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I was on adderall, 2 antidepressants, xanax, and marijuana for about 2 years. I never took over 60mg of adderall in a single day but I've been having the most horrendous indescribable withdrawal experience I've ever heard of. I'm 16 months clean off everything and still have severe symptoms. I'm wondering how much of it was the adderall or the combination or if something else is wrong. The first 6 months I could literally barely walk or talk. I was horribly dizzy, had tunnel vision, double vision, slurred speech, an alzheimers-esque memory (I'm in my 20s), couldn't think in general at all (I had a psychiatrist test me and I had a150iq as a kid and now it can't be over 100), terrible food sensitivities that would make all my symptoms flare up, slept 15 hours a day, constant urination, couldn't smell, had trouble hearing, and felt generally disconnected from the world and even my body, I still can't feel pleasure, I have no interest in things, I can't focus on anything. It was absolutely debilitating and I've been genuinely traumatized by the experience. I've recovered a bit in all these regards but am still horrifically fucked up for such low doses over such a short period. I'm wondering if anyone else here had such a severe and prolonged withdrawal? What were your guys' symptoms like? How long have you been clean and when did you feel fully recovered if you even do? Do you think we will ever make full recoveries? 

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hi Misanthropissed,

welcome to the forums! first of all, CONGRATULATIONS on 16 months! it sounds like you've had a pretty rough time this past year, which isn't unexpected, but you should give yourself more credit for the tremendous work you've done so far! i'm sorry to hear that you are still feeling severe symptoms. amphetamine long-term withdrawal has more to do with frequency and duration of use than dosage. 2 years of daily use combined with anti-d and benzos is a pretty serious cocktail, but usually at 16 months you should at least be over the acute physical withdrawal symptoms. most people here have made "full" recoveries - i've been clean for ~3 years and i would consider myself fully recovered.

of course each person's recovery experience will be different based on their body chemistry, hormones, values etc. but something to consider: the not so obvious thing is the notion of "letting yourself live." i think some people have an especially difficult time during recovery because they are constantly trying to measure, evaluate their mental state, compare to what they believe should be "normal". indirectly what you're doing though is keeping the negative symptoms in state of constant awareness, which just reinforces them.

i know this one of those "easier said than done" type ideas, but this realization was very powerful for me during recover. it allowed me to accept my current situation and simply believe in all the inspiring recovery stories here in this community. as i said above, most people here have made "full" recoveries. you will too (:

 

 

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Hey @Misanthropissed, welcome to the forums. I went of an antidepressant, Adderall, and heavy alcohol use all at the same time 8 months ago, so I can relate to some of what you are going through. I mostly dealt and deal with lethargy, memory issues, and the ‘disconnected’ feeling you describe. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you have made some awesome recovery from your physical withdrawal symptoms.

 

Psychological issues are a different beast altogether. Inability to feel pleasure and generalized meaninglessness (anhedonia and nihilism) are common, yet excruciating symptoms of Adderall withdrawal. I and many others here have been through it as well. Things like cardio, better diet, and socializing have given me some relief. I firmly believe in cognitive neuroplasticity. By exercising my mind and body I have noticed slow improvement in my intelligence/cognition. 

 

My concept of ‘full-recovery’ has changed over time. At first I thought it meant a return to who I was before Adderall, but I no longer believe that to be true. Being an Adderall addict changed me whether I like it or not. Drugs have been my solution to life’s problems for a long time and I don’t want to go back to being that person; I believe I can be better than I was before my addiction. In some ways I already am.

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Anyone who has recovered from Adderall has gone through what you’re going through. It is the Adderall, the other stuff is minuscule compared to Adderall in terms of recovery. I was taking 60-100mg of the orange instant release pills for 5 years. I smoked at least a pack of cigarettes a day and I even added vaping when they came out. I was addicted. When I quit, I went through the worst withdrawals ever. The acute withdrawals were brutal for the first 1-3 months, depression, suicidal thoughts, lethargy, anhedonia, extreme fatigue, I genuinely wanted to die. Months 4-12 were waves of the previous symptoms with some good days sprinkled in where I felt I was getting better. I put on so much weight which didn’t help the depression either. I got through the first year by just surviving and posting on this site and hanging out with friends on the weekend. Year two got a little better because I fought so hard and I started running. It was still a long year of recovering but my depression went down and I started to deal with life. Year 3 is going pretty well, I’m realizing that I’m back but I have to compare my life to my pre-Adderall baseline, not what I was like on Adderall. I feel fine today, still lazy but it’s not because of Adderall, I’m just naturally lazy, I have to self motivate which is tough without stimulants. This is a good thing because now I only do things that I absolutely have to do or I actually enjoy doing.

