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NaterS

I'm getting close to a relapse after 8 months clean

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Hello everyone 

I started my adderall free journey about 8 months ago and it has been somewhat of a roller coaster of emotions. I wish I could say everything about it has been positive, and many things have, but it isn't without its down sides. 

I don't want to go into too much detail, but lately I've been considering relapsing because of a lack of motivation. There are so many things that I want to accomplish and I don't feel as though I have the energy to do any of it. This leads to me feeling depressed and anxious most of the day. 

My mind is filled today with thoughts of "You can take it temporarily to get yourself to a better place" or "Everything doesn't have to be so hard" and to me these thoughts are very believable, but the logical side of me knows that this wont be the case. If I take adderall once and have a positive experience, i'll be hooked and I bet I'd stay on it again, which will consequently burn down a lot of the progress I have made while being off of it after enough time. 

I wish I could use adderall as a crutch at times, but I know myself well enough to know that wont ever happen realistically.

 

Anyone else have this sort of problem 8 months clean?

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I am at 11 months and it crosses my mind “what it would feel like now” I have motivation issues, fight depression/apathy and not sure when all that will change. I can say I know I was a much more functional human being before adderall and during while I felt more productive in a lot of areas I just became a hack in how I got more things done. The misery of this last year quitting I would not wish upon anyone nor would I ever want to start this process over! 

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I certainly hope you get back what you lost.

To be honest some days aren't so bad and are honestly quiet happy. However the bouts of depression seem to be more often and last longer for me than the happy times.

I just hope I'm not fucked either way, but it feels like it a lot of the time.

I don't think i'm gonna relapse after all, but man it gets tempting sometimes

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read back through your old posts. they will remind you of all the things you hated about being on adderall. they will also remind you of how much progress you've made in 8 months. surely there are things you can do now that you were unable to in the first few months.

i think we can all relate to the feeling of being unaccomplished and struggling with ambition, but you're quite young (23?) with family support and minimal responsibility. if not now then when? there will be plenty of time to follow your dreams, so give yourself a break for a while longer (:

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You are right on the edge of getting to a milestone. I remember at 8 months things were pretty bad but some good days were starting to pop up. Hang in there, you can do it, remember the early days of hell and tell yourself you don't ever want to go back there. You don't want to go back ever! You have to fight for your life, this is life and death we're talking about. Fight! Lack of motivation is one of the things that Adderall tells you it can fix, but it is a complete lie. Just keep taking it one day at a time and don't look back. You can do it! Drink some coffee, even energy drinks to help you get through, just don't go back to Adderall, it will destroy you.

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