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bluemoon

3 years!!!

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Can't believe it has been 3 years since the last time I used Adderall! Wow. Happy 3 years to Frank and to everyone else who quit around the same time as us.

I used to complain 24/7 and come on this site multiple times a day just wishing the pain and misery would end. Although I can't say my life is perfect now, at least it doesn't revolve around Adderall anymore. I'm back down to a comfortable weight (it took me a couple years), I sleep well, I'm calm and level headed, and I'm not constantly thinking about pills. My energy levels could still use some improvement, but it is slowly getting better over time. I still experience some anhedonia, but it is also getting better with time.

Also I want to wish a very happy 3rd birthday to my dog, Nash. I got a puppy when I decided to finally quit for good. Omg it was hard taking care of a puppy in the early days of recovery, but I like to think he keeps me going :)

I used to think I couldn't do life without Adderall. I thought I couldn't accomplish anything without it. It's funny though, looking back on the last few years, I accomplished more in those years and had my highest income of my life in those three years. Blood, sweat and tears... a huge amount of effort... but I did it without Adderall! 

To anyone thinking about quitting - DO IT NOW! It is so worth it. There is nothing worse than being a slave to those pills.

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Hey Bluemoon-

Great to hear from you and that you are doing well.  There were indeed quit a few of you who quit around that time three years ago.  I am especially glad to hear that Nash is doing well.  If you can, post a pic of him here or send it to me in a PM, you know how I feel about GSD's.  Mine is almost ten years old with arthritis, but otherwise still doing OK.   

Thanks for the update!

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Congrats blue moon! I am right behind you at about 30 months. I remember reading your posts and they helped me a lot. I’m feeling the same way as you described and my life is my own again. I still come here from time to time to check in and it’s nice to here from other long timers. Can you believe it’s been 3 years?! That is so crazy when you look back, I’m so glad you made it and you are doing ok. I know life is not the same without Adderall but just remember how bad it was to get over. Compared to that nightmare, boring life is so much better. I’m looking forward to getting to 3 years and beyond. Life is good!

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I’ve been struggling lately.. it’s nice to hear from you long timers 

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Congrats @bluemoon! So glad you checked in, I had wondered how you were doing. It seems everyone nearing 3 years and beyond is doing extremely well which hopefully continues to motivate those just starting out.

Take care :) 

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On 11/21/2018 at 4:09 PM, bluemoon said:

Can't believe it has been 3 years since the last time I used Adderall! Wow. Happy 3 years to Frank and to everyone else who quit around the same time as us.

I used to complain 24/7 and come on this site multiple times a day just wishing the pain and misery would end. Although I can't say my life is perfect now, at least it doesn't revolve around Adderall anymore. I'm back down to a comfortable weight (it took me a couple years), I sleep well, I'm calm and level headed, and I'm not constantly thinking about pills. My energy levels could still use some improvement, but it is slowly getting better over time. I still experience some anhedonia, but it is also getting better with time.

Also I want to wish a very happy 3rd birthday to my dog, Nash. I got a puppy when I decided to finally quit for good. Omg it was hard taking care of a puppy in the early days of recovery, but I like to think he keeps me going :)

I used to think I couldn't do life without Adderall. I thought I couldn't accomplish anything without it. It's funny though, looking back on the last few years, I accomplished more in those years and had my highest income of my life in those three years. Blood, sweat and tears... a huge amount of effort... but I did it without Adderall! 

To anyone thinking about quitting - DO IT NOW! It is so worth it. There is nothing worse than being a slave to those pills.

Congrats blue moon! I’m right behind you and I feel pretty much the same. I remember us going through very similar recoveries early on and I’m so happy that we made it this far. There’s no looking back now accept to remind us of what a collosal challenge we overcame. It is so worth it and I am very proud of you for toughing it out especially in those early days. You definite deserve a celebration and a reward for yourself. Congrats again!

