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DrewK15

Checking In, 402 Days

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Hey guys, haven’t been on here or checked in for a while. I’m at a little over 13 months sober and doing okay. Had a couple more job opportunities fall through so I’m struggling with that. Struggling to re establish socially as well, after isolating so long I find myself scared of other people. I’m exercising, eating well, going to counseling, go to recovery meetings, sleep well, etc. I just feel empty and emotionally drained. I’m not going to use today or anytime soon. But it seems appealing again because I just don’t feel like whatever I’m striving for is worth it. Sorry for the downer post. I am grateful to be sober today.

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Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough patch @DrewK15 I’m sure you’ve read enough posts to realize what you’re experiencing is completely normal. No doubt you just want to switch gears and move on already.. Remember how far you have come! It’s easy to lose track of all that you’ve accomplished when the depression phases come. Don’t dwell there. Keep up the fight! It does get better!!

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You have entered the aftermath of recovery. You made it through the first year and now you’ll have to start building your new life. It’s tough because everything you do is all you, no help from drugs or anything else. This was a struggle for me too but over time it becomes empowering when you accept it. Motivation follows action. Do something, anything, and things will get better. It’s just life so try to enjoy every moment, even the shitty ones because one day you’ll look back and actually miss this time in your life.

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Thank you for the feedback and encouragement @William @Danquit. I have made so much progress from where I was. By necessity, the last couple days I’ve had to function on 5 hours of sleep (my usual is 8). And I’m doing it. I’m moving around, productive, in a decent mood, and thinking clearly. This was unthinkable even a couple months ago in my recovery. It is getting better. 

On 6/13/2019 at 1:02 PM, Danquit said:

one day you’ll look back and actually miss this time in your life.

Can you (or anyone else) expand on this? It would be disingenuous for me to tell you I actually believe this statement, as much as I’d like to. I practice gratitude daily and it gets me through. But missing this part of life someday? No way. I can’t wait for it to be over most of the time. Life 5 years from now looks so much better than it is now given all of the damage I have to repair in my life. I know this thinking is hurting me, maybe hearing how this has been true for you will help. 

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