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JennyF

Almost 11 Months!

7 posts in this topic

Hi everyone,

It’s been 10 months and 3 weeks since I took my last pill of adderall.  I took somewhere between 60mg and 80mg both IR and XR even though I was prescribed only 30mg XR and 15mg IR a day.  I was on it for 5 years. 

I just wanted to hop on here and thank everyone for their posts and for sharing super valuable information.  I am 100% confident that I would’ve not made it this far if it wasn't for this forum.

I also wanted to share a few things that have helped me this far and that could help you:

1. Lower your expectations on how you are going to feel and your productivity for the FIRST ENTIRE YEAR.  Since my last pill I have had more bad days than good.  Months 1 - 3 were hard BUT 4 - 9 were unbearable.  The anxiety, the depression, the exhaustion, the anhedonia are incredible.  Getting close to 11 months I'm finally starting to feel a little productive and happier (some days :))

2. Put your recovery FIRST.  No matter how much pressure you feel to be productive or get out of bed, always think that nothing is more important than your recovery and that the ONLY way to recover is going through this process, giving it TIME. I have done the absolute minimum during this time and I have come to terms with it.

3. Do not put ANY pressure on yourself.  Many times I felt that I needed to get out of bed and be productive or go to the gym (I gained a lot of weight) or do laundry when I felt like doing nothing.  I would get so frustrated and that made me want adderall even more.  DON’T fall for this.  You are in a temporary process, just go with the flow.

4. Educate yourself - understand PAWS: Knowing what is happening to your brain and your body is SUPER important. Through my recovery I have had more PAWS days than good days but they are finally starting to ease up. People relapse thinking that they are going crazy and that they’ll never be able to function like a normal person again but that’s not true.

5. Weight gain: I was so hard on myself for gaining 30lbs but you shouldn't.  Just accept it and know that this is temporary and you’ll be able to lose the weight once your energy returns. I’m slowly starting to lose it now that I have more energy to exercise and no longer have the crazy hunger. 

I hope this helps some of you. And remember… there is  NO OTHER WAY out than going through it so you just have to keep going! 

 

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Thank you for posting this. This is new to me. I thought that maybe all of the negative feelings I was having indicated that I had no choice but to stay on stimulants to be an effective adult. Reading this helps me to remember that its going to be difficult and that being kind to myself is vital.

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On 5/28/2020 at 10:14 AM, JennyF said:

Hi everyone,

It’s been 10 months and 3 weeks since I took my last pill of adderall.  I took somewhere between 60mg and 80mg both IR and XR even though I was prescribed only 30mg XR and 15mg IR a day.  I was on it for 5 years. 

I just wanted to hop on here and thank everyone for their posts and for sharing super valuable information.  I am 100% confident that I would’ve not made it this far if it wasn't for this forum.

I also wanted to share a few things that have helped me this far and that could help you:

1. Lower your expectations on how you are going to feel and your productivity for the FIRST ENTIRE YEAR.  Since my last pill I have had more bad days than good.  Months 1 - 3 were hard BUT 4 - 9 were unbearable.  The anxiety, the depression, the exhaustion, the anhedonia are incredible.  Getting close to 11 months I'm finally starting to feel a little productive and happier (some days :))

2. Put your recovery FIRST.  No matter how much pressure you feel to be productive or get out of bed, always think that nothing is more important than your recovery and that the ONLY way to recover is going through this process, giving it TIME. I have done the absolute minimum during this time and I have come to terms with it.

3. Do not put ANY pressure on yourself.  Many times I felt that I needed to get out of bed and be productive or go to the gym (I gained a lot of weight) or do laundry when I felt like doing nothing.  I would get so frustrated and that made me want adderall even more.  DON’T fall for this.  You are in a temporary process, just go with the flow.

4. Educate yourself - understand PAWS: Knowing what is happening to your brain and your body is SUPER important. Through my recovery I have had more PAWS days than good days but they are finally starting to ease up. People relapse thinking that they are going crazy and that they’ll never be able to function like a normal person again but that’s not true.

5. Weight gain: I was so hard on myself for gaining 30lbs but you shouldn't.  Just accept it and know that this is temporary and you’ll be able to lose the weight once your energy returns. I’m slowly starting to lose it now that I have more energy to exercise and no longer have the crazy hunger. 

I hope this helps some of you. And remember… there is  NO OTHER WAY out than going through it so you just have to keep going! 

 

Jenny, thank you so much for sharing. This is hitting very close to home for me, especially your point #3. I am on day 40 and have been really hard on myself for my lack of productivity. The pandemic has caused me to lose my job, and most days I have barely any energy even to do my own dishes. I’m the type of guy that worked 60+ hour weeks, went to school and worked full time, I’m so used to getting things “done”, so when I’m not, it’s a challenge to not to go into this mindset of feeling worthless. You are right, I have to be realistic about what’s really happening, my brain is repairing itself, and it’s not productive to berate myself for not being productive.

How do you feel now, compared to when you were taking the adderrall? 

