DelaneyJuliette Posted January 23, 2020 Report Share Posted January 23, 2020 Okay so I know it's only Day 6 for me (I keep feeling like I need to explain for those who don't know that I had 27 days, then 3 day lapse, then 2 weeks, then 4 day lapse.) Not needing to explain in order to "qualify" my clean time, but rather b/c to clarify that this Day 6 feels a world different than the first Day 6. The first Day 6 was still AWFUL. This time I am much much much better, but I think b/c of that I am still being a bit too hard on myself. Here's my dilemma -- I own my own business and so I have work I have to do outside of "work hours." (Granted, I am now seeing that I probably need to find a way to schedule that work INTO work hours in the future, but that's not right now.) Anyway, I have never been good at doing things at night b/c I get really tired so I just go to bed. (I used to be able to "get it done" with Adderall though... except of course when that resulted in me staying up all night and still not finishing it, lol.) So for example, I absolutely HAVE to write this letter for a client. It will probably take about an hour. I couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday. I couldn't get started. So I got a babysitter and made plans to do it last night. I was too tired. (Or at least I told myself I was.) I came home early and went to bed at like 9pm and got up at 4:30am in order to do it. (Which has worked in the past.) Well, fast forward to 7:08am and I still haven't started and now it's time to get the kids up and everyone off to school before my first appointment at 8:30am. And I am booked back to back until 8:15pm. UGH. I think this is just part of a larger ADD issue I really do have, but it feels exacerbated off the meds. I'm not going to take meds to deal with it, but I just wanted to share my frustration. B/c the procrastinating is making me more anxious and filled with dread (and honestly I am procrastinating b/c I am scared of it and I don't exactly know how to do the letter or what I am supposed to say so it feels really overwhelming...) Okay... well I'm going to give up on it for right now and aim to do it tonight at 8:15. And if that is just not realistic, than I will again go to bed early and wake up early in the morning again tomorrow to do it. I have to have it in tomorrow afternoon. But it's okay. One thing at a time. I can do this. Breathe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m34 Posted January 23, 2020 Report Share Posted January 23, 2020 I have the same issue. Part of my complete struggle this yr. day by day it will get a little easier. Some days I get a lot done. More done than on adderall. Some days (like to day for me actually) I have to force myself to complete each task. It’s strange. It’s part of recovery though and completely normal. Sometimes I’ll do the 54321 method and just start. Not sure if you have heard of her (Mel Robbins) great person to listen to in recovery! Hope your day got better. I’m also stalling right now lol. I completely understand! @DelaneyJuliette 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted January 28, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2020 Thank you for that @m34, it so so so so helps knowing that other people are going through the same thing. How do you listen to Mel Robbins - is there a link? I think that's probably a silly question but I haven't heard of her and I don't really know how to listen to podcasts LOL. I am only 37 but it is one of the technology things that overwhelms me! I do have spotify so maybe through that... anyway, i still haven't started the letter from Thursday. Lol, I will be accountable about it on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m34 Posted January 29, 2020 Report Share Posted January 29, 2020 here is a link! If you search her name on YouTube you can find a ton more. @DelaneyJuliette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted January 29, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2020 9 hours ago, m34 said: here is a link! If you search her name on YouTube you can find a ton more. @DelaneyJuliette Wanna know something funny? I actually have this book. Of course I have never picked it up, but I ordered it once in one of my anxiety frenzies of trying to "do all the things" and "get all the things in order." OMG i am so overwhelmed right now. I have been up since 4am with my mind racing with anxiety. That's almost 3 hours. I got up so I wouldn't keep laying there spinning thinking that I would get things done and I haven't gotten anything done and it's about to be time to get my kids ready for school. I started watching this video and then I can't decide if THAT is the best use of my time. Will this stop?! I know it will and it can. Breathe. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m34 Posted January 31, 2020 Report Share Posted January 31, 2020 How are you today? It’s such a process. I wish I had a magic formula, but the beginning is just hard as hell. I could barely function. It was so bad. Give yourself some credit because you are still alive and clean. Some days that just needs to be enough. Even if you got nothing done. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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