clifking

Started off great, recovery now getting harder

12 posts in this topic

So I went cold turkey off Adderall, Vyvanse, and Mydayis after a brutal finals week brought me to my worst physical and mental state. It’s been a little over three weeks and I haven’t touched anything. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I’d be upon returning home for the summer, was fine hanging out with friends and all that. It seems that in the past week or so, even after 10-11 hours of sleep, my energy seems to “deplete” around 2-3pm leaving me with no choice other than to lay in bed and then fall asleep for a few hours. I’m still able to sleep at night regardless of the naps too. I’m taking vitamins and eating great too. I’ve started to drink coffee (although i’m iffy on caffeine based on my history with stimulants especially caffeine itself) to keep me at a somewhat normal energy level through the afternoons. Other than that, my interest/motivation levels SUCK, which is what is the hardest part and edging me closer to taking my meds again. Unless I’m with friends I sit around and do nothing, I don’t even have motivation to go downstairs and play Xbox or pursue things that I want. Does anyone have ANY tips to help me with this?? It’s unbearable you know? That feeling where you want to do so much but just can’t and it’s awful that I know stimulants were that tool to just lock me into anything and make me enjoy it no matter what it was. Thank you guys

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Hey @clifking, welcome. It sounds like you’re doing pretty well for your first few weeks off the meds. Your body needs some time to recover from those all nighter study sessions. Keep spending time with friends, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep. Most importantly, do whatever you can to get through finals without the drugs next year. There is no substitute for good time management, procrastination will catch up to you at some point. It did for me a few years after college. Let us know how you’re doing in a few weeks, I suspect things will get better for you quickly.

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Just got to pay the piper man. It’s going to be rough for a little while but to resume the speed is just prolonging and also extending the period of lows you’re going to have to inevitably face. Just ride it out man. Do what you can. We a lot of times feel so down and drained but if someone had a gun to your head or you were running from a pack of lions ready to eat you a live you’d find some pretty profound energy and motivation. What I’m saying is it’s not like we’re incapable or it’s impossible it’s just hard. Real hard. But we have to fight through it, be strong, be a fucking beast and own this shit. You’re not the first or last to be in that position and many people have bodied that shit, fought through, and made it so you can too. 

Good luck man, and much love. 

Cameron

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hey there @clifking

you've already got some great advice above, the only thing i'll add is consider how powerful this statement is:

11 hours ago, clifking said:

I don’t even have motivation to go downstairs and play Xbox

i know this to be absolutely true, cause i didn't play videogames for like a year after i quit, and videogames were a BIG part of my life before adderall. isn't that scary as hell?

stay far far away from stims.

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19 hours ago, DrewK15 said:

Hey @clifking, welcome. It sounds like you’re doing pretty well for your first few weeks off the meds. Your body needs some time to recover from those all nighter study sessions. Keep spending time with friends, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep. Most importantly, do whatever you can to get through finals without the drugs next year. There is no substitute for good time management, procrastination will catch up to you at some point. It did for me a few years after college. Let us know how you’re doing in a few weeks, I suspect things will get better for you quickly.

That's what I really hope to be my man. I want to build up self-control and mindfulness to be able build myself a much better study/homework plan for next year so that I don't have to take meds at all. It started off fine, I've been on them for about four years and didn't really have a problem until I started seeing that I was taking my meds and telling myself I had all this work to do. In reality, the workload wasn't awful and I shouldn't have needed them, but I started to get to a point where my baseline mood and motivation was being on these pills and after that it just became the only thing that could push me to do anything.

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18 hours ago, SeanW said:

Just got to pay the piper man. It’s going to be rough for a little while but to resume the speed is just prolonging and also extending the period of lows you’re going to have to inevitably face. Just ride it out man. Do what you can. We a lot of times feel so down and drained but if someone had a gun to your head or you were running from a pack of lions ready to eat you a live you’d find some pretty profound energy and motivation. What I’m saying is it’s not like we’re incapable or it’s impossible it’s just hard. Real hard. But we have to fight through it, be strong, be a fucking beast and own this shit. You’re not the first or last to be in that position and many people have bodied that shit, fought through, and made it so you can too. 

Good luck man, and much love. 

Cameron

You're so right! Whenever I'm backed against a wall with a deadline for anything, I'm able to get it done without an issue, even if I've procrastinated for weeks. I guess I really need to bite the bullet and harness the inner motivation I know that I have to apply it in a way that I don't need to be in those situations. I'm gonna stop being soft and push myself to go to the gym every single day, no matter how tired or unmotivated I am. I thank you for the words of motivation. Once I show myself that it's not impossible, I hope it'll put me on a much better track.

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7 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

hey there @clifking

you've already got some great advice above, the only thing i'll add is consider how powerful this statement is:

i know this to be absolutely true, cause i didn't play videogames for like a year after i quit, and videogames were a BIG part of my life before adderall. isn't that scary as hell?

stay far far away from stims.

It's frightening! Hell I could sit down for 6-8 hours straight playing MW2 or zombies or really any video game. It seems as if after Adderall, I just can't anymore. It's awful as even things I love like video games and movies just seem like they'll take so much effort and that I am incapable of playing them, yet I had no problem doing that until this past year. 

