nic123

Did husband leave marriage because of his Adderall?

14 posts in this topic

Just trying to get some perspectives from others regarding Adderall behavior changes in a person. My story is pretty detailed. 

My life completely changed on me 4 1/2 months ago.

My husband and I’ve been together for 14 years married for 4. Bipolar and addiction both run in his family.

Trying to figure out if this is bipolar, Adderall or a mixture of things.

My husband has past and present addiction issues. A few years’ back he overcame an opiate addiction. He has always smoked pot, but in 2016 he started smoking marijuana wax (dabbing) and recently in the last year started mixing it with CBD oil and vaping it. He would get high morning, noon and night;  every day.

November 23, 2016, Adderall came into our lives. He was diagnosed as a child with ADD and hasn’t been on any medication since high school and he’s now 36.

Once he acquired Adderall from our General Practitioner, it changed him.

Within a year and a half, I have dealt with severe mood swings, rage, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, easily irritated; he say things like he felt crazy and there was a time he said felt different than our people. He would slap himself, tear shirts off himself. When he got angry he would sometimes say was going to blow his brains out in arguments. He would sleep very little. He would say things in our arguments like he rather find a single mom who hit the lottery by being with him instead of dealing with things in our relationship. We began fighting more once he got on Adderall and we really did not fight much in the last 6 years. The last year and a half, I felt I was walking on eggshells in my house.

I told him that I felt this medication was not right for him and he needed to talk to the doctor about getting on a different one, but he defends it. He says it has more pros for him like super confidence, focus and weight loss. Weight was a big thing for my husband. He had been overweight throughout our whole relationship and lost about 60 pounds once after Adderall.

Right after he got on Adderall, he started insulating our garage and was out there until 12:30-1 am in the morning on weekdays and then would get up 4 hours later. Would be very annoyed with me and would yell at me whenever I ask him to come in the house. He would say it is not like I’m out at bars, I'm here.

I know he would take more than prescribed because he would run out of his 30-day supply.

There were weekly morning anxiety fits if nothing went how he wanted in the morning. It got so bad that my dogs would come by me whenever he grunted. To him, everything is wrong and it is everybody else that is the problem. Has zero coping skills and said he uses drugs to cope with the things that were bothering him.

His daily cocktail:

· 1-2 Adderall 30 RX

· Two 5 hour energies

· Vaping Marijuana wax mixed with CBD oil all day every day

· A pack and half of cigarettes

Some days a topical steroid for psoriasis. Very recently started drinking more; not every day but when he did, it was very high alcohol percentage beers.

Excessive spender; would spend over $800 on pot, 5 hour energies and cigarettes a month. We would argue about how much he would spend on himself with his extra-curricular activities. Never managed money very well; a constant card swiper. My husband would constantly overdraft on his bank account. He made good money and had zero savings and on many occasions had a negative checking account.

My husband seemed okay the days prior before he left. On July 16 all hell broke loose.

The day before our fight, our friends invited us to hang out two weekends in a row. I wanted to hang out the first weekend they invited us, but he did not. So when we were asked again the following weekend, I had things to do so I encouraged him to go. He came home that night we were intimate, ate dinner and all seemed okay.

The next day my husband kissed me goodbye told me have good day I said the same. We were texting during the day and everything seemed fine. When I came home he seemed very irritated and was sitting on the deck smoking pot.

I know he did not sleep at all and he really had not slept the last couple days since being back on his Adderall and had drank the night before .

Came home from work and had to take my dog to the vet for a knee issue. I briefly spoke to him I was kind of annoyed by his attitude and knew he did not sleep much. I did not ask him to go with because he had such anxiety with our other dog’s knee surgeries and I did not want to deal with his anxiety and bad mode.

