can't do it

[dolssa]

May 11 was 6 months for me. I have been struggling. I am so so so close to turning back. Life shouldn't be this hard. at 6 MONTHS my post adderall depression is still so prominent that I don't know what else to do. I have days where I feel ok. Like yesterday I felt good, not great.. but good. I made plans with a friend for tomorrow via zoom to catch up, and I told my mom I would come quarantine with her this weekend and help her get food and essentials. now i woke up today with absolutely no energy to follow through on these plans. Its giving me so much anxiety that 10 mg of adderall would cure. Dammit, i know its a bad idea.. but i just dont know if its worse than how i am feeling now. I just know im going to relapse. 6 months and its all for nothing.

[Ready4Change]

2 hours ago, dolssa said:

May 11 was 6 months for me. I have been struggling. I am so so so close to turning back. Life shouldn't be this hard. at 6 MONTHS my post adderall depression is still so prominent that I don't know what else to do. I have days where I feel ok. Like yesterday I felt good, not great.. but good. I made plans with a friend for tomorrow via zoom to catch up, and I told my mom I would come quarantine with her this weekend and help her get food and essentials. now i woke up today with absolutely no energy to follow through on these plans. Its giving me so much anxiety that 10 mg of adderall would cure. Dammit, i know its a bad idea.. but i just dont know if its worse than how i am feeling now. I just know im going to relapse. 6 months and its all for nothing.

I know that you are really struggling but you have to dig deep and fight with everything you have to get through this. Your internal reward system is injured and trying to repair itself. You have suffered so much that you owe it to your future self and your family to get through this. This process will never get easy and if you go back on the Adderall then you will have to start this traumatic process all over again. I have felt the way you feel so many times that I have lost count. WE must not throw in the towel and give up. This pain has to be for something better. Stay strong my friend. You are not alone. 

[dolssa]

@Ready4Change You are so so so right. thank you so much for your response 

[m34]

I feel your pain. It felt impossible to do the smallest things.  Hang in there and take it in baby steps. You can make the zoom call. You can drag yourself to your moms and rest again. 
it just doesn’t “feel” like you can. 6 months is a weird time because you have good days. I’d do the same, plan stuff on my “good” days thinking they were going to last

then when it was time to take action I was back to being depressed. You can keep going it’s just really hard and it’s ok that it’s hard. Just don’t go back if possible. 
 

If you are like me one pill is never enough. A few hours of relief will then into a few days etc. going through this is so hard. Getting to the other side is so worth it 

 

[SleepyStupid]

@dolssa don't give up! you're at such a crucial turning point - like @m34 said, 6 months is in one of those transitional phases where you still have more bad days than good - but you KNOW when you're having a good day. slowly you will have more good days than bad, but that takes time.

honestly what's the alternative? if you feel pressured to take Adderall just to hang out with family and friends, imagine being pressured at work! it's a never ending cycle, and it's not sustainable.

stay strong and keep on keeping on (: