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marybelle

5 days clean feeling hopeful but tempted

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I am five days clean.. which isn't an accomplishment, but kind of is to me because its the longest I've gone without Adderall in three years. I feel good and bad. I feel more like myself already, not the robot which Adderall made me be for years. I actually laughed more today then the last three years combined. But I AM BORED. The depression is real, I WANT to do so many things, but I just can't. That is making me want Adderall so bad. Also Ive already gained weight. I have a photoshoot tomorrow, and know that after I see the pics I am going to want to go right back to Adderall. Assuming I can even make it through the photoshoot. :( I saw someone said its like going from 100 mph to 25 and that is SO TRUE. I feel like life is crawling by.. which leads me to believe Adderall does something to our perception of time. I really don't know what the point of this was, but I was just so fucking bored I decided to write it. I really am hopeful about this attempt at quitting, I know my triggers which I just stated... the wanting to be a super hero and get shit done also the weight gain. I know this will tempt me but for the first time I don't think those things are worth the roller coaster anymore. anyway.. hope everyone reading this is having a great Adderall free day :)

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Congrats on 5 days! For most people I’d say take a month or two off eat whatever don’t worry about work outs take it easy then dive into those challenges. If your livelyhood depends on appearance and u can’t take time off then you’ll have to get on the ball with a game plan with a healthy way to control your appetite. Become friends with apple cider vinegar it helps, also like I mentioned before consider a keto diet. It would be best though if you could just let yourself go a month and just focus on stopping the meds. Just consider at some point your gonna have to quit for good and really no time is the right time always something will be going on in your life where you feel it’s a need.

 

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i second the suggestion for the keto diet. it is certainly tough in its own way (basically cutting all carbs and sugars), but it's more forgiving with portion control, and people report a kind of natural high after some time and consistency.

something to consider: try separating the things you want to do from the things you need to do. i think what you'll find is that some of those things in the "want" column might not be as important to you now as they were when you were on speed. this realization was super important during my recovery, because i spent so much of the first few months hating myself for not being able to do the things i used to.

what you'll also find is that the list of "need" stuff is probably less daunting than it seems. at least for the first few months in recovery, what are the real basic things that you need to do? laundry and room cleaning once a week? as a model you should probably be working out several times a week? as simple as this stuff sounds, getting through the "need" stuff every day may actually be so rewarding that you feel okay about not getting to the "want" stuff!

as for the rest of your time? catch up on movies,TV, books, music.. think of it as a productive exercise in consuming pop-culture (: 

 

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