Kimber

1 month shy of a year off Adderall after using for 17yrs!

9 posts in this topic

While I can't believe its almost been a year, August 10, 2017, I definitely feel like I've hit a wall.

I used as prescribed for 17 years 10mg, then 30mg and the last 2 years was on 40mg IR/day, which I knew from the beginning was too much and didn't make me feel very good.

 I miss almost every day.  I think about it every day...sometimes thinking I'm glad I'm not on it any more, sometimes wishing for way to concentrate again.  The last couple of months have been a struggle with motivation and mood...more so than the first 6 months sober and am wondering if it is b/c its like "now what".  I just started working out...first time in 20+years to try to help with the low mood and motivation and lack of concentration.  

What are other year long quitter's experiences?  I don't want to get back on it.  Just surprised I'm still struggling.  Obviously my body has rid itself of it and should be healed as much as it is able to from whatever Adderall may have done.  Just feel flat.  I don't have a job and at this point don't even feel like I am hire-able...brain just doesn't work anymore...

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One year is huge. Your second year is at least as big, in different ways. Every time you feel hopeless, tremendous growth is just around the corner. 

There's a little on my progression in this post...

Keep after it!

 

 

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9 minutes ago, hyper_critical said:

One year is huge. Your second year is at least as big, in different ways. Every time you feel hopeless, tremendous growth is just around the corner. 

There's a little on my progression in this post...

Keep after it!

 

 

God I needed that...your post "four years ago today" brought me to tears.  Thank you so much for sharing that.  EXACTLY WHAT I needed today.  whew.  thank you.

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Do you feel like your personality changed either on Adderall or afterwards adapting to not having the Adderall personality?  I feel like I almost don't know who I am sometimes....then sometimes I recognize someone....

I also find I struggle with just being okay with quiet...mentally and physically.  I think I got so used to being jacked up, then crashing that that became the norm.  So now quiet-time can make me feel very restless...Headspace app is helping.  But sometimes just knowing others experience this helps. 

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Congratulations!!  That has to feel great!!

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Congrats on one year! If you’ve seen my post and most others we all felt the same way after one year. Although I was self employed keeping afloat I was not bringing in the income at all like I’m now 2 yrs plus past my quit date. If I was working for someone my first year off this stuff probably would have been fired. Stay in the gym watch what you eat and be patient this is a minimum 2yr plus process after that things really do get better. I know that’s not what we want to hear but for us long time abusers it’s the reality of the situation. 

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On 7/6/2018 at 6:34 PM, Kimber said:

Do you feel like your personality changed either on Adderall or afterwards adapting to not having the Adderall personality?

Absolutely. It's funny though - the parts I was worried about giving up are parts now I realize were REALLY offputting to people. They like me a lot more now. And I've learned I'm FAR more effective in business and my personal life actually engaging with people, not just talking at/over them. 

On 7/6/2018 at 6:34 PM, Kimber said:

I also find I struggle with just being okay with quiet...mentally and physically.  I think I got so used to being jacked up, then crashing that that became the norm

For sure. Meditation helps. But re-orienting outside the cycle of jacked up then crashing is difficult. For me, it's had far-reaching implications, from how I eat, sleep, activity, etc. Takes a lot of trial and error and working through frustration. But that means you're on the right path!

I'd say for a lot of us, I had to give up the illusion that I could control who I'd become on the other side of all this. And THANK GOD, because I'm becoming a man far better than I would have been if things had worked out the way I "planned."

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I keep trying to remind myself that almost 20 years is a long time to be on any medication and it formed many habits and thought processes that aren't necessarily congruent with my true nature and getting back on course may take some time...something that is so 180 from the adderall thought process of "pop a pill" and it will come attitude.

I know I am a better friend, sibling, wife off adderall...    I spend a lot of time alone and on adderall it was easier because it was like I wasn't alone.  So now I need to figure out what to do with myself...20 years later.   

I just struggle with is it too late now....

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15 hours ago, Kimber said:

I keep trying to remind myself that almost 20 years is a long time to be on any medication and it formed many habits and thought processes that aren't necessarily congruent with my true nature and getting back on course may take some time...

i think its fair to say that there aren't any shortcuts to rewiring your brain when it comes to things that require discipline- chores, work, etc. this is simply a matter of teaching yourself that reward comes after work, not before.

but when it comes to pleasurable things like hobbies and interests, i think that focusing on new experiences can be a lot more rewarding than struggling to enjoy things that you used to enjoy on adderall. it's probably especially tough for you given how long you were on adderall, it might seem like some of the core things about your personality and interests are "gone". i would say for the time being, let them go and try to exploit the natural excitement of novelty in life (: 

 

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