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hi @Zajche

that's hard to say - it varies from one person to the next. what i definitely recommend doing though is sharing your story on the Tell Your Story board. get it all out there, in with brutal honesty and detail. that post will be an anchor for your recovery, something to return to and remind you of the pain Adderall caused and a point of comparison to see how well you're doing now (:

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On 5/19/2019 at 10:45 PM, SeanW said:

Just got to pay the piper man. It’s going to be rough for a little while but to resume the speed is just prolonging and also extending the period of lows you’re going to have to inevitably face. Just ride it out man. Do what you can. We a lot of times feel so down and drained but if someone had a gun to your head or you were running from a pack of lions ready to eat you a live you’d find some pretty profound energy and motivation. What I’m saying is it’s not like we’re incapable or it’s impossible it’s just hard. Real hard. But we have to fight through it, be strong, be a fucking beast and own this shit. You’re not the first or last to be in that position and many people have bodied that shit, fought through, and made it so you can too. 

Good luck man, and much love. 

Cameron

You’re so right.  I might actually get off the couch and do a chore or two this morning.  Thanks for the motivation!!  

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On 5/19/2019 at 9:44 PM, clifking said:

So I went cold turkey off Adderall, Vyvanse, and Mydayis after a brutal finals week brought me to my worst physical and mental state. It’s been a little over three weeks and I haven’t touched anything. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I’d be upon returning home for the summer, was fine hanging out with friends and all that. It seems that in the past week or so, even after 10-11 hours of sleep, my energy seems to “deplete” around 2-3pm leaving me with no choice other than to lay in bed and then fall asleep for a few hours. I’m still able to sleep at night regardless of the naps too. I’m taking vitamins and eating great too. I’ve started to drink coffee (although i’m iffy on caffeine based on my history with stimulants especially caffeine itself) to keep me at a somewhat normal energy level through the afternoons. Other than that, my interest/motivation levels SUCK, which is what is the hardest part and edging me closer to taking my meds again. Unless I’m with friends I sit around and do nothing, I don’t even have motivation to go downstairs and play Xbox or pursue things that I want. Does anyone have ANY tips to help me with this?? It’s unbearable you know? That feeling where you want to do so much but just can’t and it’s awful that I know stimulants were that tool to just lock me into anything and make me enjoy it no matter what it was. Thank you guys

Hi! It sounds like your experience has been very similar to mine. I am approaching one month clean, and I have a couple of tips: 

1) sleep as much as you can. Honestly, you probably need it. I wouldn't be too alarmed by needing 10-11 hours plus a nap. It's totally normal during early withdrawal. I tend to have vivid dreams and I know every night I get a deep night's sleep means my brain is recovering.

2) I don't think there is anything wrong with having a little bit of caffeine if you feel lethargic. Habits are easiest to change when you actively replace an old pattern with a new behavior that gives you a similar reward. Obviously, caffeine doesn't come close to giving you the feeling the pills did, but it may help on days that are extra hard.

3) when you feel extra low, it helps to go outside and get your heart rate up. This may be really difficult bc of lack of motivation and low energy, but you won't regret it. Exercise is probably the best thing you can do for yourself in this state. It will help your brain get back to somewhat normal neurotransmitter levels. 

4) if it's extra difficult to get started on work, add a little something extra. For example, I will light a candle or play some music in the background. We need that little extra stimulation to get started. You might be surprised at how some days you may be able to get into a creative flow and be pretty focused for a while. Obviously this focus will feel different than when you were on the meds, but personally there has been no more rewarding feeling than when I discover the right balance of natural stimuli to get me in a good headspace to work. Be open and creative and try and have fun with rediscovering your mind's natural little idiosyncrasies. 

5) get plenty of veggies, fruit, and water! I have made the mistake plenty of times that I can eat whatever and still focus because that was how it was on the pills. Healthy diet is just as important, if not more important, than exercise. Just think of all those nutrients coming directly from the food you eat that help with natural neurotransmitter production. I have a green drink I take daily called Athletic Greens. It's a little pricey, but there are cheaper alternatives as well. It makes me feel awesome and is a fantastic pre workout drink. 

6) Be kind to yourself! This is SO important! The negative self talk can trigger a whole load of thoughts that will make it easy to justify taking the pills. For example, if I miss something super obvious and make a mistake while working, it's easy to automatically think 'I can't do anything without my meds. Why am I even trying?' In the past, these thoughts have always led to me getting back on the pills and inevitably ending up in the same destructive cycle of abuse. The thing that has been so helpful this time around is actively observing my thoughts and redirecting when I notice the negative self talk. I now try and think that every little mistake means my brain is learning and adapting. I have to believe that this phase is temporary and that every day that passes means that my mind is getting a little bit stronger. I have to believe that my future self will thank me for going through this struggle. I am making this sacrifice for my future self and future relationships. Honestly, what other choice do you have? You owe it to your future self to see what you're made of without the pills. Have faith in yourself and know there is so much beauty in the struggle. You will be so much stronger because of it. 

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Hey Darryl,

Went to your web page looking for progress, alas, you havent updated your page yet. You did actually do something this weekend, didnt you?

Mike...

engled

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