Bad Day...:( 59 days clean could use some support

[happyinthepresentmoment]

Hey guys, 

I'm excited to join the gang here! I have been adderral free since May 8, 2020. I believe that is 59 days...wow talk about an achievement! I do not crave the adderral anymore...only one time when I was taking an exam. 

However my cravings for alcohol have gone up. I am going to commit to going alcohol free for at least 30 days...I want to go longer but I am going to take it one day at a time. Has anyone given up alcohol as well as adderral? any advice? I feel like I do not have fun anymore sober. I hung out with a friend on the 4th of July and we went kayaking (sober) and I was getting so annoyed by her. She is a truly genuinely nice and supportive person but I did not enjoy her company that much. She was making comments like "The water is so blue" and talking a lot and laughing. I was getting annoyed. What is wrong with me? Why am I getting annoyed by small comments about life? Why cant I just go with the flow and relax like a normal person? 

What am I supposed to do now that I do not have many close friends and have quit drinking? How do I find fun and enjoyment in my life again? How do I figure out what I even enjoy doing besides drinking? 

Does it get better? I feel so alone. How do I make friends in this current enviornment? I want more support. I am not close to my family. And virtually is not the same.  

Also, yesterday my coworker tested positive for covid. I was around him on Wednesday. I'm not going to get tested as it would make me even more anxious. I am going to work from home for 2 weeks. I have no motivation to work. I'm in a sales job and no one is interested in my product due to this enviornment and especially now that I am off the addy I don't have as much motivation to even work. 

Also I am dealing with a lot of body shame. I went to whole foods yesterday and bought all nutritious foods yesterday. I went in with the intention of eating very nutritiously today and making eggs this morning then BAM....power went out. It lasted for about 45 minutes. I started binge eating this morning even though it was nutritious foods, I ended up eating too much. Now I am stuck in this horrific cycle of self guilt and shame. My anxiety, patience, and anger is through the roof! I tried to meditate but I couldn't. I was just way too mad. Binge eating does help me numb the pain and so does alcohol. Meditation does not help as much. 

It's rough. How do you guys deal with the anxiety, depression, and anger without using alcohol or drugs? 

[sweetupbaaby]

Welcome to the forums. I am right there along there with you...I am 64 days clean from an 80-240 mg XR daily habit and my quit date was May 3rd. I'm excited to hear about your journey to becoming free from Adderall. This is a great community to open up to and receive feedback and advice about daily problems and concerns. Make yourself comfortable.  

I was addicted to opiates and benzos in my earlier years but managed to get clean through suboxone, and then eventually went off that. Between March of this year up until now, I have given up alcohol, weed, cigarettes, Adderall, and a pretty nasty cocaine habit simultaneously. (I am not trying to brag... this is just what it is. I had planned to do for a long time) I was experiencing severe psychotic manifestations from constant stimulant abuse and I dedicated myself to becoming clean from all mind-altering substances. It has been a lot of ups and downs, a lot of depressed and unbareable days, some 'ok' days and a few great days. The bad days are more prevalent than the good ones as of right now, but based on others experiences- things do get better! I try to remember that every state of mind I am in is temporary and to not attach myself to it as something permanent, because it won't be here forever. I just try to observe my thoughts, my emotions, and my mood as passing clouds...not attaching, just observing (sounds corny, but mindfulness is truly so powerful).

At times, I get these 5 second moments of hope where I think "yeah....I can really do this, everything is going to be fine" I hold on to those moments of excitement and hope, they get me by even on my worst days.

I have suffered anxiety and depression most of my teenage and adult life, I use to cope with this by using drugs and drinking excessively. Now, I force myself to work out on a daily basis, make sure to keep a consistent sleep schedule (for me it's early to bed, early to rise), keeping my eating as clean as can be and just over-all taking care of myself in every aspect. I make self-care and recovery my number one priority, every day. I struggle with anger and a hot temper, lifting weights and kick-boxing has been a lifesaver for cooling down. I empathize with getting annoyed with everything everyone does. I still feel that way and generally have no tolerance for anything that is slightly irritating to me. I'm hoping as I grow in recovery, this too will change, but I feel like this has always been my personality lol

Binge-eating was a problem for me too, until I stepped on the scale and realized I gained 30 pounds in 6 months! That's when I really started to dedicate myself to clean eating and exercise. So far I am losing weight, and nothing feels better than being fit and healthy and in shape. When it comes to losing weight- portion control and drinking water throughout the day to curb hunger would be my biggest advice! Do you know the body often mistakes thirst for hunger? A lot of the time that we think we are hungry, we are actually thirsty, so instead of snacking I started drinking water instead and there is a huge difference in the amount of food I eat now. Honestly, for me, I joined WW and it's been a Godsend for keeping me on track!

Trust me, I completely empathize with everything you're saying, just be patient and take everything day by day. Don't worry about how you will feel tomorrow, 2 weeks or in 6 months. Just focus on the day in front of you. Anything beyond that will burn you out.

Wishing you the best of luck!

God bless

[happyinthepresentmoment]

On 7/6/2020 at 5:40 PM, sweetupbaaby said:

Welcome to the forums. I am right there along there with you...I am 64 days clean from an 80-240 mg XR daily habit and my quit date was May 3rd. I'm excited to hear about your journey to becoming free from Adderall. This is a great community to open up to and receive feedback and advice about daily problems and concerns. Make yourself comfortable.  

