Adderall OG

Story of hope!

14 posts in this topic

Hi all! I have been adderall free for 10 years now, after a severe 15 YEAR addiction. I was among the first gen adderall users- being prescribed when I was 15 back when adderall first came on the market. I had been diagnosed with ADD when no one really even knew what that was. My mom took me from doctor to doctor and I just went along with whatever they told me to do, so when they said “take this pill”, I obeyed, even though I really didn’t want to be taking a medication every day of my life. But soon enough I started to experience the benefits of adderall we are all too familiar with- improved grades, weight loss, and just overall feeling of well being. And so my love/hate relationship with Adderall began and would continue until I finally kicked it for good at the age of 30. The years in between consisted of highs and lows- mostly comprised of binges after I got my Rx filled followed by crashes after I inevitably ran out early. I would spend days on little sleep and then crash for days after the meds ran out, unable to get out of bed without my little helper. It became a prison and I really felt scared for my life. I made a few attempts to get off it over the years, but the withdrawal was so awful that I truly believed that was what my life was going to be like without adderall. I had been on it for so long, I didn’t truly believe i could function normally without it. I barely told anyone my secret and lived way too long like this. Finally when my husband and I decided we wanted to start trying for a baby, I knew I had to quit. Not only for a healthy pregnancy but also because I knew I could not be a good mother living with this monkey on my back. So I got off it. A few months later I got pregnant. The combination of the pregnancy and withdrawals was incredibly difficult. That year is a blur. I just went through the motions and slept a LOT, overwhelmed by the exhaustion of pregnancy coupled with withdrawal. When my daughter was born, i was beginning to come out of my fog. I just kept doing what I had to do, and slowly it got easier. I would say after another year, I really turned a corner and was not only surviving but thriving. All those things I had truly believed I couldn’t do without Adderall, and I mean down to even the simplest of tasks- I was doing and doing well. Now I am 40, with 3 children and I am a person I never thought I could be without that damn drug. I recently started therapy for a bunch of different reasons. In my sessions I’ve been talking a lot about my 15 year addiction to adderall, which believe it or not I never really explored before now. Back when I was addicted and finally got off of it, there was not as much information out there about it so I just kind of struggled alone. But now, today, I am realizing the immense impact this has had on my life. Do I wish I never have had been prescribed adderall? Yes I do. I would have loved to blossom and evolve naturally and not have my teens and 20’s been so overshadowed by the medicated state I was always in. But it is what it is. I still turned out well and today have a life that I love. But since I have been revisiting this time in my life, and actually researching adderall addiction and truly realizing what a huge thing it actually is, I feel compelled to tell my story here. For those of you who are still in its grips, or struggling with withdrawal and wondering if it will ever get better. I’m here to tell you IT DOES. I don’t think anyone could have been more addicted or dependent on adderall than I was. And I’ve come out the other side. Thank GOD. Please feel free to contact me if you need encouragement or are scared. I know it’s scary. And it’s hard. But you can do it and it will be better than you imagined! 

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@Adderall OG Wow, that was amazing to read and congratulations on your recovery.  Thank you so much for posting that!!! I'm on day 15 (and happy about it) and so glad that I just read your story.  For the last half decade all I did was live life from pill to pill and refill to refill without looking far ahead and believing that I have no future after this med.  I know from the stories on here that one day it will be good but its refreshing to see another new person's story and to hear them thrive later on down the road in recovery, especially after you used it for such a long time.  

Good luck on everything and thank you for posting that very encouraging story!!! 

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@eric thank you for your comment- I am so glad my experience gives you hope! Oh my gosh- living pill to pill and refill to refill- that was my existence for so.damn.long. Inconsistency was the hallmark of my life back then- at home, at work, and socially. When I was medicated I would over perform and once the meds ran out I could barely even do the bare minimum. Good job on making it to day 15- keep it UP! The farther you get from your last pill, the closer you get to full recovery! Be gentle on yourself during this process. It can be frustrating. After 15 years on it, my withdrawal symptoms were severe. I was depressed, anxious and unbelievably exhausted for months. I can still remember the day I noticed i was starting to feel better- I had the energy to go outside and do some gardening, which was completely unremarkable on the outside but for me it symbolized that I was finally feeling capable of accomplishing something without the aid of Adderall. It was small but meaningful for me. Now I am very productive and organized without giving it a second thought. Best of luck with everything!