16 months is solid, I remember at about 16 months there was a turning point where I knew I was going to be ok. Congrats!

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Congrats on the 16 months!

Nothing you are going thru is surprising. I had many of your symptoms and still have some of them as well at  my 18mo. I still have memory issues, recalling names of people movies and sometimes even "forgetting what I forgot". Everyone's brain is different in how these medications affect them as well as how fast we recover. Also each of us had different doses as well as other mixed chemicals during use whether it was alcohol, anti depressants or whatever... So each persons recovery and symptoms will be quite different. Don't loose hope and keep doing positive things. Exercise is miserable however it really helps once you commit to it for a few solid weeks. Good luck to you and keep posting!

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Thank you guys so much! I'll definitely be frequenting these forums from here on out. I'd already done some supplement experiment but am now reading your guys' input. It's crazy that we all need years to recover. I can't believe doctors put kids on this shit for years. These people should be in prison. 

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I have a similar experience. I have an IQ of 164. Adderall screwed me up. I could barely function and had every side effect you did. I barely could do anything. I felt like I went below 100 also. However there is still hope. Just consider this like an injury. You can still heal and recover. 

Here ya go:

https://www.reddit.com/r/researchchemicals/comments/acf8ze/amphetamine_recovery_bpc157_9mebc_dihexa/

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I've seen all the claims about BPC and the research chemicals/nootropics. It all seems like a terrible idea to me. Quick fixes and drugs are how we got into this mess. I'll be damned if I'm going to inject myself with some unapproved research chemical that I read about on a Reddit post with broken English. I'm not going to try to play medical doctor/scientist while my brain is functioning worse than it ever was. All that sounds like a terrible idea that will make our conditions worse. I'll stick with diet, exercise, and time. I appreciate your reply but that sounds like a great way to cause more damage. 

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6 hours ago, Misanthropissed said:

I've seen all the claims about BPC and the research chemicals/nootropics. It all seems like a terrible idea to me. Quick fixes and drugs are how we got into this mess. I'll be damned if I'm going to inject myself with some unapproved research chemical that I read about on a Reddit post with broken English. I'm not going to try to play medical doctor/scientist while my brain is functioning worse than it ever was. All that sounds like a terrible idea that will make our conditions worse. I'll stick with diet, exercise, and time. I appreciate your reply but that sounds like a great way to cause more damage. 

Man, I wish I could frame that and put it on my wall somewhere.

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On 1/7/2019 at 0:12 AM, Misanthropissed said:

I've seen all the claims about BPC and the research chemicals/nootropics. It all seems like a terrible idea to me. Quick fixes and drugs are how we got into this mess. I'll be damned if I'm going to inject myself with some unapproved research chemical that I read about on a Reddit post with broken English. I'm not going to try to play medical doctor/scientist while my brain is functioning worse than it ever was. All that sounds like a terrible idea that will make our conditions worse. I'll stick with diet, exercise, and time. I appreciate your reply but that sounds like a great way to cause more damage. 

No worries man.  Wish you the best of luck. It's your body and your recovery.  However, I did want to ask one thing.  What was it exactly that you saw broken English?  Lack of grammar skills? Lexicon? Or...?  I wish to be an I.P. attorney and constructive criticism would be appreciated. 

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On 1/8/2019 at 10:57 PM, komgordon said:

No worries man.  Wish you the best of luck. It's your body and your recovery.  However, I did want to ask one thing.  What was it exactly that you saw broken English?  Lack of grammar skills? Lexicon? Or...?  I wish to be an I.P. attorney and constructive criticism would be appreciated. 

it's a bit of everything really. as an example in your post right here.. the sentence would read better this way: "Where exactly did you see broken English?"  (:

i read through some of your guide, and commend you for the effort, but i have seen you post this several times across multiple threads on this site already and it is coming off as self-promotion, which i suppose isn't against the rules here but may not be appreciated by all.

sorry to derail OP's thread!

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