Civilengr2020 Posted May 7, 2020 Report Share Posted May 7, 2020 Today has not been a good day. After 40 days of quitting Vyvanse I was feeling pretty good until today. The desire to take Vyvanse came back after a tremendous lack of motivation to do work mixed in with depression overcame me. It was triggered by a stressful event at work and I'm afraid I might get back on it this coming Monday since I have a scheduled doctor's appointment (scheduled prior to quitting Vyvanse). Its the first appointment since I quit vyvanse so I really don't know what to tell the doctor. I really don't understand why the sudden changes in my emotions since I was already feeling pretty good. Could this be PAWS? Does it come and go? I feel that I'm not getting anything done at work and feel so unproductive all the time. I do like my line of work but its the busy work portion of my job that is really getting to me. I pray that I am able to tough it out and just get through this without getting back on the pills. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewK15 Posted May 8, 2020 Report Share Posted May 8, 2020 I’m sorry you’re have a rough day, and congrats on 40 days. You may feel unproductive, but it sounds like you’re holding down a job. Are you at risk of getting fired due to poor performance? As long as your getting by I wouldn’t worry too much about that right now. Staying clean has to be your first priority. The motivation issues and sadness/depression could be PAWS. Or you could simply be experiencing real life again. Sometimes you have bad days or weeks, and they do come and go. It sounds like overall you’re doing pretty well, it’s going to be ok if you just stay the course! Cancel the appointment or be honest with your doctor. You decided to quit. Tell your doctor why and ask respectfully that they no longer prescribe you Vyvanse/Adderall. If you keep options open for getting more pills, you’ll probably relapse. It’s not complicated, cut off your supply and don’t look back. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom23Jones Posted May 8, 2020 Report Share Posted May 8, 2020 20 hours ago, Civilengr2020 said: Could this be PAWS? Does it come and go? It definitely comes and goes. Recovery is not a linear process, especially 40 days in. Its going to be a roller coaster for a few months but you'll keep seeing improvements over time. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Civilengr2020 Posted May 8, 2020 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2020 16 hours ago, DrewK15 said: I’m sorry you’re have a rough day, and congrats on 40 days. You may feel unproductive, but it sounds like you’re holding down a job. Are you at risk of getting fired due to poor performance? As long as your getting by I wouldn’t worry too much about that right now. Staying clean has to be your first priority. The motivation issues and sadness/depression could be PAWS. Or you could simply be experiencing real life again. Sometimes you have bad days or weeks, and they do come and go. It sounds like overall you’re doing pretty well, it’s going to be ok if you just stay the course! Cancel the appointment or be honest with your doctor. You decided to quit. Tell your doctor why and ask respectfully that they no longer prescribe you Vyvanse/Adderall. If you keep options open for getting more pills, you’ll probably relapse. It’s not complicated, cut off your supply and don’t look back. Thank you for the response. Yes...I'm currently working as an engineer and project manager and its definitely a challenge keeping up with the demands. I'm not at risk of getting fired but it seems like I have to work two to three times as hard even to just do simple tasks like emails or letters and I just get discouraged not knowing how long this will go on. Tbh I do have good days which is when I get most of my stuff done and I just coast on the other days. I'm scared to tell my doctor the truth but I know its something I have to do. Your responses actually made me feel better...Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Civilengr2020 Posted May 8, 2020 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2020 6 hours ago, Tom23Jones said: It definitely comes and goes. Recovery is not a linear process, especially 40 days in. Its going to be a roller coaster for a few months but you'll keep seeing improvements over time. Thank you for the response.....I feel much better now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post m34 Posted May 9, 2020 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 9, 2020 Hang in there it’s completely normal. I always feel it in waves. The good news is that because it’s in waves you get days and weeks of relief As well. I’m on month 16 clean and having a rough couple of days. I think what gets easier is just learning to go through it. You start trusting that this feeling will end and you will get a little relief (even if it’s brief) it will be enough to keep you going. The first yr is the hardest. Just keep going at all costs because you don’t want to go backwards. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepyStupid Posted May 11, 2020 Report Share Posted May 11, 2020 On 5/7/2020 at 1:21 PM, Civilengr2020 said: The desire to take Vyvanse came back after a tremendous lack of motivation to do work mixed in with depression overcame me. It was triggered by a stressful event at work and I'm afraid I might get back on it this coming Monday since I have a scheduled doctor's appointment (scheduled prior to quitting Vyvanse). so ask yourself - is your career or life ever going to become less stressful in the future? i'm guessing the answer to that is no. it's quite simple - there will never be an "easier" point at which to quit Adderall than NOW while you have over a month sober! (: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m34 Posted May 12, 2020 Report Share Posted May 12, 2020 It only gets harder and harder to quit. Especially, since stims make us believe we can take on the world. In my job everyone I work with is on stims. we just hired two new people this week (both on stims!). Half the activity everyone is doing is non- productive. I think that’s why I’ve kept my job in hindsight. I’ve been able to help manage and to help prioritize activities. I wasted 10 yrs being so called “productive”. Now I’m more productive on things that do matter. I do the work that actually needs to be done and stay out of fairytale land of 20 projects at once. (Although, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that invincible feeling). I also have communicated my needs better. Adderall made me a yes person. Now I can put up better boundaries. Sorry for the ramble hope that helps 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subtracterall Posted May 13, 2020 Report Share Posted May 13, 2020 19 hours ago, m34 said: It only gets harder and harder to quit. Especially, since stims make us believe we can take on the world. In my job everyone I work with is on stims. we just hired two new people this week (both on stims!). Half the activity everyone is doing is non- productive. I think that’s why I’ve kept my job in hindsight. I’ve been able to help manage and to help prioritize activities. I wasted 10 yrs being so called “productive”. Now I’m more productive on things that do matter. I do the work that actually needs to be done and stay out of fairytale land of 20 projects at once. (Although, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that invincible feeling). I also have communicated my needs better. Adderall made me a yes person. Now I can put up better boundaries. Sorry for the ramble hope that helps Im curious, How do you know the people Recently hired are on stimulants? It seems like that would be a reason to not hire them. Is being on adderall at work and everyone knowing about it ok at your job? I always thought if people found out I was in adderall it would affect my reputation at work negatively. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m34 Posted June 12, 2020 Report Share Posted June 12, 2020 @Subtracterall sorry I just saw your response I found out because they told me privately. Not sure if they’ve openly talked with everyone, but it gets brought up a lot when working one on one. It’s just crazy because everyone I work with is on it. I’ve also talked about how I no longer take meds and my sobriety. That’s made people open up to me more about it. Long work hours and lots of networking in sales. Attracts a lot of stim users. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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