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LiberatedMind

WE ARE ON DAY 3!!

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As I am on my 3rd day completely clean (last day I took was Monday 7/16) I've had some pretty vivid dreams the last two nights.  As it always happens whenever I stop cold turkey after constantly not sleeping more than a few hours a night.  I dreamt that someone lent me his Rolls Royce haha, I forgot the reason why but I totally had it for the duration of the dream.  It was so awesome.

I really want to lucid dream, I haven't had one in many many years.  The first step is to have a sound sleep, and oh my I have been SLEEPING well the last two nights.  Overeating as well, but whatever it's only 2 or 3 days haha.  I wake up so refreshed, but then I am tired a few hours later and am a zombie until the night.  Like the walking dead, but I am becoming reanimated slowly!! :):):):)

I feel the pain of the first few days of withdrawal now, and now it sooooo "obvious" that I will never touch this garbage again, but it was "obvious" to me a thousand other times in the past as well.  Man, I am like my own worst enemy here lol, manipulate myself into all sorts of conclusions and actions.  Maybe I could manipulate myself into not taking it ever.  It's all gone now anyways.... YAY!!!!

I have noticed by the way that my hair thins out real fast and my hair recedes rapidly whenever I take Adderall many times in a row.  Does this happen to anyone else?  I am male.  So yeah probably MPB which bugs me, but it seems to happen so rapidly on Adderall.  Googling this topic just gives me a bunch generic info that could or could not apply to me, so annoying.  Please share if you share this experience. 

Imagine if like I can start living life and gain real pleasure from like taking pictures of nature, and going to wine tastings, and learning how to cook fucking good food, and working hard to save up to go traveling to exotic locations in nature with someone special.  And lucid dreaming during the night, so I am never really asleep but my brain gets what it needs.

Feed life, live life!!

I also took someone toxic out of my life, someone that Adderall pushed me to pursue often and with great effort... BUT someone who is not for me, someone who is a castle in the sky.  Chasing fake dreams with her.  An illusion.

OH!! And I got an interview soon for a job that will take me out of the house. Give me chance to change my environment, that helped me a ton last time.

And gotta get back into working out, I basically missed this ENTIRE WEEK at the gym because my sleep was all fucked up and diet was off. 

I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):):):):)

 

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Your on the right path just remember to take it easy for awhile don’t push yourself too hard. I never had my hair getting thinner on addy but thought it grew faster. Then again when you stay up for days at a time you sort of lose track of time so who knows if it did or not grow faster than normal. Guess I’m lucky not a lot of baldness on either side of my family tree. Most my friends who are bald now lost it mid 20’s doesn’t seem to bother them much just shaved it. Good luck with quitting stay close to this site I could not have quit without it. 

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4 minutes ago, Frank B said:

Your on the right path just remember to take it easy for awhile don’t push yourself too hard. I never had my hair getting thinner on addy but thought it grew faster. Then again when you stay up for days at a time you sort of lose track of time so who knows if it did or not grow faster than normal. Guess I’m lucky not a lot of baldness on either side of my family tree. Most my friends who are bald now lost it mid 20’s doesn’t seem to bother them much just shaved it. Good luck with quitting stay close to this site I could not have quit without it. 

Thank you sir.  I really sincerely hope it's the Adderall, I need as many tangible reasons as possible to stay off it.  I have some family members who are bald but they lost their hair loooong ago and at a much younger age than what I am at now (almost 30, fuck I can't believe it time to start getting my life in order).  One lost his hair at 16 and the other was like at age 21.  My lack of sleep and super itchy scalp caused by Adderall probably contributes to the expedited process.

I like tangible reasons.  When I quit smoking cigarettes, my lungs cleared out super fast and I gradually felt much much better - that was very tangible.  It's been 5 years since I quit after almost a decade of smoking.  So it can be done.  :)

Yes, I intend to stay close to this site.  I have been a lurker for about a year before I started engaging with the forum. 

I am not pushing myself too hard I don't think?  I am a bit of an all or nothing type of personality, which is good when it's good but bad when it's bad you know what I mean lol?  Either not using at all or on a neverending binge.  At least that's how it's been in the recent bunch of months....

I just want to live life, not just be physically alive.  There is so much I feel I am missing out on if I continue.  This shit retards my progress and personality.  It's not even worth it anymore, I basically trade 1 "good" day for 3 days of hell, terrible tradeoff.  And the stuff I read on this site what a lot of members go through here, really frightens me.  I feel so bad for some of the personal hells people are going through or have gone through here. 

I want to focus on all the good stuff and benefits of not having it in my life, that's how I did cigarettes.  That was what finally worked.

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Congrats on quitting smoking I went to vaping have for like 6 yrs ago now never could quit nicotine 100% but won’t smokes cigarettes again. If your 30 wouldn’t think your just now loosing your hair I know some female members complained about thinning hair on addy so for whatever reason u could be too.

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14 hours ago, LiberatedMind said:

I am not pushing myself too hard I don't think?  I am a bit of an all or nothing type of personality, which is good when it's good but bad when it's bad you know what I mean lol?  

totally know what you mean. it's definitely a double-edged sword! i think the thing to keep in mind about recovering from amphetamines though is that it will not provide the immediate and tangible results your personality is craving. this is not a sprint, it's a marathon. sure- within a week or two, you won't feel like sleeping 20 hours a day, but honestly the real difficult part starts after that.

you'll still have to start doing all the normal human being things you're expected to do, but there will be no feeling of reward in doing them for some time. this is why it's important to not push yourself, and to temper your expectations. you have a lot of positive energy right now, and that's awesome! you should capitalize on it by putting into motion some good routines like exercising and diet.

keep us posted- this is the best decision of your life (:

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