Lizzyc

People in long term recovery- need advice

7 posts in this topic

Hi - I’m really in need of motivation from those who have been in long term sobriety from stimulant addiction. I had a year clean in 2017 after being in long term residential treatment. But since relapsing in 2018, I’ve really struggled getting back on track. I got 2 months clean this past fall, and then started thinking maybe I could take half a pill. Relapsed again, had to leave my sober living, and then here we go again.

I’ve been to treatment a few times, also used to be very active in 12 step meetings, therapy, but can’t figure out why I want the drug so bad- even when my career and personal life have been on the line for years. Things got better during the year I had in sobriety, but I still had thoughts of being able to take it again successfully “one day.”  
 

I’m in the medical profession and have had thoughts of just leaving my profession, so I don’t “have” to remain abstinent. But I know deep down that’s crazy, and I really want a chance at freedom. I’ve had consequences, etc. I don’t know why it’s such a struggle for me. Anyone in long term sobriety, please...any advice or suggestions would help so much. Thank you!

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16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

Hi - I’m really in need of motivation from those who have been in long term sobriety from stimulant addiction. I had a year clean in 2017 after being in long term residential treatment. But since relapsing in 2018, I’ve really struggled getting back on track. I got 2 months clean this past fall, and then started thinking maybe I could take half a pill. Relapsed again, had to leave my sober living, and then here we go again.

I identify with so many parts of your post, @Lizzyc. Sounds like this^^ is a great opportunity to go back and work step one: we admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable! what that means for me is that I can't pick up the first one. if you don't pick up, you can't get high.

 

16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

I’ve been to treatment a few times, also used to be very active in 12 step meetings, therapy, but can’t figure out why I want the drug so bad- even when my career and personal life have been on the line for years. 

Speaking for myself: i want the drug even when my life is infinitely better when i'm sober because i'm an addict. it's just that simple! and when i'm not fully in the program, those cravings are pretty horrible. my suggestion would be to get out of your head. that's the only way I can escape myself and my cravings. whether this means spending time with friends, family, or going to a meeting -- not isolating is key.

16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

Things got better during the year I had in sobriety, but I still had thoughts of being able to take it again successfully “one day.”  

Sounds like a reservation to me, which in my experience arises when I haven't worked a thorough first step. if I don't concede that I am truly powerless, I get wrapped up in the illusion that I can use successfully. 

16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

I’m in the medical profession and have had thoughts of just leaving my profession, so I don’t “have” to remain abstinent. But I know deep down that’s crazy, and I really want a chance at freedom. I’ve had consequences, etc. I don’t know why it’s such a struggle for me. Anyone in long term sobriety, please...any advice or suggestions would help so much. Thank you!

I'm in the medical profession too. If you continue to use, it is inevitable that you will lose everything you've worked so hard for. please don't beat yourself up for feeling these feelings or having these thoughts. adderall is powerful and addiction even more so. just reread that sentence again and again. you want to choose drugs over your life. you don't have to make any major decisions about your career, relationships, or life today -- just don't use a day at a time.

 

I don't have long-term sobriety currently, but I have before. I relapsed and it was a fucking horror show. I'm here if you ever want to talk!

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Thank you so much. Your message is very helpful. I’d definitely like to talk more. I need the support right now. Thank you!

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Here is my two cents, from someone almost nine years clean.

I quit because Adderall quit working for me and it started working against me.  I realized the addiction had become unsustainable.  The side effects were causing numerous health concerns.  I was tired of making Adderall procurement my top priority in life.  I knew I would lose my job if I continued to use Adderall, (for reason number 1) and I simply couldn't afford to take that risk.  I used it for nine years and I was ready to be DONE with that phase of my life.  I treated quitting like the death of a relative or dear friend.  That part of my life was over.  Period.  And from my experiences of trying to kick a lifetime cigarette habit, I knew that total abstinence was the ONLY way to get that monkey off my back.  So I quit Adderall and cigarettes on June 3, 2011 and I haven't looked back.  

 

What are your reasons for quitting, @Lizzyc?  How do you plan to make your quit stick?

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hi @Lizzyc

i think the struggle many people have with relapse is that they still view Adderall as a "medication" or a "tool" for improvement. what has worked for me during recovery is coming to terms with the fact that Adderall is just fucking speed. i took it because i liked getting high

in my 4 years clean, i did relapse briefly, but even then i had no belief that i could start back up on it, be able to control it this time, fix my life, etc etc. i knew i was relapsing cause i was bored and i wanted to get high. 

so ask yourself: do i want to go back to being a speed junkie

another question that helped me a lot: do i plan on taking this for the rest of my life?  if the answer is no, then at some point in the future you will need to quit and it will be that much harder to do with another few years of use.

 

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@Lizzyc I am currently en route to rehab ready to rip my skin off! Please fight this disease with all your strength! It aint worth it. 

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I hate this drug. Everyone is right on this thread. Just keep fighting every day. Even if the only thing we accomplish is staying adderall. 
This is not an easy battle. Almost at a yr clean now (for the second time .)  I’ve been a yr clean before and caved as well @Lizzyc understand.
 

trying to push through this last turning point and never look back. I have to beat it this time. It’s not medicine and it is just f—ingspeed. Think that is the best advice. @sleepystupid
 

 

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