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TaylorH

Will I be ready to quit this time?

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So I've had this site bookmarked on my browser for about 3 years now (when I first realized I had a problem with adderall) and periodically checked it during my super bad come downs from adderall. But I didn't realize until today that this site has a forum section and I'm sooooo happy I found this. I honestly relate to so many posts that I read and am really encouraged by so many people on this forum. I was first prescribed adderall my sophomore year of college and by the time I graduated and started a real job I knew I had to stop getting written prescriptions. (I work in the healthcare industry and addy makes me smoke SO many cigs). Anyways, I really abused it during college. My doctor told me I suffered from ADD but I knew that wasn't really the case - I have really bad anxiety/bulimia/ OCD and when I first took adderall it made me so confident so I took the script anyways. The next 3 years were just a bunch of super highs and super lows with breaks in between. I didn't take it everyday but would binge then stop for a few days then repeat. So when I graduated and stopped getting it prescribed I knew I'd be okay because my sister still had her adderall prescription. It was such a nice break to not be on it for a while, though every time I would see her she would give me a few pills, or I would steal them. About a year and a half later she has now moved in with me and I have found myself back to the old ways of binging and then taking a break. 

I have wanted to quit about maybe 50 times now. My come downs are so bad now and every time I swear it off I find myself forgetting how bad they really are and doing the same thing over again. I know the adderall is holding me back so much in life, I am super into the ideas and practices of self help/meditation/yoga when I'm not on it but the second I am offered a pill I can't say no. It's like I'm two different people. I feel so hopeless that now that she's living with me I'll never be able to say no even though I want to stop taking it so badly. I know some of you guys get what I'm talking about so I just wanted to share my story. I feel like this last come down was the last straw for me and I will hate myself if I take it again but I've done this so many times before. Sorry for the long post- I just  hope that this time is different. 

 

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Welcome to the forums! Wow, we have VERY similar stories. 

Youre in the right place. Read the articles and come back here often. 

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We've all been there and know how you feel. One day you'll have had enough regardless so the sooner the better. I wish you the best.

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