GirlScottie

Tick Tock- Recovery begins

7 posts in this topic

It's comforting to know there's other people out there that knows what hell this is. I just wanted to say hi to everyone and be more active on this forum. Opposite of addiction is suppose to be connection; but I have no one around me to feel understood and connect with. And it sucks! All because of one stupid fucked pill. 

One? I wish! I miss the days where one was all it took. I would take one in the morning and be a gorgeous superwoman with the world in her hands. Got the body I always dreamed of (been bulimic for many years. Convinced my Dr to give me vvynase since it just got approved by the FDA to stop binge eating... WHO THE FUCK WOULD GIVE A WOMAN WITH A EATING DISORDER A PILL TO TURN OFF THE HUNGER!!). I started a new career path, graduated with a 94% GPA, I even fell in love. Life was perfect.

But that was 3 years ago. 

One 30mg pill turned into 70mg/5x a day. My new found life enthusiasm has turned into an isolated pacing zombie. I've become a shell of person and I hate myself for it. I made an attempt at recovery about a month ago which lasted 5 days. But then new script day filled (I thought I could be the exception of the rule and be strong enough to resist the temptation. Turns out I'm the probably the reason the rule exists to fire your Dr). It's been a 2 week binge fest (30- 70mg vyanse and 30- 25mg addy). But looking around my spotless apartment, this isn't a life. 

I'm committed to recovery. Instead of one day, tomorrow is Day One.  I wanted to take the time out to make myself visible. It may be from a screen but reading everyone's support for one another gives me that hope. 

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome to the community.  Yes, firing your doctor or otherwise cutting off your supply is crucial to your success, along with realizing that total abstinence is essential to beating this unsustainable addiction.  Did you actually tell your doctor you are done? 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

12 hours ago, GirlScottie said:

But looking around my spotless apartment, this isn't a life. 

just wanted to share that i had a very similar thought at the peak of my addiction. i remember quite vividly looking around my apartment, this space that i had converted into a super high tech smart-home- maniacal solutions for things that weren't really problems. up until that point, i had considered adderall a tool to create a better life for myself. but at that moment, i realized that adderall was simply creating a life for itself. the real me was so far gone, i had no idea what he even wanted anymore. what was the point of all this if i couldn't go back to the real me and enjoy this new life? or maintain it for that matter?

glad to hear that you're finally committed to recovery! good luck and stay close to the forums- we're here to help (:

 

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, quit-once said:

  Did you actually tell your doctor you are done? 

I don't even know how to do. Or maybe I'm scare to. Fuck. But I'm going to. I promised myself. Do people just call and ask them to stop the script? or go in and tell the Dr in person?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, quit-once said:

Welcome to the community.  Yes, firing your doctor or otherwise cutting off your supply is crucial to your success, along with realizing that total abstinence is essential to beating this unsustainable addiction.  Did you actually tell your doctor you are done? 

 

I'm probably missing something here, but by firing your doctor do you mean just finding a new doctor? Because every rx you've ever taken will be in your medical records that get xfered over to your new dr of choice. So unless you tell them to stop filling it and/or you have a problem with abusing it, it will continue to show ADD/ADHD as a continuing condition in which you need an rx for. Or is there a way to work around that?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, GirlScottie said:

Do people just call and ask them to stop the script? or go in and tell the Dr in person?

I don't think the specifics matter near as much as whether you just actually do it or not.  I called my doctor and ended up speaking to a nurse that left him the message. "I am hooked on my prescription adderall.  I have a serious addiction which landed me in the emergency room 2 times.  Please put in my file to never prescribe me these pills again."   Ever since I did that, I've known there is no going back.  Even though I moved from Texas to Ohio, I still believe that message has to be on file somewhere and if I ever tried to get a prescription again, they'd say, "Um, seriously?"  Once your source is cut off, it makes it a 1,000,000 times easier to stay quit.

 

Let us know how it goes!  You got this!

 

LT

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/24/2018 at 5:48 AM, LILTEX41 said:

I don't think the specifics matter near as much as whether you just actually do it or not.  I called my doctor and ended up speaking to a nurse that left him the message. "I am hooked on my prescription adderall.  I have a serious addiction which landed me in the emergency room 2 times.  Please put in my file to never prescribe me these pills again."   Ever since I did that, I've known there is no going back.  Even though I moved from Texas to Ohio, I still believe that message has to be on file somewhere and if I ever tried to get a prescription again, they'd say, "Um, seriously?"  Once your source is cut off, it makes it a 1,000,000 times easier to stay quit.

 

Let us know how it goes!  You got this!

 

LT

I talked to my doctor's nurse before about it, too. I think more than once, actually. 

The last time I told her that Adderall was ruining my life, making me feel crazy and ridiculously anxious, and to never let me be able to get it again. (This was one week after I called saying I desperately needed an increase of my Adderall. She called back and said the doctor refused.) I told her I never wanted to take it again. She said okay. 

Two weeks later I caved, called and left a voice mail for a refill, all casual as if the conversation never happened. 

The next day I got the message "Script ready for pick-up." 

She's such a nice lady, but forgetful and disorganized. Their office is also majorly understaffed, so they lose track of all kinds of things.

All of my past manic phone calls and requests for more pills or early refills should be a red flag to someone over there, or at the pharmacy, but no one seems to care or notice. 

We have a big opioid pill problem in this area, so I think it makes them not care about ADHD drugs. 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now