hannah95

PAWS? Or too early?

3 posts in this topic

Hello! I hope that everyone had a very happy Thanksgiving!

It hasn't been long since I've posted, but today would have been two weeks without Adderall; however, today I officially "relapsed". For the past two days I have been so depressed in a way that I haven't experienced since my teenage years and before I was initially prescribed Adderall. There has been a constant heaviness in my heart, and it's scary, because my depressive tendencies are half the reason that I was given Adderall in the first place. What's strange to me is that I was doing really well for the first twelve days. I substituted with Modafinil on days that I needed the energy (though there's no comparison between the two), but other than that Adderall has hardly crossed my mind. Until yesterday, when this depression hit me out of nowhere. 

I'm feeling exceptionally pathetic right now, because I happened to find some Adderall "dust" at the bottom of my purse, self-preservation kicked in, and I went for it. It wasn't much, but some of that heaviness was lifted, and I finally feel like I can breathe. Has anyone gone through an experience like this, where your first couple of weeks recovering were a breeze, and then things did a full 360? How did you handle it?

Thank you to those of you who so often take the time out of your days to read and reply to posts like this one. Those who commented on my last/first post offered me support and advice that I never could have received from a person who hasn't been in my shoes, and it was just what I needed. You guys are awesome.

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Hi Hannah. The most straightforward thing you can do to prevent impulsive relapse is make sure you don’t have any immediate access to the drug. Recovery from this drug is a long process and there will be good and bad days. I think it’s an awesome sign for you that the first couple weeks went so smoothly. That being said, it’s important to understand there will be bad, depressing, boring days. That’s just a part of life, recovery or otherwise. 

 

A trick I’ve used in early recovery is to ask myself if I can make it to the end of the day without using. Usually the answer is yes, and usually I feel better in the morning. Support groups and forums like this are a great resource as well. Post on here when you feel like using instead of after you do. Don’t be discouraged, do something different this time. 

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16 hours ago, hannah95 said:

I'm feeling exceptionally pathetic right now, because I happened to find some Adderall "dust" at the bottom of my purse, self-preservation kicked in, and I went for it.

totally been there - i've crawled around my floors looking for stray pills on occasion. it does feel pretty pathetic lol, but i'm able to look back on these things now with a sense of humor. you'll get there too, congrats on 2 weeks!!!  (: 

 

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