programmingOnAdderall

Trying to quit before I hurt myself. A university programmer that was looking for an edge.

9 posts in this topic

Reading some of the stories and posts on the forum makes me feel a little insecure for posting at all. You are all incredibly strong for being able to pull away from Adderall after many years of using, whereas my history with Adderall is very short, yet I already feel run down and broken as a person because of it. 

I am lucky, as I've only been taking Adderall since January. (Roughly 3 months), but I've increased my dosages very quickly. (Started with 15mg once or twice a week, now taking upwards of 45 mg, and today 90mg 2-3 times per week). I've lost that initial euphoric and focused feeling and I've been chasing it since. Sadly, and obviously, I've started seeing side effects I've read about: horrible exhaustion, depression, irritable bowels, difficulty concentrating, anger and irritability, feeling mentally sluggish and incompetent, headaches/body aches, etc. 

I tell myself every day "I'm not going to take it today", but when it's one of my planned Adderall days, I feel like I can't even help myself as I take one after the other after the other. I feel like my freedom of choice has been stolen, and as I'm taking the pills I'm just thinking: "What the hell, who cares?", and I'm not able to stop myself. 

A big wake up call was this week after taking Adderall in the morning, I got a horrible nose bleed around 6pm. I was bleeding everywhere and it took almost 25 minutes to stop, which was very out of the norm. I was working on a group project at school and had to try working on it while stopping a bloody nose. I also had horrible headaches and body aches for the rest of the night and the next day. I've never experienced an event like that before Adderall. 

I really want to taper off of it, but I feel like I need some support as I've tried unsuccessfully for the past month to stop taking it. I want to feel like myself again and regain my ability to focus and get work done without having to take a pill, and I feel that I'm slipping into this addiction that's unsustainable and is a threat to my future. I'm 21. Does anyone have some advice for me?

Should I taper off it slowly, or go cold turkey and throw out my current prescription?

Thanks in advance, and cheers. 

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Cold turkey. Stop taking it and get some rest. Then, get your shit done. You're in a very early stage and your brain has hardly been effected. It will recover quickly. Of course you won't feel the motivation and high adderall gives you but you won't be in the hell a lot of us are in from years of heavy abuse. Please do yourself a favor and quit that shit, learn some self discipline and train yourself to work without it. It won't be easy but nothing worth having ever is. A new, self disciplined, stronger version of yourself that will last a lifetime  is what you have to look forward to if you stop and start taking care of yourself and work hard for what you want instead of taking a pill. Good luck. I wish you the best.

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Thanks for the advice, I'll try to stop cold turkey and work on improving myself rather than using a pill to do it for me. Adderall is a powerful drug, I can see how damaging and addictive it could be. Thanks for your support, and good luck to you too. 

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14 hours ago, programmingOnAdderall said:

Should I taper off it slowly, or go cold turkey and throw out my current prescription?

I tell myself every day "I'm not going to take it today", but when it's one of my planned Adderall days, I feel like I can't even help myself as I take one after the other after the other. I feel like my freedom of choice has been stolen, and as I'm taking the pills I'm just thinking: "What the hell, who cares?", and I'm not able to stop myself. 

I think you answered your own question here bud. I'm 21 as well and I used Adderall to get an "edge" on school so I totally see where you're coming from. I really do, but imo you gotta tell your doctor asap, especially cause of the nose bleed thing, that's not something to overlook.  You're early enough in your Adderall prescription that your doctor will be much more inclined to help rather than if you keep it to yourself. If you wait much longer (I stupidly waited 3 years) you run the risk of them taking more extreme precautions because (1) your more dependent on the drug itself and (2) you've proven you're not above lying to their face. Don't flush your pills just dispose if them properly if you can. Doctors typically use that fact against you in the future if you are that impulsive. Just my opinion. Good luck!

 

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Congrats on seeing the light so soon yes stop cold turkey ASAP be the best choice in my opinion. Good luck ! 

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There is no harm in going cold turkey off adderall. The sooner you get off it the better you will be. You may feel major fatigue for about a week. I took way more than that-I don’t recommend and it always took me a solid week to regain energy. There is so much hope for you to get off of it. You haven’t been taking it very long in the big scheme of things. You’ve got this. A healthy diet and exercise helps. Focusing on mind body spirit-don’t forget the spirit part, absolutely helps. Sending you love light and prayers to a healthier future. And last thing, be kind to yourself we are not perfect and the lie that we are supposed to be fed my addiction for many years.

Gos Bless 

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On 3/3/2018 at 4:08 AM, programmingOnAdderall said:

Reading some of the stories and posts on the forum makes me feel a little insecure for posting at all. You are all incredibly strong for being able to pull away from Adderall after many years of using, whereas my history with Adderall is very short, yet I already feel run down and broken as a person because of it. 

don't trivialize your condition. while it's true that you've only been using for a few months, the danger of adderall is that you can't unknow the feeling of having that "edge". you rationalize that you're not taking that much, or that you're just a casual user and that you can use it in a controlled fashion to get ahead in your career.. that's how it all starts. even in the future, there will be times that you feel pressured or opportunities that demand a lot of effort... and you'll remember the edge. you need to be REAL careful with this, because you can adderall yourself into a job or commitment that demands a lot from you, and then you simply continue to take adderall to maintain that situation. you'll rationalize that it'll only be for a little while, till you get situated, etc. etc. and all of a sudden its 2 years later and quitting seems impossible. see how easy that can happen?

you should give yourself some credit for recognizing so early the slippery slope towards dependence and addiction. flush the prescription. walk away from it forever. 

 

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Hey - fellow programmer, here. One of the main reasons I got into adderall heavily was to write code quickly and efficiently. Programming/math and amphetamines seem to be a match made in heaven sometimes. Learn from my mistake, though. Quit now. This shit is capable of taking everything you love from you. Don't underestimate it. You can do it, friend.

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1 hour ago, Cheeri0 said:

Quit now. This shit is capable of taking everything you love from you. 

Yes.. if you don't quit be prepared to watch a lifetime burn away in front of you

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