Civilengr2020

40 days clean and got first real urge to get back on Vyvanse

10 posts in this topic

Today has not been a good day.  After 40 days of quitting Vyvanse I was feeling pretty good until today.  The desire to take Vyvanse came back after a tremendous lack of motivation to do work mixed in with depression overcame me.  It was triggered by a stressful event at work and I'm afraid I might get back on it this coming Monday since I have a scheduled doctor's appointment (scheduled prior to quitting Vyvanse).  Its the first appointment since I quit vyvanse so I really don't know what to tell the doctor. I really don't understand why the sudden changes in my emotions since I was already feeling pretty good. Could this be PAWS?  Does it come and go?   I feel that I'm not getting anything done at work and feel so unproductive all the time.  I do like my line of work but its the busy work portion of my job that is really getting to me.  I pray that I am able to tough it out and just get through this without getting back on the pills.  

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m sorry you’re have a rough day, and congrats on 40 days. You may feel unproductive, but it sounds like you’re holding down a job. Are you at risk of getting fired due to poor performance? As long as your getting by I wouldn’t worry too much about that right now. Staying clean has to be your first priority. The motivation issues and sadness/depression could be PAWS. Or you could simply be experiencing real life again. Sometimes you have bad days or weeks, and they do come and go. It sounds like overall you’re doing pretty well, it’s going to be ok if you just stay the course! 
 

Cancel the appointment or be honest with your doctor. You decided to quit. Tell your doctor why and ask respectfully that they no longer prescribe you Vyvanse/Adderall. If you keep options open for getting more pills, you’ll probably relapse. It’s not complicated, cut off your supply and don’t look back. 

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Civilengr2020 said:

Could this be PAWS?  Does it come and go?

It definitely comes and goes.  Recovery is not a linear process, especially 40 days in.  Its going to be a roller coaster for a few months but you'll keep seeing improvements over time.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, DrewK15 said:

I’m sorry you’re have a rough day, and congrats on 40 days. You may feel unproductive, but it sounds like you’re holding down a job. Are you at risk of getting fired due to poor performance? As long as your getting by I wouldn’t worry too much about that right now. Staying clean has to be your first priority. The motivation issues and sadness/depression could be PAWS. Or you could simply be experiencing real life again. Sometimes you have bad days or weeks, and they do come and go. It sounds like overall you’re doing pretty well, it’s going to be ok if you just stay the course! 
 

Cancel the appointment or be honest with your doctor. You decided to quit. Tell your doctor why and ask respectfully that they no longer prescribe you Vyvanse/Adderall. If you keep options open for getting more pills, you’ll probably relapse. It’s not complicated, cut off your supply and don’t look back. 

Thank you for the response.  Yes...I'm currently working as an engineer and project manager and its definitely a challenge keeping up with the demands.  I'm not at risk of getting fired but it seems like I have to work two to three times as hard even to just do simple tasks like emails or letters and I just get discouraged not knowing how long this will go on.  Tbh I do have good days which is when I get most of my stuff done and I just coast on the other days.  I'm scared to tell my doctor the truth but I know its something I have to do.  Your responses actually made me feel better...Thank you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Tom23Jones said:

It definitely comes and goes.  Recovery is not a linear process, especially 40 days in.  Its going to be a roller coaster for a few months but you'll keep seeing improvements over time.

Thank you for the response.....I feel much better now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hang in there it’s completely normal. I always feel it in waves. The good news is that because it’s in waves you get days and weeks of relief As well. I’m on month 16 clean and having a rough couple of days. I think what gets easier is just learning to go through it. You start trusting that this feeling will end and you will get a little relief (even if it’s brief) it will be enough to keep you going. The first yr is the hardest. Just keep going at all costs

because you don’t want to go backwards. 

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/7/2020 at 1:21 PM, Civilengr2020 said:

The desire to take Vyvanse came back after a tremendous lack of motivation to do work mixed in with depression overcame me.  It was triggered by a stressful event at work and I'm afraid I might get back on it this coming Monday since I have a scheduled doctor's appointment (scheduled prior to quitting Vyvanse).

so ask yourself - is your career or life ever going to become less stressful in the future? i'm guessing the answer to that is no.

it's quite simple - there will never be an "easier" point at which to quit Adderall than NOW while you have over a month sober! (:

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It only gets harder and harder to quit. Especially, since stims make us believe we can take on the world. In my job everyone I work with is on stims. 
 

we just hired two new people this week (both on stims!). Half the activity everyone is doing is non- productive. I think that’s why I’ve kept my job

in hindsight. 
I’ve been able to help manage and to help prioritize activities.  I wasted 10 yrs being so called “productive”. Now I’m more productive on things that do matter.  I do the work that actually needs to be done and stay out of fairytale land of 20 projects at once. (Although, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that invincible feeling).

I also have communicated my needs better. Adderall made me a yes person.  Now I can put up better boundaries. Sorry for the ramble hope that helps 

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, m34 said:

It only gets harder and harder to quit. Especially, since stims make us believe we can take on the world. In my job everyone I work with is on stims. 
 

we just hired two new people this week (both on stims!). Half the activity everyone is doing is non- productive. I think that’s why I’ve kept my job

in hindsight. 
I’ve been able to help manage and to help prioritize activities.  I wasted 10 yrs being so called “productive”. Now I’m more productive on things that do matter.  I do the work that actually needs to be done and stay out of fairytale land of 20 projects at once. (Although, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that invincible feeling).

I also have communicated my needs better. Adderall made me a yes person.  Now I can put up better boundaries. Sorry for the ramble hope that helps 

Im curious, How do you know the people Recently hired are on stimulants?  It seems like that would be a reason to not hire them.  Is being on adderall at work and everyone knowing about it ok at your job?  I always thought if people found out I was in adderall it would affect my reputation at work negatively. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Subtracterall sorry I just saw your response 

I found out because they told me privately. Not sure if they’ve openly talked with everyone, but it gets brought up a lot when working one on one. It’s just crazy because everyone I work with is on it. I’ve also talked about how I no longer take meds and my sobriety. 

That’s made people open up to me more about it. 
Long work hours and lots of networking in sales.  Attracts a lot of stim users. 
 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now