely worth it if you are strong enough. And you are.

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