When I came back, I said she may need surgery and then he abruptly told me no more surgeries I want to divorce and then just went on this crazy rant of what I am not doing and what is so wrong in our relationship. His friend’s girlfriend was pregnant with their second child, we were not pregnant, and anything else that was wrong. I would never consider our marriage sexless. Some months we were active more than others.I had gotten off the pill a couple months earlier because we were going to start having children and he felt I was not trying enough. I wanted to start a family, but did have concerns about his recent behavior since being on Adderall. I know the last two months were not as active in the intimacy department, but we always were intimate every month. I will admit there were times I just didn’t feel like it, and as I talk about it to my Therapist I believe it was because everything that was going on . My husband spent more time to himself and I was taking on more responsibilities around house. The week before he left, we were intimate three times, including the night before our fight. He also said the week before he left how he could not wait until my stomach got bigger.

He was making claims that after we were intimate the day before, I like did a face or something and to him appear to him I did something to prevent being pregnant. I had no idea what he was talking about and told him no look I would have gave would prevent pregnancy. He felt I did not want to have kids even though I had been tracking my cycle, saving money for when I was going to be of work ( he clearly wasn’t saving money) and in May had just bought Ovulation strips. But to him because I wasn’t saying “its Ovulation time” I wasn’t trying.

Sure I could have done more I agree, but to say I wasn’t planning on having children is not true.

We argued for about an hour and then he went to the garage and did not speak the rest of the evening.The next day he didn’t come home until 12:30 am and we argued more and he told me he was going to cheat on me and people were flirting with him and he did not enjoy himself the last few times intimately, which again was news to me. What was strange is my husband sex drive was never really ever like this before Adderall. But he seems to forget about how he use to be.

He said he had been thinking since January about leaving and I had until July; which was also news to me because he never said anything about how I was on a time frame. But yet this whole time was talking about having kids with me and me being pregnant even up to the week before he left. We were planning an August and October vacations and another the following year in July. We stopped arguing around 2:00 am and I went to bed. About an hour later he is screaming at the top of his lungs that he can’t f****ing sleep and wants to shoot himself. I was almost certain our neighbors could have heard him. I said I was going to call the police or his mom, he told me if I did any of those he would most certainly get a divorce and retreated to the garage. So I did not do anything, because I did not want the divorce. But I did take any guns out of the garage and stay up until about 5:00 am to make sure nothing happened to him. He left the home that morning went to work and that was the last day he stayed at the house.

Then a few days later, after I am asking him to come back home, apologizing trying to figure out what happened we had an angry phone call for about two hours. All he did was yell horrible things, called me names. Not something he would do. He said things that didn’t make sense to me at all. He was bringing up situations that either didn’t exist or made absolutely no sense to our conversation. Kept telling me people are flirting with him and he’s going to cheat on me if I didn’t have sex with him three times a week. So within a 10 day period from our first fight, he filed for divorce at the end of July. After that we didn’t have any communication for about 2-3 weeks.

In August, I asked him to go to a marriage retreat in Colorado with me. After sometime, he agreed, but then backup out claiming it was too much money. So then I asked him to go to local marriage counseling with me. He was telling his mother he wanted to go to counseling, but just wanted a therapist present so we did not argue.

I gave the option for local counseling and he told me he would consider going to marriage counseling, but he still felt betrayed from a fight we had back in April. Our fight in April was I had said some things to him out of anger and frustration, the wine did not help either which was out of character for me. I was angry and said a few things to him and I am not an angry person. But I apologized and we moved forward, at least I thought.

While he still had not let me know his decision regarding marriage counseling, I was informed about him being on a dating website saying he was already divorced, had no pets and did not do any drugs and undecided about kids, but that was one of the main reasons he left.

 His whole profile seem like a complete lie. I was like who is this person. He absolutely loved his dogs and now threw them away like nothing. Threw me away like I was nothing. And didn’t even try to attempt to save the marriage. And now he is on more than one dating site.

This in 4 1/2 months after he left; he is like a completely different person.

Left the house and all his responsibilities and has not been back. I have not seen him in 4 1/2 months and had very little contact with him and at this point I do not want any contact with him.

Doing all kinds of stuff now as if the grass is greener syndrome.Is this bipolar, Adderall or addiction behavior?

Before, he always like to just hang “chill” at the house.  Once on Adderall he just isolated himself to the garage and got high all the time. I would argued with him about how he was not present in the house always getting high in the garage and always on his phone.

