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Jacob

6 Months Free!

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Yesterday marked 6 months free. I'm still having trouble adjusting to anxiety, but so much has improved compared to months 1-4. I can actually sleep alone now, I don't have panic attacks as often, I've been doing a lot of work towards fixing the messes I've created while on adderall, I didn't gain back a ton of weight and if anything I'm more consistent than I ever was, my memory is also much better. I'm really excited to see how I feel at the 9-12 month marks. Be excited if you've made the decision to quit. It does get a lot better. Sometimes you won't even notice that you aren't dealing with things you wished would end when you get to this point. I'd love to hear more from others who had PAWS. 

- Jacob

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Congrats on the 6th month mark!! I'm on day 35 and been extremely busy the past few days and feel pretty fatigued along with having memory loss issues so reading this post was a great thing just now.  I thankfully have no desire to go back on stimulants even though last week was insane at work and I had some weird anger/rage issues going on.  I weirdly keep thinking I should be "better" by now cause I feel like I've been in recovery for months already. I realize I got a long ways to go and the only way to get better is to not take anything. 

Congrats and thank you for posting!!! It helps reassure those of us in early recovery that things will get better!!

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@eric Hi Eric, Thanks so much! Day 35 is a big deal, I often wouldn't make it passed day 3-4 when I tried before. Don't make the mistake of trying to go back before you see it through. For me honestly months 1-3 were harder than the first week. I don't know if you'll have the same difficulties you may recover much much quicker, we're all different and my recovery is considered to be on the more serious side though adderall became a huge part of my personality, and life making it much harder to quit, and start over. If you don't feel better immediately I have been collecting some anecdotes on others who have had polydrug addictions, and adderall use that describe feeling much better after a more prolonged period and I assure you that they all took just as long so if you aren't where you want to be mentally soon, don't give up, I've been feeling better than I have ever at points, keep track of your good days! I'm here for you just like everyone else on the forum is. I was really afraid I was going to lose my mind around month 2 when I hadn't felt better yet, then I found this forum and found I wasn't alone. I hope to continue hearing from you!

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@JacobHonestly I feel like this past week has been harder than the first 4 weeks.  Idk if the initial "excitement" of quitting wore off after I hit the 30 day mark because 2.5 years ago when I hit 30 days I felt amazing (granted that was over 2.5 years ago and alot more drug abuse has happened since then) but when I hit 30 days this time I actually felt crappy.  I'd like to bring up the fact that it was a rough work week last week and even my coworker(he doesn't do drugs) was pretty burned out on all the clients we had calling in with issues.  SO, maybe thats why I was feeling down too, even if I was on adderall it would've been stressful due to the stupidity/ignorant levels of people.  

In a recent post somebody stated that the 2nd month was easier than the 1st month and I was excited about getting into the 5+ week mark but now I'm beginning to realize that my recovery may not be like theirs.  I'm kind of glad to see you mention that 1-3 months were tougher than the first week and you were afraid of losing your mind around month 2 because I've been hard on myself for not being better and being more active and its depressing.  My wife reminds me tho that I'm still early in recovery and to take it easy on myself because its not gonna help anything. (She doesn't fully know what I'm going thru but atleast shes positive and wants to help).

Luckily, I've read this site long enough to know that this is a long term recovery and it doesn't happen over night. Everyone is different but I honestly thought I would be "good" by now and that was wishful thinking.  On a positive note, I have not craved or even thought once about taking meds, I remind myself that they do not fix anything and I quit them in the first place for multiple reasons. Well I better get back to it and your post has seriously been a big help.

-Currently day 36

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I’ve dealt with plenty of what I would call PAWS. 16 months clean for me this week. I remember the first 9-10 months of recovery, every time I was feeling overly sleepy, anxious, foggy, whatever, I started thinking OH MY WORD PAWS HAS ME I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL AGAIN!!! And then slowly without noticing it, I processed a bad day as a bad day, or a bad week as a bad week. Instead of PAWS it’s just a bad day. PAWS is very real and I very much went through it, but how long it lasted is a little less clear. I’ve become a more patient and content person in this recovery so day to day garbage just doesn’t matter as much. Hang in there and keep focusing on making it to bed clean and sober every night, you all are doing a great job!

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@DrewK15 Yeah I may have been experiencing PAWS and not fully realizing it, I briefly read up on it and maybe the high levels of stress led me to the full on rage/anger, irritability, and the host of other things that PAWS can consist of.  I've had a few bad work weeks/days like the one last week over the last 5 years except this time I didn't have drugs nor the desire at all to take them so my brain reacted poorly (as in the increased stress levels triggered my brain to take something but I wouldn't so it didn't know how to act, PAWS!!). Who knows....but I will say it was a rough week and I hope I am able to handle them better in the future and it sounds like with enough time I will be able to. Thanks DrewK15!

Gonna go outside and ride my bike to help my mood and hopefully start losing some of this extra weight I've gained!

-Currently day 36

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@eric Stress will definitely make things worse or feel worse. I've noticed a lot of people who aren't dealing with withdrawal and abuse themselves much harder aren't normally so knowledgeable about how they can be affected, or simply just don't have much to care about other than the present, I didn't know much when I started medication and my obligations have nearly tripled. The negative feelings you experience are responses to you re adapting to handling negativity, I have to say stress and physical exertion were much easier to handle on medication initially, but the new you will become stronger than the dependent you was, you are solid from within regardless of conditions. After a while you become adapted to stress, and not having something to forcibly make you happy. I've said in other posts that's why its good to treat yourself for doing the right thing, eating junk food after a week of exercise and sobriety is always well deserved.

@DrewK15 It's great to hear someone's made it out the other end. Month six is so much better than month five it's actually crazy. I'm really looking forward to month 7. Even though you are at 16 months, I believe the benefits continue to accumulate if I'm correct, have you noticed any other positive changes after the ceasing of PAWS or do you feel durable again in a sense?

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