idkanymore

I’m hopeful

3 posts in this topic

Day 9. I’ve made it 9 days without taking a little orange pill that ruined my fucking life. I can’t believe I was a slave to a bottle of pills for 8 years. I’m surprised I didn’t go into cardiac arrest towards the end of my use. I was using 180-200 mg or MORE each day, which is insane considering I’m a 5’6” female who weighs 170 pounds. Some things I’ve noticed since being sober, I’ve felt all of my emotions more deeply. I feel like I can love my daughter without worrying about taking a pill to be more productive to clean the house to make me a better mom. (That’s literally how I used to justify my usage) I cook for my family and I enjoy eating the meal I cooked, I can eat without choking because of the dry mouth, I can taste food, I get excited about eating for once. I feel so much more loving towards my boyfriend, someone who deserves all of the love and support in the world for dealing with my crazy self throughout my addiction. I’m recognizing not all days are good days but I’m damn proud of myself for making it this long. 

(I have taken temp breaks for tolerance in the past but it would only be to lower my tolerance and the whole time I’d be waiting on my refill or waiting to meet up with my dealer. This is the first time I’ve ACTIVELY wanted to be CLEAN.) 

If anyone is reading this and wanting to quit but not feeling like you can, you can. The first week is hard, but we are stronger than this addiction, we are stronger than a bottle of pills. Break the cycle. Life is much sweeter without worrying about when you will get your next fix... I promise. ❤️

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