lizbeth

Anddddd I relapsed...sorta.

3 posts in this topic

Hi guys -

its been a minute but could use some words of encouragement. I quit adderall back in October, and I started a new job two months ago. I wanted to lose weight so bad that I went to a DIFFERENT doctor and got prescribed phentermine. Needless to say my zero self control and amphetamine addict started abusing it from day 1. I took FIVE today. I’ve been drinking a shit ton, hardly sleeping and now it’s 4:30am and I’m still just beating myself up. I was two years clean, then got back on adderall, started abusing again, flushed it and now I’m abusing the phentermine which I also flushed this morning. I just feel so embarrassed and don’t understand why I don’t have self control like normal people. BecAuse of how much of phentermine I took today u had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. Had to tell my boss who actually had to call my psychiatrist at work today I couldn’t even drive. I just wasn’t to be normal and not have these constant urges to use drugs to balance myself out. I see my psychiatrist on Friday and I think it’s best if I tell her about the phentermine. I’m scared and embarrassed and could just use some love!!! Thanks for letting me vent. Love you all and so glad to be apart of this community xo

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Nothing to be embarrassed about we’ve all done what your doing. I would say this don’t look at a psychiatrist for answers they only prescribe drugs you want off drugs correct? You might instead seek help from a Psychologist one who does not prescribe meds but seeks real answers to your problems. Wish you luck either way.

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Good on you for coming here and being honest. If you had sobriety before, you can do it again. I work an NA program, so when it came to figuring out how to manage non-adderall medications, I had the guidance of a sponsor which really helped. Our current arrangement: the only non-food items I'm allowed to consume without texting her first are advil and claritin. Everything else goes through her first. I also have to text her when I have a heavy caffeine day. It's just about the constant acknowledgement that I am literally incapable of sanely managing substances that I put in my body and I need help. There's nothing wrong with that. By turning it over to someone else I avoid the temptation to buy caffeine pills and say "well at least I'm not on adderall." I'm an addict, and unfortunately that applies to all areas of my life and can show up anywhere. You can do this, just don't be afraid to ask for help!!

 

I also understand the weight thing, I'm struggling with that too. I've gained 30lbs in two years since I've been sober, but it's so worth it to have a clean mind. I'm going to start diving into healthier habits and losing weight naturally - looking forward to continued support here as I start that process :) we can navigate it together if you'd like!

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