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Congrats! I love this post. Dogs are the best. Some days I wouldn’t leave my house if it weren’t for my dog wanting to go out. I find I’m much more attentive to him now as well. I’m not blocking him off while I clean my clean floor AGAIN.

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2 hours ago, SeanW said:

Man, I’ve been on a two months binge after being clean for 18 months. I’ve given up on life. Im sick and tired of it. I hate myself and I hate life and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just want be dead. I want it to be done. I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t. Nothing about life is fair. I’d rather check out. There’s nothing left here for me. I’m a piece of shit. I’ll never make it out. I fucked for life. If I never get back on here it’s probably because I’m dead. I gave it my best. I really did. I tried and gave it my all. Anyway, peace and love to all even though I don’t even have peace and love anymore. I wish you all the best. In an alternate reality things may be different. Oh well. 

Sean sent you a personal message hit me back buddy. 

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I feel you, Sean. I suffer from PTSD myself (amongst other things) and my life can be a total nightmare. I don’t know if killing yourself is the way to go, but I will say this: your posts on here have really helped and inspired me. And no doubt a lot of others too. That’s says a lot.

 

Was your life always like this?

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12 hours ago, SeanW said:

Man, I’ve been on a two months binge after being clean for 18 months. I’ve given up on life. Im sick and tired of it. I hate myself and I hate life and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just want be dead. I want it to be done. I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t. Nothing about life is fair. I’d rather check out. There’s nothing left here for me. I’m a piece of shit. I’ll never make it out. I fucked for life. If I never get back on here it’s probably because I’m dead. I gave it my best. I really did. I tried and gave it my all. Anyway, peace and love to all even though I don’t even have peace and love anymore. I wish you all the best. In an alternate reality things may be different. Oh well. 

Hey brother, please don't do anything drastic.  One things for sure, we've all felt similar hopeless feelings like you mention here and even when you think theres no fucking chance it'll get better, it fucking can man.  Just one day at a time, keep doing the next right thing and eventually you can pull yourself from hopeless to hopeful.  Get to a narcotics anonymous meeting and either listen or pour your heart out on how your feeling.  You'll be met with love and open arms there

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12 hours ago, SeanW said:

Man, I’ve been on a two months binge after being clean for 18 months. I’ve given up on life. Im sick and tired of it. I hate myself and I hate life and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just want be dead. I want it to be done. I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t. Nothing about life is fair. I’d rather check out. There’s nothing left here for me. I’m a piece of shit. I’ll never make it out. I fucked for life. If I never get back on here it’s probably because I’m dead. I gave it my best. I really did. I tried and gave it my all. Anyway, peace and love to all even though I don’t even have peace and love anymore. I wish you all the best. In an alternate reality things may be different. Oh well. 

Sean - this is the drug talking, not you. i don't doubt your life sucks right now, but the binge is fucking with your mind and emotions right now. trust me i know - when i relapsed earlier this year, i was on a 2 month binge myself. it really fucked with me emotionally.

don't let the addict make any rash decisions that sober you would regret. i agree with @Tom23Jones , get yourself to an NA meeting ASAP. 

 

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Sean we are on similar timelines and I can tell you the temptation to go back or try anything to ease the way I feel is tempting! Don’t blame yourself for having a relapse, just work to get yourself back together and you’ll recover from this in the long term! I have had the same feelings you are having and the biggest thing that keeps me going is the hope of hitting 3yrs with few symptoms left... You are not alone in the way you feel trust me! 

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My heart sank when I read this. Many of us had similar depressive thoughts.This isn’t you talking it’s the adderall. Perseverance. Make the decision to quit again. Sometimes people have to quit a few times . Minutes turn into hours, hours into days , days into weeks. Start building up that momentum. I believe in the power of prayer. I will pray for you starting now. Start climbing again.

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Thank you everybody. I’m 8 days clean. I was in a really bad place when I got on here. I’m feeling better now. Sorry if I discouraged or scared anyone. 

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