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OnSomething

Addict Mentaltiy

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I'm back to the beginning of my recovery (day 8 I believe) as I have relapsed recently. My brain feels so off. I know it will get better with time but I feel as if I cannot trust my thoughts right now as I'm craving amphetamines so much & it is taking all of my strength to keep saying no. I was using heavy amounts but I'd love advice from anyone, no matter how much or little you used, how do you recognize an addict-type of thought and get into a sober mentality? Why do I only remember the "positive" times I've had with amphetamines when I crave it and forget how it wrecked my life? What do you do to help?

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At my worst I took 140mgs a day for close to a year. 

My main motivating factor was that my body couldn’t handle it anymore. I wasn’t sleeping or eating and my mind was elsewhere. 

every time I quit I gave myself every excuse to start back. Like a stressful events. I felt like I couldn’t handle it without it. 

there are a lot of contributing factors to why I’m sober today. I put myself into positive new situations, I tried some new things, I was vulnerable and open to those closest to me. 

Setting small goals helped me for when I was feeling negative. I also journaled when I was at my lowest, i looked back and read what I wrote and that was extremely heartbreaking yet motivating. 

I think I’m rambling at this point. But I’m close to 6 months! I still feel the funk sometimes but adopting the mantra of be kind to yourself has really helped me. Just be patient, you can do this! 

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@livey12 Congrats on your 6 mo! I feel like the physical side effects were a huge contributing factor to me wanting to quit as well. Journaling is a good idea, I was always too high and OCD-like to write in one so it will feel good to be able to sit down and try now. Best of luck in your recovery, we're here for you!

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10 hours ago, OnSomething said:

how do you recognize an addict-type of thought and get into a sober mentality?

it's hard. in fact, this is the reason why many people relapse—they mistake the addict voice for the new sober, rational voice. it's the same message, but it sounds like the real you and is all the more convincing because you've spent the last several months in recovery. surely i must be thinking rationally by now?

this may not work for everyone, but what i found effective in establishing a "sober mentality" was to demonize Adderall. i had to convince myself that Adderall isn't just a tool, its a fucking hardcore drug (it is) that will kill me if this goes on. i relapsed after about 2 years sober for a month or so, but even during this time, i never once thought that i wanted to re-introduce this to my life, that i needed it to succeed, that it would be different this time. i knew full well that i just wanted to get high for a little while. i binged for a few weeks straight, then dealt with the aftermath. i know that doesn't justify the relapse, but i think its that underlying mentality that kept me from drawing that relapse out to much more dangerous waters.

always remember: it will never be different the next timethere is no going back.

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