NurseAddy

I can't believe it's me...

78 posts in this topic

Wow... @NurseAddy, we've talked before, when I had quit.  I never read your story til now.  I resonate so much.  I am 37.  I am a mom of 4.  I own my own business.  I am a psychotherapist.  I help people quit addictions all day every day.  And I am fucking addicted to adderall.  :(  

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On 10/9/2019 at 1:47 PM, NurseAddy said:

@SeanW Thank you very much for the reply. I too don’t want to have to lose everything before I realize my mistakes and my addiction. I hate Adderall as soon as I take it but it never stops me from refilling the damn thing. What gives? I can’t target why I want it nor the trigger behind the refill. I have no will power, plain and simple. I will keep fighting the addiction, nonetheless. Thank you again. 

I wish I hated it every time I take it.  I just feel relief when I take it.  :(

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@DelaneyJuliette Don’t be so hard on yourself. I obviously don’t always hate it or I wouldn’t be addicted and you don’t always find relief taking it or you wouldn’t be here searching for light in this dark tunnel of addiction. I understand what you’re saying though, it’s a temporary relief for a lifetime of hate, I feel. I still crave the first few days of a high as those are the best until I ALWAYS end up hating the choice strung out with no sleep, picked off face, aching muscles and still a desire to find the next self destructive pill.
 

Every day is a struggle, but every day sober is worth far more than a lifetime of addiction. As you know, addiction is controlling those ‘happy’ thoughts you have about adderall but wouldn’t you love to be in control of your own life? If not for yourself, for your children? Wouldn’t you love to not place priority in pills? You are fully capable of taking back that control. You deserve control of a sober, healthy life as do your children deserve a sober mother. You can do this, don’t let a pill control your life!  

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