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dolssa

7 weeks clean- so bored

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Hi all-

I have tried to quit a handful of times before but it has never stuck. I am now 7 weeks clean my longest to date and I am actually feeling hopeful this time. The depression sucks, but from reading all your posts I know this is normal. I cancel all the plans I make and just hibernate in my room watching netflix and reading. I am beyond bored but do not have any energy to do anything. I have read 6 books. SIX in these last 7 weeks. I am starting to fear that I will never be able to have a social life again without adderall :( I dont even know who that person is. Its like learning everything from scratch like a toddler again. Im supposed to go to my friends birthday dinner tonight, but i am having major anxiety about it and feel triggered into just taking 10 mg to get through the dinner and be able to get ready and feel social. but I am dong so good that I just want to hibernate and cancel AGAIN i just feel bad for missing her birthday. Any success stories about having an actual social life again after quitting? how long should i wait before trying anti depressents for this fog? anyway thank you hope you all well 

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hi @dolssa

welcome to the forums! first of all, huge props on 7 weeks. you've definitely got some important milestones behind you, so keep up the great work!!! 

social anxiety is one of the hardest things to deal with because it's the only external, visible sign of your struggle. especially if friends don't know about your abuse and recovery, it just seems like (to them) you're intentionally distancing yourself. i was never a social butterfly to begin with, but i can say that i have a healthy social life now. you will feel like socializing again, but it will take some time.

here's a thought: the most challenging social encounters are those where the primary activity is just talking (like dinner, going to a bar, etc.). if you're concerned about losing those relationships while struggling with recovery,why don't you invite your friend(s) to something that's more of an activity? could even just be the movies or something! it will minimize the painful part of those encounters, but count as being social. just a thought (:

gl and keep posting!

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@sleepystupid   Thank you for your response! I took your advice and reached out to a friend to go to the movies soon. Probably much easier than going to a busy birthday dinner with people I dont know. Thankfully my friend whos birthday it was knows I am trying to stay sober so she understood! Very thankful for this forum because other wise I probably would have just said fuck it tonight. 

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Maybe the next time a birthday or event comes up you just let them know ahead of time that you have social anxiety. So if your awkward or roll out early they won't be offended. But I'd still try to make these events because it gets harder the more you isolate.  I still have events I want to avoid, especially with people I don't know well but the more I attend these things the better I cope.  And almost ALWAYS, I leave saying that was fun, not nearly as terrifying as I expected.

You mention the possibility of getting triggered into popping 10mg to get through... that makes it sound like you still have some lying around or easy access to some?  I'd flush that shit and/or cut off the access to it.  If you want to be done with adderall, You've gotta draw a line in the sand and know thats not an option anymore.

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@Tom23Jones  I want to try to go anyway it is just hard because on adderall it was so much easier for me to socialize and I feel like im still in the beginning stages of learning how to not be on it that the thought of socializing without it is honestly terrifying. I don't have any lying around and I cut off my doctor however my roommate is still percribed and I live in LA it is not hard to find a few. I know it is not an option for me anymore, i just miss being confident in social settings and this sudden social anxiety is taking over my life. I know time will help alot and I will try hard to push myself out there anyway. There is a christmas party tonight and I am going to try and go for at least one hour! 

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