LiberatedMind

My first post here, I need to be free.

9 posts in this topic

I was never diagnosed with a learning disorder.  I have been on Adderall for about 3 years, consistently (before that it was just once in a while).  All my choice.  I am in my late twenties. 

I have had several "attempts" to quit.  The longest attempt lasted 3 months about one year ago.  My consistency has really increased in the last months.  Officially I am prescribed 20 mg IR a day, but I use it like 2-3 in one day then stop for a couple days and back again.  Other times a few days in a row at that dosage.  Basically, abusing it. 

I personally have used it for sexual activities, because it makes my mental arousal so much more intense.

The longest I have gone without it in the last 6 months was about 3 days.  In the past two months, even in those three days my withdrawal symptoms were much more noticeable and harder to deal with: tight headaches (around forehead, back of head, temples), pressure behind eyes, a head in the sky feeling, completely dead sex drive, sadness, irritability, etc.  And most of all, nearly every single time I said I wouldn't take it, I did.  Sometimes just to relieve the pain.

I tried tapering down, like 15 times (at least).  Did not work.  Was never able to stick with the lower dosage.

I have quit cigarettes about 5 years ago, and the way I did it was cold turkey.  The only way that worked.  I am thinking this is the only way here too.

But given that I have been really abusing this shit, is there any danger in going cold turkey?  I never reached this stage before in Adderall addiction.  Anything I should look out for?

I have finished my supply today, which incidentally was my "emergency supply" that was supposed to last me until the end of the week cause I said I will at least hold off until Friday, today is Monday (only had a little left). 

I want my mind back.  This is taking my inner spirit out.  My inner fire.  I feel like a zombie, occasionally animated.  I need to stop.  My supply is done. 

I have been lurking this site for the last year.  I am ready. 

I don't know what else to write, I think I'll just leave it at that.

 

 

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To answer your question about quitting cold turkey, I quit cold turkey at a dose slightly higher than that after being on it for 5 years. I don't think i would've been able to taper off because in my mind i'd rather just get the worst of it out of the way asap rather than drag it out even longer. I'm somewhere around 4 1/2 months since I quit and nothing bad happened to me because I quit cold turkey. 

Previously I had tried to quit many times and only made it like 4 days. The difference between this time and that time is that I hated my life SO BAD while on it, that even suffering withdrawals and a long term recovery sounded better to me. The first couple weeks were HARD and I really questioned my ability to do it, but it gets much much easier a little bit down the road and I really have felt better gradually every month. I think the biggest thing that has aided me in recovery has been diet and exercise (I know that sounds very cliche but its true) 

I have fallen for the "take one now to feel better, regret it later" trap way too many times and am NOT going back to it for anything, literally nothing good came from it.

If you feel the same then kick this shit for good and don't look back. Or at the very least, you could try to make yourself go 1 whole year without it before you decide to get back on it.

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Congrats on coming to the site and embracing the challenge of quitting!

I quit cold turkey as well and it was miserable however I cant say that tapering is any better as I didn't try that. If you can make it thru the first few weeks things will slowly get better, so slow you won't even realize the changes at first. At 6mo now for me I am feeling like I can see a future of feeling normal. I still have some pretty low/off days however the good ones really give hope.

All of your withdraw symptoms are things I have experienced. Some come and go and others I still battle like the headaches and eye pressure you mentioned. However I question if it is just allergies. I also question if adderall speeds up our system then fights off allergies to some degree as I never really had allergies until I quit... Beyond that depression and low energy are the most common lingering symptoms.

There is nothing good about this drug! Read all the posts here and simply google long term affects of adderall and amphetamines... Nothing good!!

Use this site as a resource and post your challenges and progress, we all need each other here for support. Lurkers don't realize that their posts "do matter".

Best of luck to you!

 

 

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RE: Allergies

My husband discovered he had a mild cat allergy after he quit.  Amphetamines have an antihistamine effect (note the "mine" in both words).  He now takes a claritin if it is bothering him.

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On 12/4/2017 at 5:38 PM, LiberatedMind said:

But given that I have been really abusing this shit, is there any danger in going cold turkey?  I never reached this stage before in Adderall addiction.  Anything I should look out for?

not physically. i quit cold turkey from hardcore binging use (160mg+ a day), and the first few days were a complete fog, basically sleeping, eating and chugging water all day, but it was nothing harmful.

you said you've already tried tapering down 15 times before, so it sounds like cold-turkey is your only option at this point. you need to cut yourself off from your source- this is the guaranteed, sure fire, no way back route. it's a scary decision, but if you're serious about this, it will keep you committed.

gl and keep posting.

