LILTEX41

HOPE

9 posts in this topic

Hello Quitting Adderall Beauties!

Good morning and hope you are off to a great day!  I am sitting on my couch, drinking coffee, snuggled up with my ragdoll cat Barbie, the sun is shining, and I have a couple candles lit.  I have GOOD NEWS for you today!

So first off, for anyone who doesn't know me, I am one of the oldest members of this site.  I was the first commenter on Mike's article titled, "Your Challenge." My real name is Erin. Anyhow, I have been away for the past 2.5 years and it pains me that I lost my way and fell back down the rabbit hole.  HOWEVER, I'm back!!!  And I am more determined than ever to stay on track and pick up my recovery where I left off.  

With all that being said, it's been 9 years (November 12th, 2010) since I quit my ADDERALL PRESCRIPTION and told my doctor I was addicted to them and to never give them to me again.  THIS WAS A SMART IDEA.  I haven't had a prescription for 9 years now (THANK GOD) and I have barely had any adderall since then.  During my last relapse, I did manage to find a couple people that had a script and sold me a minimal amount.  However, because this was so short lived and I didn't get caught up in the cycle again, it wasn't a big deal to break.  I actually discovered a new drug when I got sober 5 months ago called, "Kratom."  And that ended up being just as detrimental as adderall, but I was lucky enough to quit cold turkey 26 days ago (suffer through 3 weeks of intense withdrawals) and I am finally back and feeling better than ever! 

I was scared about the kratom war at first because I had no idea what it would feel like to be off of it after I had been on for 4 months straight (like drinking it 4-6x a day).  Anyhow, I am finally over the hump of withdrawals and completely CLEAN AND SOBER.  The #1 thing that is keeping me GOING STRONG right now is I think back to 9 years ago HOW MUCH I STRUGGLED WITH QUITTING ADDERALL and I remember around year 3 how I had forgotten about it.  It wasn't an issue anymore because my brain had healed.  I had retrained myself to function without it and I was no longer feeling like a slave to it.  I was FREE!!!  So I know right now the best thing I can do with my kratom addiction and the tumultuous feelings that go hand in hand with quitting is to give it time and eventually I won't even remember the euphoria and what it felt like to be hooked on it.

What's crazy to me right now is that I get on here and I'm reading all of your posts about trying to quit adderall and yes even though I did take a few here and there while drinking I never got trapped back in that cycle completely.  My brain has been rewired to function without it and I am free today.  I no longer feel like I did back when I first quit dreaming and dying inside wishing I had adderall.  For me the thing that helps me the most is cardio exercise. I am a long distance runner and triathlete.  I definitely have ADD though!  My thoughts race about a good 90-100 mph at any given moment so the intense cardio regimen helps burn all that energy out in a positive way.  I think it's the ADD that has caused my addictions to anything and everything.  I get hyper focused on stuff I enjoy and will burn it to the ground and then I'm off to the next endeavor.  Put any type of alcohol or drug in front of me and that's what ends up happening with all that.  This struggle of knowing how to fix myself took years and years, but I know my only cure is total abstinence from all alcohol/drugs.  2.5 years ago I was just down in the dumps about my life and decided I missed partying and thought it would be fun to resume drinking.  THAT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE.  Take it from me and keep trucking on in your recovery. ;) 

So anyhow, here I am again and my message today is to give you HOPE!  This addiction you have to adderall will END when you stop ingesting it and retrain your brain to function without it.  The hard part is the time in between getting to that point, but whatever you do, don't ever give up trying to quit!!!  Whenever you feel like you want to use, TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT.  You will cut your problem in half the moment you tell someone else (but tell someone in recovery!).  This is what I didn't do when I relapsed.  I went to Denver all by myself to see if I wanted to move there (there was this cool sober group called The Phoenix) and I got discouraged, but kept all my thoughts bottled up.  Of course the addictive voice grew and grew and on my last day leaving Denver I said, "F-IT" and ordered a beer at the airport bar.  From that point up until 5.5 months ago when I did a 360 on the highway, slammed into a highway wall, and got hit by a semi-truck my addictions were back and I was spiraling out of control!!  I should be dead right now, but here I am and I am so grateful I have a second chance at life.  

These past 5.5 months have been ROUGH.  But I am finally completely sober again and feeling like my old self.  I read something really awesome this morning (see below) from another site I'm on and wanted to share with you all.  AF = alcohol free, but we can just change that to adderall free. ;)  Have a blessed day and no matter where you're at in your quit, keep moving forward.  It will get better!!  It only gets worse if you go backwards. :)

I see a lot of people here who talk about another Day 1 or the shame and disappointment in that fact that they drank (OR TOOK ADDERALL) last night or over the weekend.  That was me!  I was there many times and felt many of those same feelings.  If you are coming here and you are posting on this site and reading the book and listening to AF podcasts, all of those things are strengthening your AF muscles and you are going to get there.  We did not learn how to ride a bike or learn to play an instrument in a day.  We fell off our bike and got frustrated with ourselves for messing up again but we kept at it.  None of us are experts in quitting drinking so we have to practice and stay positive and most importantly forgive ourselves.  The path to freedom from alcohol has many pitfalls and booby traps along the way, this time of year especially.  If we stumble off the path when we encounter one of these things along the way, that is OK.  The most important thing that we can do is forgive ourselves and get right back on the path. 

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@LILTEX41 what a great post. Needed to hear this today! Thanks so much for sharing your story!
 

You’re absolutely right it only gets worse if we go backwards. I need to type that up and put it all around my house.
 

I’m glad you are feeling better! 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I forgot to mention my success story to getting sober again!!  So I did end up going back and completing an outpatient program.  I finished that up a little over two months ago.  Then I ran the Columbus Marathon and qualified for the Boston Marathon.  I ran a 3:28 and I get to run the Boston Marathon in 2021.  I'm pretty excited about that. :) 

 

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Zajche said:

How long were you taking adderall for initially 9 years ago

I took it everyday for 6 years straight.  I started out with 10mgs per day and ended with a 40mg per day script.  My routine is that I would run out of my pills by the 4th week, sleep for 4 days straight and my life would be a mess that week. Then I'd get my new script, stay up for 2 days straight cleaning like crazy, and then just go back into my adderall induced OCD behaviors of tackling new projects or whatever for 3 weeks straight again.  Well all that plus binge drinking at night to come down, etc. 

How about you?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
58 minutes ago, DelaneyJuliette said:

So glad to have this site!!

So glad you are here! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/9/2019 at 6:22 AM, LILTEX41 said:

Then I'd get my new script, stay up for 2 days straight cleaning like crazy, and then just go back into my adderall induced OCD behaviors of tackling new projects or whatever for 3 weeks straight again.  Well all that plus binge drinking at night to come down, etc. 

 

Ha!  I had read your post before but this line didn't sink in before.  I love "adderall induced OCD behaviors" -- that is EXACTLY what I did.  I thought I was just "getting stuff done" but I didn't realize that I was taking on stuff I never would have taken on off of the adderall!

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now