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Danquit

20 months, what now?

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Happy New Year my recovery family! It’s been 20 months since I touched Adderall (sigh) and I am doing fine. I guess I’m back to normal life as far as I can tell and I don’t have that deep depression like from the first year anymore. It’s strange because I can remember that withdrawal was horrible and painful but I don’t know what it feels like anymore. 

I have a lot of existential thoughts lately and I also am really bored which is dangerous for me because of my addictive personality. The only thing that I enjoy doing is going running but it’s easy for me to procrastinate or blow it off because I guess I’m not that motivated naturally. I feel like life is just meh but there are moments where I get excited about stuff. I guess this is what normal life is like, instead of high on Adderall where the heavens open up when you clean your bathroom.

The key takeaway is that at 20 months I feel like I am back to normal and I’m experiencing life and it’s 100% me. I still check into this site very often but not to cry for help so much as to check in because I know that I still need to be vigilant for the rest of my life. For those starting out, hang in there because it really is worth it. I can’t believe how far I’ve come and I’m so thankful for this community!

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I think I remember from old posts that we were pretty much on the same quitting timeline.  I'll be at 20 months in two more days.

I can definitely relate to having a lot of existential thoughts recently.  I don't know if it comes from being sober and just thinking on a deeper level or what but I find myself asking what the meaning of all this is and what my specific purpose is etc etc.

I also relate to exercise being one of the few things you enjoy.  I love running and lifting weights now.  I do it every morning at 5am and I find myself saying thats my favorite part of the day and everything else is just meh after that.

I don't want to take for granite all the other positive things going on though, my depression has lifted, my anxiety is becoming less frequent and less intense.  My natural energy has returned and also my ability to communicate with family and friends is improving with every month.

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