Broken16

General Discussion please take the time out of ur day to help

3 posts in this topic

i don’t think anyone cares lmao 

I’m 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. Last year I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD, and ocd. Through out my whole life ive been day dreaming through it I didnt learn basic math or anything really because of ADD I’ve never been able to stick to anything or do good in school I always wondered why I was so stupid compared to everyone else. My life has been living hell dealing with Addiction and mental health. Last year the first time I ever took adderall I took at least 100mg and showed up to treatment the next day not able to breathe correctly and my heart pounding out of my chest. Later I learned I permanently damaged my heart. I bought it in the summer and felt the euphoria and interest and happiness in things I’ve never had before and just felt the best I’ve ever felt I could actually do stuff that other people can do .  I got prescribed adderall in the beginning of this school year 30mg XR and started off with a normal dose. I could actually LEARN at school for the first time in my life. As the year kept going I started developing a tolerance. I always wanted more more more. I started stealing adderall from one of my best friends and I found out the password for the safe my parents locked everything up in. On a good day I take at least 100mg through out the day. I take them anytime of the day sometimes I take it at night so I can stay up and enjoy it and have peace and quiet for once.  Like right now I’m off it. My best friend said that I’m a different person when I’m on adderall and I know I am but I didn’t think it was that noticeable. I keep going crazy on people and I’ve tried to fight my friends. I didn’t realize how much I was taking and how I was really acting. A few months ago I ran out and stopped cold turkey I went fucking crazy and ran away did whatever I wanted for 2 days then came back and crashed my parents were trying to wake me up but I wouldn’t and when I did I told them I was going to kill them and my dad has to hold me on the ground while I screamed on the top of my lungs til the police came and that’s how I ended up in the hospital for about a week withdrawling the whole time from adderall + the other stuff I was doing at the time. When I got out of the hospital I didn’t realize I was even addicted and didn’t stop to think wtf I was doing w my life. I’ve pretty much been on adderall this whole year I lost about 25 pounds or more Idek.I’m destroying myself with each pill I take I’m trapped and at rock bottom.  I don’t think I’ll ever make it through a life with out adderall. I made it 3 days then took 80 mg today because I felt like I couldn’t function. I just feel so crazy and hopeless. My life is pretty much over with 

 

 

 

 

 

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hi @hopalong56

first off, i'm sorry to hear about your life long struggles with mental health. these conditions can be crippling and often people around us don't seem understand how disabling it can be.

you probably already know this, but reminder yourself that you're not using Adderall therapeutically - you're just getting high on speed, and your skyrocketing tolerance is proof. that's the first thing you need to really understand. the most dangerous thing you can do right now is convince yourself that Adderall was the answer all along, and maybe you just need to learn to control it, etc. etc.

Adderall is not managing any of your conditions, it is masking it. you should discuss alternative treatments or medication with your doctor and be honest about your Adderall addiction. you have already crossed a line with amphetamine - it will never be a therapeutic solution.

 

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Man. Life ain’t easy, it’s not meant to be. Adderall makes it seem that way. But it’s not man. Cut the shit and drugs. You’re young man. I was the same way man but I didn’t find adderall till later about 22. Listen man.. just quit the shit. I know how tempting it is.. you can accomplish that state of consciousness through therapy and daily mindful practice and I’m not saying you have to do it now but just don’t keep using man. Please don’t keep using. Your so young. You’ve seen the dark side. You’ve seen the “easy” route but it’s not easy it’s an illusion it’s actually a downward spiral to hell. Go to therapy do whatever you gotta do to stay clean and function. I love you. I don’t know you but I do and you’ll find people that love you for who you are as adhd air headed artistic slow whatever you think you are. Your worth love and the person adderall makes you is not who you’re meant to be. You can realize this now or five, ten years from now when you’re in a lot worse shape. Anyway, wish you the best. Much love. 

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