stefania590

Just when things were going well

3 posts in this topic

Hi all, new here. I'm almost 60 days off the pills and have been happy with life lately... until boom - intense adderall cravings out of left field. I feel like my body is playing a cruel trick on me by allowing me to go 2 months relatively easily.. each day was getting better than the day before it. I was beginning to feel normal and enjoy my life. The cravings were gradually disappearing and I was feeling so strong and proud!

Why, 2 months later am I all of a sudden obsessed with adderall again? I wish I could make sense of this addiction. I expected the battle to get more manageable with each sober day, not suddenly intensify. I am really struggling to cope with what feels like a test I'm rigged to fail. 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can PASS this test...

I'm on day 65 today and I've been happy with life lately as well...then yesterday a thought from my addict side popped up in my head that maybe adderall isn't as bad as I've made it out to be. It was a very intense craving that temporarily scrambled my thought process. Whats crazy is since quitting I've actually been around people that are on adderall and was able to decline one that was offered to me at birthday party a few weeks ago, not to brag but with the mindset I've been in it was relatively easy to say no. 

Yesterday when the craving hit it was so intense that I actually looked into my coworkers bottle and saw them in there and thought of how awesome I could feel if I just took one but then I quickly thought to myself the reason why I quit in the first place.  I thought " I can't take just one and be happy, one leads to two and so on..", this is just one of those cravings that everyone on the forum said would happen and no one is stopping me from taking one except me.  I've thrown away sobriety more times than I can count in the past and the regret is way greater than that fleeting moment of "awesomeness" I may or may not even experience.  So I put the bottle back in their drawer and walked away.  The feeling I got from winning that battle with my addict side actually pulled me out of my lull I was experiencing all morning. 

I called my friend that now has over 4 years of clean time and he said those intense cravings happened quite often in the first 6 months. When he quit he was still with his now ex-gf for 9 months that took adderall. He told me he would go through the exact same thing I did, have the cravings, look at her bottle, then talk about all the negatives, and feel great after walking away from them.  Even after 4 years his brother will offer them to him at family parties but he doesn't think for a second about taking them and declines. I know this because I would be there taking them with his brother lol.

SOOOOO......these cravings are just something that we have to go through and deal with.  The main thing is not giving in to the cravings and undoing all the clean time we've worked hard to get. I've seen it personally and read it plenty on here that in time things will get much much better! Good Luck!!!

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
42 minutes ago, eric said:

You can PASS this test...

I'm on day 65 today and I've been happy with life lately as well...then yesterday a thought from my addict side popped up in my head that maybe adderall isn't as bad as I've made it out to be. It was a very intense craving that temporarily scrambled my thought process. Whats crazy is since quitting I've actually been around people that are on adderall and was able to decline one that was offered to me at birthday party a few weeks ago, not to brag but with the mindset I've been in it was relatively easy to say no. 

Yesterday when the craving hit it was so intense that I actually looked into my coworkers bottle and saw them in there and thought of how awesome I could feel if I just took one but then I quickly thought to myself the reason why I quit in the first place.  I thought " I can't take just one and be happy, one leads to two and so on..", this is just one of those cravings that everyone on the forum said would happen and no one is stopping me from taking one except me.  I've thrown away sobriety more times than I can count in the past and the regret is way greater than that fleeting moment of "awesomeness" I may or may not even experience.  So I put the bottle back in their drawer and walked away.  The feeling I got from winning that battle with my addict side actually pulled me out of my lull I was experiencing all morning. 

I called my friend that now has over 4 years of clean time and he said those intense cravings happened quite often in the first 6 months. When he quit he was still with his now ex-gf for 9 months that took adderall. He told me he would go through the exact same thing I did, have the cravings, look at her bottle, then talk about all the negatives, and feel great after walking away from them.  Even after 4 years his brother will offer them to him at family parties but he doesn't think for a second about taking them and declines. I know this because I would be there taking them with his brother lol.

SOOOOO......these cravings are just something that we have to go through and deal with.  The main thing is not giving in to the cravings and undoing all the clean time we've worked hard to get. I've seen it personally and read it plenty on here that in time things will get much much better! Good Luck!!!

@eric Thank you so much, this really helps.

We can do this!!! 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now