Did not really hang out with his friends almost seemed annoyed at times when they asked him to do something and just did not really want to do much. He would often get anxiety which really became very noticeable with Adderall.

Before Adderall, he loved watching TV did not really care to listen to music. After Adderall, hated TV and all of a sudden loved the Grateful Dead. He never wanted to do much just like to relax and now he is ambitious and all over the place. Signed up for Snapchat the week after he left and a few weeks later deleted his Facebook and he was always posting on Facebook prior to our fight.

I was thought about divorce back in November because it was just getting very tiring. I was so tried of the rants, but decided on marriage counseling instead. We attend 3 times and never got to any issues before he wanted to stop and we decided to try to continue in the fall. I know there was a part of me that was not happy about this, but since he went and said he would continue in the fall I agreed.

I did want him to go talk to someone on his own about some coping skills. He said he did not want to take any pills and that is what they will give him. This didn’t make much sense. If someone can help you with medication, why would you not take it. Maybe because he knew his daily cocktail was going to be the issue, and he didn’t want to be told he could no longer do those things. Maybe the fear of being sober.

The sad thing is he probably will never hit rock bottom, because he will never lose his job and doesn’t have to worry financially because of his family and he works for his family’s company. He has even displayed angry behavior at work which most people would get fired over.

Is it possible that this is a manic episode since his Mom and Grandfather both has/had bipolar? 

Or the Adderall and bipolar, or a mixture of everything has brought this on?

From what I have read if someone has bipolar and taking Adderall or any stimulant, it can increase the risk of mania if medications are not monitored. His personality did change a lot in a year and a half.

Now that I am reading about bipolar manic symptoms some of the things that he has always said was he was going to move away; he’d say that he hated his job and wanted to quit, but he could not quit because the place would fall down without him. He needs a change and people are flirting with him now. This was all very confusing to me.

Instead of having kids now, I am getting a divorce trying to figure what happened. It is probably best that I did not end up pregnant and I know I would have taken on most of the responsibility. It just is very shocking and hurtful when it is all of a sudden gone.

I spent 14 years with him and have forgiven and rebuilt trust on many occasions, and now he is gone. I know it is probably better, but just does not help much right now. My heart has not caught up with my mind yet. Everything is still raw with the pain of losing a person you loved so much. My future was just ripped out under me. I was really trying so hard to get us to marriage counseling because this could have been easily worked out and we really could have acquired new skills of interacting.

I just keep wondering if his mindset was completely clear would he still want this?

He has completely cut me and all his responsibilities out of his life. He took all his clothes and hasn’t been back since August 1. In a July email at the beginning of all of this, said he would come by once a week to mow and do anything other that I asked by only wanted to talk about the divorce. I haven’t asked him to do anything.

Said he would care for his dogs financially and wanted a relationship with them in the future, but no on his dating profile he no longer has any. Has not asked about them or anything else and he absolutely loved his dogs.

His parents were trying to help us get to counseling and whatever would come of the session there was at least an attempt to save the marriage. He never told me that he did not want to do counseling, just told me he needed time to think.

How can you just forget and get over 14 years with someone in like 9–10 weeks and go on a dating website? Once I found him on the dating websites I told him I was done. 

I have not seen him in 4 1/2 months and I only talked to him once on the phone in August. Other than that just sparatic emails or texts about the divorce. I haven’t heard from him in a month now. 

Any time we ever had a serious adult discussion, it would blow up for no reason. He  would say things like if something didn’t change he would be single.  This would come from an adult conversation about putting money in the bank. He acted more and more like this after Addreall. Before Adderall, we went like 6 years and barley fought, after Adderall it was a lot.

I had lengthy discussions with my therapist about the behavior displayed, and the rants.  Her comment was it sounded like he sound like an addict that was bullying me. My Therapist  he could be addiction, and bipolar or it could be something else like Borderline personality disorder, but until he got completely sober and off everything he really could not be diagnosed. 

He has treated me very cold and with such disdain and I never once in a million years would have saw this from him.

