I'm 52 and today I ended my relationship with my Adderall supplier - my psychiatrist

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I can relate so much. I think what we all crave and were chasing was that experience we had in the early days of our adderall addiction- before it became so problematic and we fell down the rabbit hole. It is an unfortunate reality that we can never recapture that because we passed the point of no return with our addiction. I stopped drinking in November and I have been having intense moments of craving and even debating with myself if I can start drinking casually again. I rationalize that my drinking wasn’t THAT bad and I had more good nights than bad. But then I remind myself of a metaphor that applies to drinking but also any addiction, especially adderall and that is that you can’t unpickle a cucumber. Once a cucumber has been turned into a pickle, it can never go back to being a cucumber. And I know that I can never go back to being a casual drinker and none of us can ever take adderall without slipping down the slope into addiction hell. 

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