HairsprayQueen

Sitting in the waiting room

5 posts in this topic

After 7 years of Adderall I managed to survive for one month without it. I slept until I couldn't and I've eaten everything in sight.  I gained 15 lbs. My clothes no longer fit and I can't stand to look in the mirror. I lose everything I touch.  My working memory doesn't exist and I feel selfish for all the failure that has come as a result. 

Right now, I'm waiting to be called back so I can confess my failure to my GP (whom I highly respect) and score more speed. Spilling all these words onto the forum is making me feel less wretched, so thank you for that opportunity. 

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Congrats on the month clean! I was slightly confused by part of your post when you said “score more speed”, are you getting back on your script or was that a typo?

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5 hours ago, eric said:

Congrats on the month clean! I was slightly confused by part of your post when you said “score more speed”, are you getting back on your script or was that a typo?

Thanks for the congrats, but unfortunately I did get back on my script.  I feel like I learned quite a bit about myself during the past month though.  If I can establish some productive habits (like following a schedule), my next attempt at quitting might be more successful

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(Disclaimer: I rambled a little bit and may have vented about my regrets..)

@HairsprayQueen Just checking in to see how things are going. I cant believe its been a month since you made this post.  It feels like an eternity to me...just wanted to let you know that we're all still here to offer support when you need it.

Lately my memory has been a little crappy and I can barely remember yesterday but today I passed by a beauty shop where I know one of the stylist uses stimulants and somehow your username popped into my scattered brain along with this post.  It made me think about that morning when you posted about being at the doctors office and caving in.  I was only day 7 and I wanted reach out to you to somehow make you rethink your decision but I knew that there was nothing in my power to help you at that time and I honestly didn't even know what to say at the moment, I happened to be on the site when you posted it :-(. Instead of saying something right then I waited a few hours to just say something simple and I'm sorry about that, even though your mind seemed pretty set on getting back on them.

When I look back at your previous posts over the years it kind of reminds me of my previous ones...and I always wanted to go back in time to my first post about quitting cause I would be so far in recovery by now if I stuck with it back 2016...and then I would post months later about the hell I was still in and yada yada....however from every relapse I did learn something and thats key to going forward.

In the end tho, we all have to stop one day and my time has finally come and I'm thankful I didn't get to the 6 year mark of usage (5.5years roughly).  I wish I would've been able to stop back at the 2 year mark because this process would've been so much easier and the damage I did to my life overall could've been reduced, but I am happy I've finally reached my quitting point now than later. I guess I just wanted to remind you that its better to quit at 7 years instead of 8 because eventually you will have to.

I'm glad you were able to learn quite a bit about yourself during that clean month and I hope you are establishing productive habits so your next quit is the last one. Best of luck and I genuinely hope the best for all those that come here.  I personally am getting thru because of this site and the members.

Today marks 38 days of being free...

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