sweetupbaaby

To fill or not to fill

12 posts in this topic

Hey friends,

I feel like I'm really reaching with this topic just to get some support, but this is also a real problem I am having.

A few months ago, my doctor told me he was retiring and that I would no longer see him again. 

Before I left his office he gave me my script and 4 refills and that was the end of it.

I have been clean for 20 or 21 days (too lazy to check date)...before I quit, I had 1 refill left waiting for me to fill. It's been haunting me every day for weeks. This insidious voice is telling me to fill them since it's the last time I will have the chance to do so. it's a 1-month script for 80mg XR daily and It's almost too good to pass up. I tell myself what if I need them down the road? Shouldn't I keep them for emergency purposes only? It's the last fill......but then the logical side of me knows that if I fill my "just-in-case" meds then they will be consumed sooner or later for non-emergency purposes. I feel like filling them just to flush them down the toilet lol. That's also a huge waste of money. Any suggestions????

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Sounds like torture to have that lingering temptation in your mind. I would encourage you to take a step of faith or take an action to eliminate the access. Not sure how to do that but I would find a way to kill it...

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On 5/23/2020 at 5:50 PM, sweetupbaaby said:

I tell myself what if I need them down the road? Shouldn't I keep them for emergency purposes only? It's the last fill......but then the logical side of me knows that if I fill my "just-in-case" meds then they will be consumed sooner or later for non-emergency purposes

i think the better question to ask yourself is what possible emergency would you need them for? IF (big if lol) there truly were such an emergency, wouldn't taking a pill to get through it be an admission that you are incapable of doing it normally?

you need to stop thinking of Adderall as a tool - there is NOTHING you NEED Adderall to do for you!!!

tear that script up and never look back.

 

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Tear them up and never look back. Thank God he retired. Now it will be harder for you to go through the process. Depending on your state you will have to get re tested etc.  Just remember filling that script will only help you in the short term. You will be right back where you started. No judgement here... just total understanding either way. Not sure how I’d handle it either. If I didn’t tear them up and soak those scripts in water I’d prob fill them( lol if it’s an electronic script then idk) . it’s worth it to just keep walking through hell and not go back. you may get sucked into the cycle for another damn yr. Read your posts when you first quit, or if you wrote in a journal read about why you quit in the first place. The anxiety the pains all the bad parts of adderall that made you give it up.  How bad it was in the end of your use. That’s right where you will be again 

I wish to God I went through this yrs ago and not wasted another damn second on those pills. You are stronger than you know.

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If you fill it you won’t flush them. Or at least I wouldn’t. I’d tell myself it was for emergency etc then take it to clean the closet  because feeling like shit is an “emergency” for me.  
 

It sounds like it’s a script that’s already at the pharmacy so disregard my tear it up idea... ugh that’s so tough. Do you have anyone that can go with you to pick it up and then they take it home to flush? Sounds ridiculous but if you just want that temptation gone so it’s not available to you 

 

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5 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

you need to stop thinking of Adderall as a tool - there is NOTHING you NEED Adderall to do for you!!!

Thank you- I definitely needed to hear that

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4 hours ago, m34 said:

Tear them up and never look back. Thank God he retired. Now it will be harder for you to go through the process. Depending on your state you will have to get re tested etc.  Just remember filling that script will only help you in the short term. You will be right back where you started. No judgement here... just total understanding either way. Not sure how I’d handle it either. If I didn’t tear them up and soak those scripts in water I’d prob fill them( lol if it’s an electronic script then idk) . it’s worth it to just keep walking through hell and not go back. you may get sucked into the cycle for another damn yr. Read your posts when you first quit, or if you wrote in a journal read about why you quit in the first place. The anxiety the pains all the bad parts of adderall that made you give it up.  How bad it was in the end of your use. That’s right where you will be again 

I wish to God I went through this yrs ago and not wasted another damn second on those pills. You are stronger than you know.

 

 
 
 
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4 hours ago, m34 said:

If you fill it you won’t flush them. Or at least I wouldn’t. I’d tell myself it was for emergency etc then take it to clean the closet  because feeling like shit is an “emergency” for me.  

 

LOL...yes that definitely sounds like me. I think I just need to grasp the mindset that I am now a non-stimulant user. And with that title, I do not take stimulant medication. This is how I had to think of myself when I quit smoking cigarettes (59 days today!). I am a non-smoker. I do not smoke cigarettes any longer (although the psychological cravings are still torture)

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11 hours ago, DelaneyJuliette said:

I have this struggle regularly

 

Really, it's the worst. My mind just keeps racing and ruminating the same thought! Fill...don't fill...fill...it's driving me crazy. There really is not much I can do about it though. The pharmacist already thinks I am abusing my script so hopefully, she won't even fill it if I ask.

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@sweetupbaaby I too have found that telling myself I don't use Adderall (or any other drugs) has helped. For me the difference between I don't and I can't is huge. I don't makes my quitting a positive part of my identity. Telling myself I can't tends to make me irritable because I feel like something I want is being withheld from me. Whenever I am having a really hard day dwelling on a temptation to use, usually I am telling myself I can't use Adderall.

The truth is we all can use if we would like. We have the freedom to use, but we also have the freedom to not use. The question is, how are we going to use our freedom? Do we want freedom to use Adderall, or freedom from Adderall? I hope you don't fill the script, you have a few weeks behind you now and that's not worth giving up. Good luck on your continued journey!

 

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3 hours ago, DrewK15 said:

@sweetupbaaby For me the difference between I don't and I can't is huge. I don't makes my quitting a positive part of my identity. Telling myself I can't tends to make me irritable because I feel like something I want is being withheld from me. Whenever I am having a really hard day dwelling on a temptation to use, usually I am telling myself I can't use Adderall.

 

So true. This really resonated with me and gave me that extra push that I needed today. Thanks!!! 

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