Clavicula

Feeling a small change; four days in... How long will it take to get better if I didn't use Adderall every day and often had long breaks in between?

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Hi guys.

I am four days into my sobriety and don't get me wrong this withdrawal is fucking terrible, and I didn't even expect to get withdrawal because I only used Adderall every other day and spent a couple breaks of several months. Looking back, I can clearly see where stopping the Adderall lined up with my psychiatric symptoms such as depression and psychosis, which I had no idea were withdrawal from the Adderall. I didn't realize I could be addicted to it after just using it every OTHER day. I recall a couple of weeks after stopping the Adderall when I was abusing it heavily in 2016, I had a severe manic break when I went off all my antipsychotic meds. For several months after, I struggled with severe depression. I was crashing hard, and I even attended a special school designed as an outpatient program, which I hated, and I even got thirteen rounds of electroconvulsive therapy because literally no medication would help my depression.

Anyway, now I have realized the terrible things I have been doing to my brain, and I'm four days sober. Before a relapse, I had three days of sobriety. Yesterday was incredibly rough, I physically felt like I had lost contact with my body (even though I was seeing and hearing fine) from depersonalization. I felt disconnected from everything, unable to experience even the slightest emotion or sense of happiness. I am empty. Today has been very much the same, but I feel a little different. I would hesitate to say I am getting better, but in a way I am choosing to be happy. I have to force myself to think about little things like the birds chirping in the morning that make me happy. I have no energy, but I am forcing myself to do projects anyway. Despite my mental illness and drug addiction, or perhaps BECAUSE of it, I am a published author beginning a promising career. My poetry and fiction has been featured in numerous literary journals, and I have a poetry book recently accepted for publication by a small press, about my experiences with drug addiction and mental illness.

Right now, after I type this post, I am going to force myself to work through my next draft of the book because my editor wants me to make some edits. I kinda realize now that even though I feel like absolute crap, I just need to force myself through it. My doctor is going to prescribe me Strattera, which is a non-recreational medication to treat focus and depression. In the past, I was able to quit Adderall for several months with virtually no withdrawal symptoms because of this medication. I don't consider it a replacement drug or another way to get high, simply because it isn't recreational and not a traditional stimulant.

I am wondering if my withdrawal period will be better and shorter than most people's on this site because I didn't use it every day, and because I had taken several month-long breaks. What do you guys think? Also have any of you tried Strattera or a related antidepressant like Wellbutrin?

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13 hours ago, Clavicula said:

Today has been very much the same, but I feel a little different. I would hesitate to say I am getting better, but in a way I am choosing to be happy.

totally this! struggling with depression for much of my life, i've realized the power of simply "choosing" to be happy (doesn't work all the time though). sometimes we wait for things to change so we can "be" happy, but happiness is as much a choice as it is a state of being. stay positive!!!

13 hours ago, Clavicula said:

My poetry and fiction has been featured in numerous literary journals, and I have a poetry book recently accepted for publication by a small press, about my experiences with drug addiction and mental illness.

 this is awesome! i write a little myself, i'd love to read some of your work if you feel comfortable sharing (:

13 hours ago, Clavicula said:

My doctor is going to prescribe me Strattera, which is a non-recreational medication to treat focus and depression. In the past, I was able to quit Adderall for several months with virtually no withdrawal symptoms because of this medication. I don't consider it a replacement drug or another way to get high, simply because it isn't recreational and not a traditional stimulant.

What do you guys think? Also have any of you tried Strattera or a related antidepressant like Wellbutrin?

normally i would say to avoid all types of stimulant-ish medication, because Strattera can still cause dependence.. but i think given your confounding mental illness and tendencies, your safety is probably more important at this stage. if it keeps you off of Adderall, then work with your doctor to make sure the dosage is right. i've been taking Wellbutrin for about 4 years, and it helped greatly, especially early on in Adderall recovery. it too is non-recreational, well tolerated, very few side-effects, etc. 

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Yeah I actually have a ton of cognitive problems from the schizophrenia, not ADHD, and Strattera seems to help. Honestly, I would give anything to kill the cravings and lift the depression, which is why I am taking it. I read that it doesn't actually increase dopamine. It simply prevents the reuptake of norepinephrine. It doesn't really have abuse potential. I am feeling okay with starting Strattera because I read on Wikipedia that you can stop it without having withdrawals. And I would love to share my writing with you. I'll PM you.

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It won’t take too long. You’ll get better fast. Just stay off of it and you’ll be feeling better in no time. 

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22 hours ago, Clavicula said:

Yeah I actually have a ton of cognitive problems from the schizophrenia, not ADHD, and Strattera seems to help. Honestly, I would give anything to kill the cravings and lift the depression, which is why I am taking it. I read that it doesn't actually increase dopamine. It simply prevents the reuptake of norepinephrine. It doesn't really have abuse potential. I am feeling okay with starting Strattera because I read on Wikipedia that you can stop it without having withdrawals. And I would love to share my writing with you. I'll PM you.

You might talk to the doctor about Wellbutrin it’s been shown to help a lot of us and although I hate being on anything I just started a new prescription again on it due to bad seasonal depression. I do not know much about Strattera but know from experience you can go on and off Wellbutrin with little discomfort normally once summer hits and I get more sun I don’t need it.

Hopefully your journey to quitting adderall will be easier I’m a firm believer the length of recovery is based on how much and how long. I abused daily high dosage for nearly a decade so my recovery is on the more extreme side. 

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