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On 7/23/2020 at 5:10 PM, EthericTraveler said:

Jenny, thank you so much for sharing. This is hitting very close to home for me, especially your point #3. I am on day 40 and have been really hard on myself for my lack of productivity. The pandemic has caused me to lose my job, and most days I have barely any energy even to do my own dishes. I’m the type of guy that worked 60+ hour weeks, went to school and worked full time, I’m so used to getting things “done”, so when I’m not, it’s a challenge to not to go into this mindset of feeling worthless. You are right, I have to be realistic about what’s really happening, my brain is repairing itself, and it’s not productive to berate myself for not being productive.

How do you feel now, compared to when you were taking the adderrall? 

Hi @EthericTraveler, sorry to hear that you lost your job but congrats on day 40! The first month is not easy. 
 

I’d say I feel much better now than when I was on Adderall. I’m a week away from 13 months. I no longer have cravings and my energy and productivity are much better. Unfortunately, the anhedonia is still pretty bad and I also get waives of depression. I try to stay very connected with the forum and read from other people’s experiences.  It gives me hope and helps me to keep going. I’m hopeful that things will get better at 18 and then at 24 months.  
 

When I was on Adderall I thought I was being super productive and thought that I could not function without it. Looking back it was just the drug talking. All that waisted time on meaningless things could’ve been used in a more efficient way.  I used to work 60+ hour weeks like you and I’d take really high doses of Adderall. I lost interest and enjoyment for everyday life. All I wanted to do was work and be “fake productive”. Now that I’m trying to get my life back and the enjoyment for the little things it does not even cross my mind to go back on Adderall. I was done with living numb life. 
 

This has been the hardest year of my life but I am NOT going back no matter what :) 
 

Good luck!

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Thank you for posting this @JennyF you made me feel much better...........I 'm on Month 5 of quitting a 15 year Vyvanse addiction and it feels like an eternity. My lack of motivation and confidence at work have been pretty hard on me these past few days.  I feel so unproductive and get panic attacks just thinking this might be permanent.  I do have good days when I'm productive but sometimes weeks go by without good days so I get frustrated.  Then this is followed by me feeling that I have become a lazy bum when I have done many great projects before.  I'm surviving my job with the bare minimum but I still get depressed  that I'm no longer "superman".  Question:  Have you experienced mental fog/forgetfulness/extreme distractions as part of your PAWS?  Since I took my meds for so long, I can't remember if this is actually my old self (ADHD) or simply PAWs just doing its thing?

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On 8/3/2020 at 5:04 PM, Civilengr2020 said:

Thank you for posting this @JennyF you made me feel much better...........I 'm on Month 5 of quitting a 15 year Vyvanse addiction and it feels like an eternity. My lack of motivation and confidence at work have been pretty hard on me these past few days.  I feel so unproductive and get panic attacks just thinking this might be permanent.  I do have good days when I'm productive but sometimes weeks go by without good days so I get frustrated.  Then this is followed by me feeling that I have become a lazy bum when I have done many great projects before.  I'm surviving my job with the bare minimum but I still get depressed  that I'm no longer "superman".  Question:  Have you experienced mental fog/forgetfulness/extreme distractions as part of your PAWS?  Since I took my meds for so long, I can't remember if this is actually my old self (ADHD) or simply PAWs just doing its thing?

Hi @Civilengr2020, congrats on 5 months! 
 

I did experience a LOT of mental fog, super low motivation and wasn’t able to concentrate months 1 - 9 (with a few good days here and there) I did the absolute minimum at work. I decided that I wasn’t going to feel bad about it because my recovery was and still is my number 1 priority.  Two things that helped me were accepting the situation, lowering my productivity expectations (as this is a temporary process), and taking advantage of the productive days/times to get as much done as I could. 

I am still forgetful at times but nothing like before. It does get better but you need to give it at least a year. All of those symptoms you mention is just your brain trying to adjust without the drug. I have felt them all and I was so so discouraged thinking that’s how I was going to feel for the rest of my life but it wasn’t. I hit 13 months 2 days ago and I feel a million times better. Although not 100% just yet. 
 

I try to stay super close to this forum and read posts from older members. That helped me realize that I wasn’t losing my  mind. Read up @Cassie posts. She’s no longer active but she shared a lot of useful information. 
 

You got this! You’re almost half way through the worst. Keep going! 

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2 hours ago, JennyF said:

Hi @Civilengr2020, congrats on 5 months! 
 

I did experience a LOT of mental fog, super low motivation and wasn’t able to concentrate months 1 - 9 (with a few good days here and there) I did the absolute minimum at work. I decided that I wasn’t going to feel bad about it because my recovery was and still is my number 1 priority.  Two things that helped me were accepting the situation, lowering my productivity expectations (as this is a temporary process), and taking advantage of the productive days/times to get as much done as I could. 

I am still forgetful at times but nothing like before. It does get better but you need to give it at least a year. All of those symptoms you mention is just your brain trying to adjust without the drug. I have felt them all and I was so so discouraged thinking that’s how I was going to feel for the rest of my life but it wasn’t. I hit 13 months 2 days ago and I feel a million times better. Although not 100% just yet. 
 

I try to stay super close to this forum and read posts from older members. That helped me realize that I wasn’t losing my  mind. Read up @Cassie posts. She’s no longer active but she shared a lot of useful information. 
 

You got this! You’re almost half way through the worst. Keep going! 

Thank you Jenny....I appreciate your comment.  I'll definitely be reading @cassie posts.  Have a great day!

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