Alicia Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 I am so tired of relying on blue pills to get me through each day and the terrifying feeling I get when I am about to run out. I have been taking adderall for about 10 years now. I was diagnosed with ADD in college and did not abuse it at first but in 2004 my mom died suddenly from a brain aneurysm and my life changed completely. She was my best friend and I relied on her way to much emotionally and I have never felt so alone in my life. I could hardly function or get out of bed in the morning and that's when adderall became my new best friend. I had always self medicated in the past but this was different- I was popping a pill just to get the motivation to take a shower in the morning. My life was a roller coaster of emotions for the next couple of years as I went from job to job and relationship to relationship. I was slowly becoming a different person and didn't realize it until about two years ago. I was abusing adderall and in therapy trying to figure out why I was suffering from such panic lately (not even thinking it was the stimulant that I had been abusing for 8 years and of course not telling the psychologist that I was taking it). I went 8 days without sleep and was delusional. I was hallucinating and twitchy and had lost 20 pounds. I was suicidal over it. My doctor admitted me to a psychiatric hospital and I was there for over a week. I was so scared but I think it saved my life. You would think something like that would scare me straight but it didn't. Here I am today, still living script to script and dreading the week that I have to go without it b/c I have to wait enough time in order for my primary care doctor to prescribe it. I actually like my job but am fearful I will lose it because of calling out when I don't have my adderall. Here's the thing- I hate the way adderall makes me feel anymore but when I run out I get SEVERE panic attacks where I can't even leave the house. I can't eat and I shake all day long. It's horrible. I hate the way I am when I'm on it and off it but I am making the choice to get off it permanently and have never been more afraid. I live with my boyfriend and love him so much but he does not even know that I take this horrible drug. I have become so good at hiding my addiction. How do I tell him that I am about to turn into a different person as I go through all this? I don't even know where to start. I am grateful to have found this site and know that I want to quit. I miss my mom everyday, but I miss who I used to be without adderall more. Well, thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Posted January 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Well it has been 3 days since I quit and the biggest step was giving my best friend 120 pills to flush down the toilet. I have faith in myself and faith in God and I will kick this addiction. I quit smoking cold turkey 6 years ago and now it's adderalls turn. Good luck to everyone !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EV-OO Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 I can totally relate to the anxiety you feel when you realize you are almost out of Adderall. I hate when I can see the bottom of the bottle. I use a pill organizer with compartments for each day of the week. This keeps me fully aware of how many pills I have taken as well as how many I have left. It serves as a visual reminder that there is a limit & makes you pause and think for sec rather than popping pills with reckless abandon. Best of luck to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hey Alicia, Welcome to the boards and congratulations on quitting. Here are some tips I oompiled together...and just wanted to pass along..Most of us here know exactly what you are going through...You can do this. Tips for Overcoming Adderall Addiction 1. Stay off adderall one day at a time 2. Get support. Don't try to recover by yourself. Check back here, Continue to share your story. A lot of people here have been able to recover and so can you.. 3. Realize the shape you are in and that you need help. 4. Forgive yourself and know you aren't alone in your struggle 5. Realize you are not perfect and don't need to be 6. Realize you are the only one who can change yourself 7. Know there is a light at the end of the tunnel And most importantly - stay strong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 I just want to add, one of the best things about quitting has GOT to be no longer feeling terror when the pill bottle is almost empty!! Nothing can compare to that horrible feeling of running out too early and feeling helpless... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.