I was addicted to opiates and benzos in my earlier years but managed to get clean through suboxone, and then eventually went off that. Between March of this year up until now, I have given up alcohol, weed, cigarettes, Adderall, and a pretty nasty cocaine habit simultaneously. (I am not trying to brag... this is just what it is. I had planned to do for a long time) I was experiencing severe psychotic manifestations from constant stimulant abuse and I dedicated myself to becoming clean from all mind-altering substances. It has been a lot of ups and downs, a lot of depressed and unbareable days, some 'ok' days and a few great days. The bad days are more prevalent than the good ones as of right now, but based on others experiences- things do get better! I try to remember that every state of mind I am in is temporary and to not attach myself to it as something permanent, because it won't be here forever. I just try to observe my thoughts, my emotions, and my mood as passing clouds...not attaching, just observing (sounds corny, but mindfulness is truly so powerful).

At times, I get these 5 second moments of hope where I think "yeah....I can really do this, everything is going to be fine" I hold on to those moments of excitement and hope, they get me by even on my worst days.

I have suffered anxiety and depression most of my teenage and adult life, I use to cope with this by using drugs and drinking excessively. Now, I force myself to work out on a daily basis, make sure to keep a consistent sleep schedule (for me it's early to bed, early to rise), keeping my eating as clean as can be and just over-all taking care of myself in every aspect. I make self-care and recovery my number one priority, every day. I struggle with anger and a hot temper, lifting weights and kick-boxing has been a lifesaver for cooling down. I empathize with getting annoyed with everything everyone does. I still feel that way and generally have no tolerance for anything that is slightly irritating to me. I'm hoping as I grow in recovery, this too will change, but I feel like this has always been my personality lol

Binge-eating was a problem for me too, until I stepped on the scale and realized I gained 30 pounds in 6 months! That's when I really started to dedicate myself to clean eating and exercise. So far I am losing weight, and nothing feels better than being fit and healthy and in shape. When it comes to losing weight- portion control and drinking water throughout the day to curb hunger would be my biggest advice! Do you know the body often mistakes thirst for hunger? A lot of the time that we think we are hungry, we are actually thirsty, so instead of snacking I started drinking water instead and there is a huge difference in the amount of food I eat now. Honestly, for me, I joined WW and it's been a Godsend for keeping me on track!

Trust me, I completely empathize with everything you're saying, just be patient and take everything day by day. Don't worry about how you will feel tomorrow, 2 weeks or in 6 months. Just focus on the day in front of you. Anything beyond that will burn you out.

Wishing you the best of luck!

God bless

Thank you so much. Great to meet you! Are you taking any medication to deal with the anxiety and depression? I was on Wellbrutrin before adderal and I am thinking of going back. It is so hard to stay sane and sober...lol.  The mindfulness advice is great...I am working so hard to put that in practice. It's true some days are better than others and the crippling depression comes and goes. 

That makes me feel good to know that I'm not the only know who gets annoyed easily. That was me on the adderral I'm not sure if it's my true personality or not. I am having trouble remembering who I was without the addy.

You're right about drinking water! Thanks for the reminder I just took a big sip. Kick boxing sounds like fun - I want to try that out.

God bless and am genuinely wishing you the best of luck too! 

 

[sweetupbaaby]

3 hours ago, happyinthepresentmoment said:

Thank you so much. Great to meet you! Are you taking any medication to deal with the anxiety and depression? I was on Wellbrutrin before adderal and I am thinking of going back. It is so hard to stay sane and sober...lol.  The mindfulness advice is great...I am working so hard to put that in practice. It's true some days are better than others and the crippling depression comes and goes. 

That makes me feel good to know that I'm not the only know who gets annoyed easily. That was me on the adderral I'm not sure if it's my true personality or not. I am having trouble remembering who I was without the addy.

You're right about drinking water! Thanks for the reminder I just took a big sip. Kick boxing sounds like fun - I want to try that out.

God bless and am genuinely wishing you the best of luck too! 

 

My personal experience with anti-depressants and/or SSRI's is that they made me very foggy, extremely fatigued, and not to mention they took forever to start working. I was on Lexapro and Effexor for a few years at a time and they made me suicidal so I came off them. I also experienced horrible anxiety on these medications and really bad bouts of sleep paralysis!

I used to be prescribed 2mg of alprazolam (Xanax) daily and then switched to 2mg of clonazepam daily for anxiety relief. Then I went to rehab and came off all medication. However, I think I am in a good spot now to go back on a low dose of alprazolam. I found, personally, that clonazepam relief lasted longer than Xanax, and a low daily dose just takes the edge of my crippling social anxiety. It truly was a lifesaver for me and was the only thing that allowed me to calm down in social situations. I have to be very careful with benzos because I gain a tolerance pretty quickly. After a while, I was just popping them like smarties. Lol I think I will get a prescription from my doctor and let a family member disperse my daily amount to me. At this point in recovery, I don't trust myself.

I now attending EMDR therapy for PTSD and trauma treatment, I have really high hopes for this type of treatment based on my first few sessions.