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clinx

Relapse after almost 6 years clean

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After I quit adderall almost 6 years ago, I never thought I’d be here typing about a relapse. Crap. 
 

I started 2 months ago and told myself I needed it and wouldn’t abuse it. I started entertaining going back on because I just had a baby and the father has been cheating and leaving me alone to take care of him. Here I am out of my script a week and a half early with no sure intention of quitting. But I’m thinking I should make this break waiting for the next refill a permanent one. 2 months isn’t horrible, and I can still move forward. 
 

but I feel so awful. I’m tired and trying to take care of a newborn feeling like this is rough. I hate myself. I feel fat and lazy and idk why I did this to myself. I was so proud of my sober time. Now look at me....

 

looking for encouragement. I am really feeling low. 
 

And to anyone contemplating a relapse... don’t do it. It is NOT worth it one bit. 

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Cut off your doctor and get rid of your script. Stop now! you know you need to and this path isn't going to lead anywhere good or you wouldn't have wrote this post. You have quit once you can TOTALLY do it again. 2 months is nothing!! match that sober and i bet you will be feeling good as new. You totally got this, just stop before it gets harder.  sending you strength and love

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@clinx Sorry to read about your relapse. I can’t imagine the burden you’re carrying around being the best mom you can be and doing it under such emotional stress. Kudos to you for tackling motherhood, but you don’t need the drugs to be a badass mother. As for the cheater, if that’s the case, cut him and the drugs out for good. You don’t need either of those toxic pieces of shit.
 

Like @dolssa said, cut off your supplier as well. You’ve done it before, and you sure as shit can do it again. Do it for that precious baby and do it for yourself! You’re above being an addict and being cheated on! 

You’ve got this, and we’re all cheering and supporting you here. Find that inner woman and mother and give yourself the new freedom of not being tied to him nor the adderall. You deserve to be free of both! You deserve to be loved and to love yourself. Find the sober you again. Find freedom. Get it, girl! 

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I was honest with my family. Thank you guys. You are so right. It’s now or ever. I sure as hell don’t want to continue this way for ever. I hate this stuff. I hate the withdrawal, but it is temporary. I’m hoping because this was a short binge I can feel somewhat normal pretty soon. This sucks I’m not going to lie. It took me like a year and a half last time to get into the groove of life. It was awful but worth it. I didn’t need drugs to function. I hate feeling like I have to take something to get stuff done 

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@clinx Withdrawal sucks, but being addicted sucks more. You said, “I didn’t need drugs to function.” Tell that to your last line, you don’t have to take anything to function. It’s a manipulative and mental battle, period. Don’t let the drugs win. You can and will win. Best of luck!

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