DrewK15

Observing Active Users Post-Quit

6 posts in this topic

Over the holidays I have been spending time with a family member who actively uses Adderall, someone I really care about. It’s been a motivating experience for me to stay clean.

Said family member uses ‘as prescribed’, but the effects on behavior and interaction are undeniable. Waking up at noon and staying up all night, showers at 4 in the morning, obnoxious intensity during things like board games, talking over people, hyper-focus on puzzles while everyone else is enjoying each other’s company, etc.. It all looks way less desirable and attractive from the outside looking in. I cringe thinking about my own lack of grounded self-awareness while I was using.

I guess this is a bit of a rant. It’s been difficult not to get irritated. I remind myself I used to be even worse and try to respond with kindness. I guess it’s frustrating because said person is still highly functional in their career and I am shut down immediately if I bring up the Adderall as an issue. Thanks for reading all, Happy Holidays.

 

 

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6 hours ago, DrewK15 said:

I guess this is a bit of a rant. It’s been difficult not to get irritated. I remind myself I used to be even worse and try to respond with kindness. I guess it’s frustrating because said person is still highly functional in their career and I am shut down immediately if I bring up the Adderall as an issue.

yea. this can be pretty difficult to be around, and unless they've started to experience loss of effectiveness, they won't listen to you. be that as it may.. it won't last forever. we all know this the hard way.

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It’s very irritating to be around, even more if you are recovering because you know exactly what you are seeing. I can only imagine how horrible I was on it so I have compassion when dealing with others who are still on it. I used to snap at people and I definitely imposed myself a lot. All while thinking how amazing I was at everything because of overconfidence. 

The best thing for me is to avoid people who are on Adderall, I dated a girl on Adderall two years after I quit and I could absolutely tell when she was on it. It’s not becoming because she was so self absorbed and focused on whatever she was “working” on. 

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Same here!  Especially when they have told you they have quit and their behavior indicates otherwise.

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You hit the nail on the head with the lack of self awareness. I am so ashamed when i think back about the days when i would just talk and overshare and be all hyper and excited. With me i actually lost my adhd hyperfocus for the things i love, before adderall i could read a book for 12h straight with just food and bathroom breaks or do puzzles all night but all the other areas of my life we negatively affected by adhd. When on adderall i didnt read a single book (i normally would read at least one book a week) i couldn't do puzzles but instead i organized everything or i spent hours researching stupid shit and overanalyzing. 

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Hey. I totally did this, but with drunk people when I stopped drinking. :laugh:

2 Things I realized that might help-

1. I realized that whatever kept ruminating in my mind after being with these people,  or whatever " thing" especially seemed to rub me the wrong way was usually a reflection of something within myself. For example, the girl drunk crying and fighting with her boyfriend was something I just couldn't let go of. And I realized it was because I still had a lot of shame and hate for my old drinking self as I would usually end up the drunk crying girlfriend at the end of the night. These can be the best clues to what we need to heal / forgive in ourself.

2. Theres something really incredible about being able to see both sides - that a substance is total shit and that it can destroy someone's life. But also the ability to understand why a person uses it, and why they don't want to stop. This is a perspective that not most people have unless they've been through it themselves. And I think that perspective is really helpful not only in your own healing, but will be helpful down the road with others who are struggling.

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