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komgordon

Adderall ruined my life but I still flirt with the idea to get back on

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Adderall,

 

That little pill that made me feel invincible ruined my life. Gave me great pleasure, help lead me to my dreams then my downfall. I am now recovering with experimental drugs for parkinsons yet I still think of taking it again to feel that invincible rush that it first gave me.  Yet I think of my downfall, depressed, nervous wreck, unable to feel pleasure, paranoid freak.  Then I think of the good times and how this time will be 'different'. I need to squash it, it wont be different and it will take me the position I was in.  Do you guys have the same thoughts? Will they diminish or do you guys always ponder back on the good times and want the drug again? 

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I just returned to this board after 2 years to see why i quit in the first place. I miss adderall every day, there isn't a day when i dont consider going back on it. Especially when i feel overwhelmed, tired and fat. But then i read my posts here and see how desperate i was and how i made me feel like a failure and a junkie. Adderall is still lying to you. I suspect we will always crave it and its just like being in recovery from any other drug. Good luck, stay strong 

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7 hours ago, komgordon said:

Then I think of the good times and how this time will be 'different'

it won't be. 

actually, let me be more specific: it will be different in that the period of "invincibility" will be greatly reduced, your tolerance will jump right back to where it was before.. THEN it won't different. it will still lead to downfall.

i would be careful with those Parkinson's drugs, mainly because they're experimental, and second because you're still not allowing your body to start regulating its own dopamine systems.

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2 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

it won't be. 

actually, let me be more specific: it will be different in that the period of "invincibility" will be greatly reduced, your tolerance will jump right back to where it was before.. THEN it won't different. it will still lead to downfall.

i would be careful with those Parkinson's drugs, mainly because they're experimental, and second because you're still not allowing your body to start regulating its own dopamine systems.

Yeah, no you're right. I once relapsed and made go straight to a downfall for 6 months... I been looking for alternatives, like modafinil to try and get me what I enjoyed from adderall. Energy and focus\concentration. I am looking to make a stack that will give me the same effects I used from taking adderall.  Then I am like why not just use adderall. Horrible idea. thank you guys for removing the nonsense from my head. 

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@komgordon I would stay away from Modafinil. Jumping around from one stimulant to another hinders your body’s ability to recover. No combination of other drugs/supplements is going to give you the Adderall high you crave, more than likely it will just bring more pain into your life.

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How long have you been off Adderall? PD medications are primarily for movement issues, they don't give you the mental boost or euphoria of adderall. Most post adderall users do have a decrease in dopamine however its not the same as parkinsons.

Recovery takes a long time and is very frustrating. During the first year I have very bad symptoms and some got better within months and others seemed to get worse before stabilizing. Now at 1.5yrs I still have struggles however I notice very subtle improvements. I honestly believe it will be a good 3yrs before I feel the subtle improvements will amount to a near full recovery. 

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