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@nic123 I’m sorry you are having to go through this. What you describe does sound like drug/Adderall addiction. Unfortunately what you or any of us say doesn’t make much of a diffence until he thinks he’s an addict. As far as bipolar, that’s something for a psychiatrist to diagnose. Likely only after ruling out drug induced mood issues.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this. Yes, this sounds like Adderall induced behavior. I went through something similar when I got hooked on Adderall. I Left my high school sweetheart after we were together 5.5 years and went through college together. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was wonderful and a fantastic partner. Adderall turned me into someone I didn’t recognize. I went from head over heals in love with him to all of a sudden (enter Adderall) I wanted to be away from him and I didn’t even understand why.  It was the Adderall “trance”.  To this day, twenty years later, I still regret leaving him. I think your ex will unfortunately regret what he has done too. Someday. He can hit rock bottom no matter how much money he has access to.  Adderall honeymoon does not last. It’s only a matter of time.

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Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately adderall does this to a lot of people. It ruined my relationship of 7 years. 

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@DrewK15 @Subtracterall @SeanW Thank you for sharing and for the feedback, it really helps. I never have experienced anything in my life like this. I tried to get him to talk to someone, but nothing ever came of it. My heart is broken, but I am getting better each day. I'm going through what they call the 5 stages of grief. I just can't believe I'm getting a divorce. I was trying so hard to work this out and hold on to my marriage. I am very new to this forum and I notice a lot of people reference a "Honeymoon period" . Is that something that is experienced for a few years?

I'm moving forward with my life, but I can't say I didn't wish some act of God would save our marriage. I feel no matter what I did , I didn't have a hope in hell.  I kept telling him something was wrong, and he didn't care. I could see what was happening and no matter what it was, it didn't matter . There was always an excuse. He had been complaining for years about how he needed to get back on some kind of medicine because he had trouble concentrating and focusing. Now I feel responsible because I encouraged him to go to our doctor to talk to him about getting back on some kind of ADD medicine. I was trying to help him and now look where that help got me.

It is such a confusing experience to go through something like this. The rollercoaster of emotions to walk away from what was your future and a person you loved so deeply. Now I find myself asking "What Now"?

Just wondering if anyone ever came to there senses before they threw their marriage/relationship away?

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I didn’t read it all but if he’s still gone probably best think it’s more than just adderall but it’s certainly a big factor. 

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@oswhid would be a good person to give you insight - there are some similarities in your posts! wishing you the best, this thing can be hellish. I can't imagine being the one who had to deal with me when I was at my worst. prayers to you both

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5 hours ago, Cheeri0 said:

@oswhid would be a good person to give you insight - there are some similarities in your posts! wishing you the best, this thing can be hellish. I can't imagine being the one who had to deal with me when I was at my worst. prayers to you both

From two different family members, I have seen bipolar I mania and I have seen how how taking adderall can completely change your personality and mimic mania.  It can be hard to tell the difference.  I cannot think of a worse combo than someone who is predisposed to mania taking adderall. 

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thanks @Frank B things changed dramatically when Adderall came into our lives. It was the pill that unleashed a beast inside of my husband.  @Cheeri0 I appreciate the prayers and oswhid's recommendation. I was trying to read up on more of your back story and couldn't find your first post about your story. I'm still learning to navigate the posts and replies. I would like to read up on everyones back stories to help me understand the magnitude of this medication and the long term effects and recovery. Even though my husband has left and my marriage is over, I'm still interested in the medication that assisted IMO hijacking my husband along with his other addictions.

@oswhid Yeah I don't know which one it is? He has not been diagnosed as Bipolar. He would not go and see a Psychiatrist. All I know is Adderall did something to him and it wasn't good from my view. His mother was diagnosed in her 30's wth Manic Depression (Bipolar) and has been taking medication for many years to maintain her condition. I'm trying to read up on different members stories to get an understanding. I have been researching both Adderall addiction and bipolar. Yes they both have similar symptoms of Mania. All I know is he is gone. He left and never came back.

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Adderall is ruining his life he just doesn’t know it yet. There will come a day when he realizes that. I hate to hear it and see it because it really is sad to me. It breaks my heart to watch what it does to people and their relationships. 