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thanks for sharing this! I am so so close to relapsing today, needed this. Congrats on your recovery x

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@dolssa Stay strong! Honestly if someone put a pile of pills in front of me today, i would not even be tempted to take one because I know where that road leads. Even though it took a while to get here- I’m so grateful i gave myself the chance to! You deserve the same!

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keep it up dolssa, we're all rooting for you!  look after yourself by removing any "backdoor options" your inner addict can use against you when you're feeling weak.

if you have any bridges at all, burn them while you're feeling strong!

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@Adderall OG

Girl, we quit together at the same time!  My quit date is Nov. 12th, 2010.  I have been off of it since then with a few slips here in the past two years when drinking.  I loved reading your post.  You are providing so much hope to others.  It feels so incredible to have someone I can relate to like this!  Plus, last night I was struggling a lot and reading this helped me so much.  I am a little over 7 months sober now, but within the 7 months that I quit drinking and drugs, I started this insane drug called Kratom because it was legal and I thought it wasn't that bad since I could buy it in a store.  It ended up being VERY similar to adderall and I quit it - get this on Nov. 10th, 2019.  I've been clean for only 86 days.  I was only on it for a little over 4 months straight, but long enough that it screwed me up like adderall.  Anyhow, coming off of it has been similar and tough.  

Your post helped me with this battle.  I was having major cravings for it yesterday.  I know I just need to stay off it and I'll forget about it eventually.  Thank you so much for sharing your story!

Much love!

LT

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@LILTEX41 thank you so much for your kind reply to my post! It feels so great to know my story has helped even one person. I can’t believe it never occurred to me until now to share my experience with others who are struggling with Adderall addiction. As you probably remember, back in 2010 when we kicked our habit, so little information was out there about this! I didn’t know if what i was going through was normal, abnormal or even if it would ever end. I just knew I couldn’t keep going on like I had been. I was so sick of worrying about how the future was going to play out- I knew I couldn’t continue like that but i also couldn’t imagine a life where I could be successful without Adderall. Now that I’ve overcome that, i have so much more confidence in my ability to do hard things. Before getting off adderall, I could never truly own any of my accomplishments because deep down I believed they were only due to the drug. Earlier this year I chose to give up drinking too. I just decided it was not serving me any more. It’s been hard, as you know, but not nearly as hard as getting off adderall. Kicking that habit has given me more faith in myself that I can do this too. But all these realizations took years to take hold- for a long time I just took it day by day and built myself up little by little. Which I’m still doing. Maybe that’s what we are all doing. But when you’re in the thick of withdrawal, it’s hard to believe it will pass. But it does. Feels so good to be on the other side of it! If I was able to do it, I truly believe anyone can!

 

Much love!

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Wow, when did you quit drinking?! We have so much in common! I turned 40 on May 10th 2019. Did you just now come across this site??  The reason I quit adderall was because I found this site 10 years ago! I was the first person to comment!! It's like my special home.  And yes we were far and few between back then! Nobody could really understand, but now it's rampant everywhere.  I quit drinking on June 25th this year btw.  If you tell me that's when you quit or around that time I'm gonna freak out! 

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Ha! You have a few more months of sobriety under your belt than I do. I cut way back at the beginning of the summer, and then decided to be completely done after a bad night in November. Maybe it has to do with being 40 and just getting to a point in my life where I’m shedding things that are holding me back. Do you feel like that? Anyway, once I made that decision I also decided to start therapy to sort out some things that I’ve been avoiding for years. It was in therapy that I’ve really started to explore how traumatic my years of adderall abuse/addiction were, and talking about it has been so cathartic. I began researching adderall abuse online, which led me to this website. It is always so emotional to read about or hear of someone else struggling with this addiction and brings me right back to there, only now I’m able to look at it from the other side. Glad to have found this community :-)

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Wow thanks for the story, how long did you suffer from depression/anhedonia after you quit if at all

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Well it’s kind of hard to say because every withdrawal symptom I experienced was secondary to the extreme, overwhelming EXHAUSTION I felt in that first year. Although I know that was a direct result of the physical withdrawal from 15 years of adderall abuse, exhaustion is also a symptom of depression so I am sure that was also part of it. But during my waking hours, I was still able to engage with people and feel happiness, especially as the months went on. It wasn’t easy at times. I gained a ton of weight and felt so insecure on top of everything else. But looking back I am proud of myself for my ability to keep going and sucking it up through the shitty parts. It did get easier and as I started to get some energy back, around the 6 month mark, I started to get my mojo back!

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