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Wow thank you all so much for your responses!!  I really feel a lot better that I am not alone in my process, and I am honestly positively shocked (in a really good way) that others here have habitually been binging on much higher doses for much longer than me and they got through it.

Today I am on my 5th day, completely clean.  The longest streak I have done so far in the past 5-6 months.  I have been sleeping much better and had longer lasting energy plateaus throughout the day, yesterday I totally destroyed myself in the gym haha, I was able to just keep on going.  It feels great!  I feel a lot more stable mentally and emotionally.  I feel a lot more in control of myself, like I can manage tiredness a lot better and can manage various states of mind instead of succumbing to the momentary emotion.  I am the captain of this ship!

However, I am also feeling bouts of negative thoughts here and there, and I am simply not enjoying sex like I've become accustomed to while on Adderall.  I don't care.  Well, I do care but I realize it's not what is important.  I reached the conclusion long ago that instant sexual gratification is not worth sacrificing my entire future, because honestly I would just spend hours (not even kidding, literally from like 4 pm until 2 am, nearly every day) just chatting girls up on Tinder etc.  I hated myself for wasting so much time every day on stupid shit like that because I felt constantly "on the hunt" for that perfect orgasm!  I hope it's okay for me to share this aspect, and that it's appropriate, because it's a MAJOR component of what made me (and kept me) addicted...  I would say at least 60% of the reason I constantly took it was that.  Without the sexual perceived benefit, I'd only take it once in a while when I really "needed" it (not very often at all).

I can't just repeat these empty days hyperfocused on all that, I do not even want it right now it lost its appeal (for obvious reasons).  But now I do not know what to do with all this free time on my hands.  I need to find a new hobby or/and a new job, something to get me off my ass because now I am waking up from this slavery ridden dream. 

Ah that feels good to let out.  Thank you all for being awesome and clean and free.  :)

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"On the hunt" for the perfect orgasm. I can identify. So can meth heads.

Learning that's basically what doing meth is all about really helped put in perspective the degree of the problem I had. All these high and mighty reasons for taking Adderall...and then there was this.

Honestly took a while for me to adjust to healthy sexual behavior after quitting. But so, SO worth it.

Remember: "Don't be a meth head."

https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/slide-past-the-faces-of-meth?utm_term=.nn23OEPWL#.npN4QJEm8

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Meth and Adderall are very similar. Difference is that Big Pharma makes Adderall so that makes it safe right..? haha -  In the end they are both Amphetamines!

I have found many articles about Meth and Adderall. Adderall is consistent as at least we know that it's pure in its consistent form while Meth will be inconsistent in quality, can often have some harsh additional chemicals and cutting agents. Also Meth is almost always abused while Adderall users do have some limits in what they can be prescribed and most stick to some sort of dose, and even the binge users of adderall are at least consuming a pure substance and when the bottle runs out has to wait while Meth users just need some cash to go buy more...

All bad stuff! In my opinion Meth and Adderall are quite the same. Reading about the effects of Meth are very close in related withdraw and recovery symptoms and you can find more information on Meth than Adderall since Meth is Illegal and Adderall is protected by Docs and Big Pharma.

 

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On 12/9/2017 at 8:08 PM, LiberatedMind said:

However, I am also feeling bouts of negative thoughts here and there, and I am simply not enjoying sex like I've become accustomed to while on Adderall.  I don't care.  Well, I do care but I realize it's not what is important.  I reached the conclusion long ago that instant sexual gratification is not worth sacrificing my entire future, because honestly I would just spend hours (not even kidding, literally from like 4 pm until 2 am, nearly every day) just chatting girls up on Tinder etc.  I hated myself for wasting so much time every day on stupid shit like that because I felt constantly "on the hunt" for that perfect orgasm!  I hope it's okay for me to share this aspect, and that it's appropriate, because it's a MAJOR component of what made me (and kept me) addicted...  I would say at least 60% of the reason I constantly took it was that.  Without the sexual perceived benefit, I'd only take it once in a while when I really "needed" it (not very often at all).

it is more than okay to share this aspect, because id wager it's a pretty big thing for some of us. this obsession with sex and everything related led me down a very dark path. towards the end, this was basically the 90% reason i was getting high all the time. everything became about instant gratification, and because of the vasoconstriction, you can go for HOURS and HOURS. i'd have marathon fapping sessions, sometimes spanning 12 hours. it became a ritual which reinforced my adderall abuse. thankfully, this addiction to sex and porn didn't have a lasting effect- i have a fairly normal sex life now.

it's kind of bizarre to think about the things that you become absolutely obsessed with while on adderall, and then once you're off, you don't give a shit about it lol.

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