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So sorry you're going through all this. 

Sounds like he has MAJOR mental problems and from your post it's obvious Adderall has only made things worse. Like Sean said, he just doesn't know it yet. I've read many stories on here about ruined relationships and lost friendships, and it's because Adderall can temporarily fill any void. I was on a pretty low dose myself yet still recognize this feeling of 'I don't need others, I have my Adderall'. In the end, life will inevitably catch up to him. 

Make sure you take care of yourself. Take those dogs on nice long walks and be sure to hang out with friends, do fun stuff. Keep the mind distracted. It's going to take time, but always look towards the future. You might not see it right now, but it's bright and filled with opportunity.
 

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Thank you @SeanW and @JumboJimit is horrible to watch something take over a person you love and you cannot do anything to stop it. I am somebody who does not give up easily. But I tried to save my marriage, I put myself through hell to save US and now I'm just at another level of hell trying to get over US. He just went and FUBAR'd the marriage without a care. He wanted to go out in the world and date. I guess it was easier for him to walk away than to look at what he was doing.

I have read a little bit about everyone's back story and I want to congratulate each and everyone of you who recognized their addiction and had the courage to face it and overcome it. I'm sure from what I have read, it has not been an easy road for any of you. But, you all deserve to be free of this addiction and in time you will be happy and healthy again.

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It really sounds like the Adderall does not agree with him and seems to exacerbate his bipolar. Also the fact he is mixing it with pot and alcohol is likely making this a lot worse.

you need to give yourself more time. It’s only been 5 months so it is pretty normal to be grieving but you will start healing and there will come a time that the pain will no longer be there and you will discover you have moved on. From what you have described, he sounds like a manipulative bully and unfortunately because you have allowed this behaviour for sometime, he doesn’t have respect for you and treats you poorly.

you deserve far better than this. Also, had you become pregnant, it could have been very frightening for your future children to witness his outbursts which will likely get worse the longer the addiction continues. It’s more than likely the pot and Adderall have reduced his sperm count so he should be blaming himself and not you for the fact you didn’t get pregnant.

please see it as a blessing that this emotional bully is out of your life and don’t let this affect your self esteem or self worth. Are there any clubs, activities or hobbies you can join to help keep your mind occupied and meet other fun non drug taking peeps? It will take time but even if it takes half a century (which it won’t) it is still far better than remaining in an abusive relationship.

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Thank for the response @Socially awkward. Adderall definitely did something to him. He has not been diagnosed with Bipolar; his mother and grandfather both has/had the disease and he is displaying Bipolar manic type behavior. Although I did read, Adderall addiction can mimic this behavior as well.

I agree. I let his behavior slide. Anytime I would try to bring anything up serious or “Adult type conversations” he it would turn into a complaining rant. He complained I was always criticizing him, and that was never my intent. I wanted to communicate to him to start being a little more present in the house, and help more household responsibilities. He was procrastinating so much at the end. I feel I was doing everything and this can be very tiring in a marriage and he would just get high in the garage any chance he could.

I notice things getting worse, but I was just so exhausted with dealing with him and backed off. After a while, I was picking and choosing my battles.

 All I did was try to help him. I was not trying to be codependent, but now realizing I was. I am a natural helper. If someone I know needs help, I want to help them.

He has displayed violent type behavior; throwing things out of anger, which resulted in broken siding on my house, holes and dents in my walls.

I remember one time very clearly at the beginning of the year, he was having one of his morning anxiety fits (it appears it could have been a  withdraw period), and I thought to myself “I’m not going to get any help in the morning and how in the hell is he going to deal with a crying baby”.

My therapist and I talk and she thinks I knew deep down the current situation in my marriage was a not good for a child. Yes, I knew this was the case and but  sometimes the emotions makes it hard to realize it at times. Yes, you do not know if it is not him and his health reasons as to why it didn’t happen.

He was definitely bully me in the rants; that is exactly what my therapist said.  I go to therapy, reads some books and hang around family to pass the time. My life has been calm for almost 5 months now since he has been gone, but it still hurts losing someone you loved for so many years. 

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