DelaneyJuliette Posted December 11, 2019 Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 OMG i am SO overwhelmed. Today is Day 3 and I just want to cry. I am starting to see just how insanely unrealistic my expectations of myself are off Adderall, but I still don't really know what to do about it. I own my own business, work full time and am a mom of 4. I know I need to cut myself some slack but my anxiety is through the roof. I keep reminding myself that I am not superwoman (everyone calls me that, lol, and I've always had a crazy amount of energy even off Adderall.) 3 days off everything fully (and weeks/months of trying to taper only to unsuccessfully binge again) I finally am willing to see how Adderall has actually made things harder for me even though it has FELT like it made things easier. I only know 2 modes on Adderall - 150% full force, or off. That is not realistic. It is what keeps me trapped. When amped up, I over-commit, then when down, I feel the need to just turn everything off and sleep. What self-care? This has to stop and it is. BUT, little things overwhelm me SO MUCH and without the Adderall to move past the feelings quickly, I get stuck in my OCDish traits. For example, I can't even figure out how to best follow this forum! (i know there is no "best" but it overwhelms me.) Do I start a new post each time I want to say something? Do I randomly post on other people's things I've been reading? Do I keep posting on this forum so that I can keep track of the conversation? Wow, I sound like I am on Adderall right now trying to "get it all right" but really this is just anxiety and I also know that it doesn't matter at all. There is just so much to do and not enough time! UGH! Okay, breathe. I can do this. One thing at a time. Breathe. There is no way I can possibly do all the things I feel like I need to do today, and that is okay. I will be cleaning up "adderall messes" for awhile and that's okay. (Meaning, things I started and couldn't finish; things I bought and never took back, etc.) It's okay, breathe. Thanks everyone just for being here. It helps SO MUCH to know that I'm not alone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuLamb Posted December 11, 2019 Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 1 hour ago, DelaneyJuliette said: OMG i am SO overwhelmed. Today is Day 3 and I just want to cry. You are definitely not alone, DelaneyJ!!!! And it makes perfect sense that you feel overwhelmed. If you want to cry, then definitely cry. Let it out!!! If your only goal is to get through today or this one hour without Adderall, that's huge. Expectations are a great recipe for disappointment, but if we can at least realize what our expectations ARE, they can help us set goals that we have some control over. You are doing this. You are in the middle of Day 3!!! Just keep swimming. We are all rooting for you. Who in your life knows that you have quit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted December 11, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 10 minutes ago, LuLamb said: You are definitely not alone, DelaneyJ!!!! And it makes perfect sense that you feel overwhelmed. If you want to cry, then definitely cry. Let it out!!! If your only goal is to get through today or this one hour without Adderall, that's huge. Expectations are a great recipe for disappointment, but if we can at least realize what our expectations ARE, they can help us set goals that we have some control over. You are doing this. You are in the middle of Day 3!!! Just keep swimming. We are all rooting for you. Who in your life knows that you have quit? My therapist and my husband. I have a friend who knows I'm getting off meds, but not all the specifics. I have another friend I could tell and maybe should... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted December 11, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 One problem is that I am having a really hard time knowing what to prioritize b/c it feels like everything is urgent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuLamb Posted December 11, 2019 Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 What's IMPORTANT to YOU? Maybe the only important thing for today is staying off Adderall. Whatever helps you do that...lots of things may FEEL URGENT, but rationally, you probably know that's not true. But it's ok and makes sense that you feel that way. Say NO to everything you possibly can unless or until you can choose to say YES only to what is important to you and your recovery. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuLamb Posted December 11, 2019 Report Share Posted December 11, 2019 Ask those people who know you've quit for what you need that will help you stay clean. Risk feeling that your life will fall apart if you do what YOU need to do to stay clean. Just for today. Adderall leads us to believe so many falsehoods regarding what is important, necessary. I think our best selves can ultimately emerge from a kind of "giving up"... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted December 13, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2019 I said no do doing a phone session with a client today! (It was even asked as a favor by a friend/colleague.) That was a big deal. I felt all the feels... financial insecurity, guilt, etc. etc. And had like an hour and a half of self-talk back and forth after she asked me, lol, but ultimately stuck to my guns. I'm proud of myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julia Guillen Posted December 26, 2019 Report Share Posted December 26, 2019 On 12/11/2019 at 9:31 PM, DelaneyJuliette said: OMG i am SO overwhelmed. Today is Day 3 and I just want to cry. I am starting to see just how insanely unrealistic my expectations of myself are off Adderall, but I still don't really know what to do about it. I own my own business, work full time and am a mom of 4. I know I need to cut myself some slack but my anxiety is through the roof. I keep reminding myself that I am not superwoman (everyone calls me that, lol, and I've always had a crazy amount of energy even off Adderall.) 3 days off everything fully (and weeks/months of trying to taper only to unsuccessfully binge again) I finally am willing to see how Adderall has actually made things harder for me even though it has FELT like it made things easier. I only know 2 modes on Adderall - 150% full force, or off. That is not realistic. It is what keeps me trapped. When amped up, I over-commit, then when down, I feel the need to just turn everything off and sleep. What self-care? This has to stop and it is. BUT, little things overwhelm me SO MUCH and without the Adderall to move past the feelings quickly, I get stuck in my OCDish traits. For example, I can't even figure out how to best follow this forum! (i know there is no "best" but it overwhelms me.) Do I start a new post each time I want to say something? Do I randomly post on other people's things I've been reading? Do I keep posting on this forum so that I can keep track of the conversation? Wow, I sound like I am on Adderall right now trying to "get it all right" but really this is just anxiety and I also know that it doesn't matter at all. There is just so much to do and not enough time! UGH! Okay, breathe. I can do this. One thing at a time. Breathe. There is no way I can possibly do all the things I feel like I need to do today, and that is okay. I will be cleaning up "adderall messes" for awhile and that's okay. (Meaning, things I started and couldn't finish; things I bought and never took back, etc.) It's okay, breathe. Thanks everyone just for being here. It helps SO MUCH to know that I'm not alone. Why don't you hire cleaning professionals from https://www.mexcandoit.com/ So you can focus on your business and personal life? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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