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sweetupbaaby

Success

3 posts in this topic

Not to brag, but I'm honestly so damn proud of myself. I'm proud because I show up to do the work that no one wants to do. I am so empathetic towards anyone who feels the need to escape reality. Life is hard. People cope by checking out and numbing the pain. I use to do that too. I could easily numb myself by continuing to take stimulants to distract myself from reality. I could continue to smoke cigarettes because I love nicotine. I could continue to drink alcohol because it makes me more fun to be around. I could continue to smoke weed because it makes me forget about my problems. I could continue to bang rails at work because I love being high. I could continue to pop percs because I love feeling mellow. I could continue to pop Xanax because God knows my anxiety is through the roof.

These are all addictions I have struggled with in my life. I could easily check out and save myself the pain of feeling my emotions. But I have been choosing to face reality- scared shitless, anxious and depressed, confused, isolated and alone, with no chemical crutch. If anything, it's taught me to be resourceful, adaptive, resilient and one badass bitch. I refuse to be a slave to my addiction any longer. For me, I don't see it any other way. I choose death or I choose life.

I have to make the decision each and every day to not let my temptations drag me away. It's been hella hard, I have relapsed more than once and some days it takes all of me not to pick up one of these things.

I am happy to say I am currently completely sober. I started my first day of work today. I was so anxious about not having my Addy crutch, but I grew a pair and went to work completely sober. This is a milestone for me. I knew I only needed one day to prove to myself I could do it. I'm tired ASF but I survived.

Keep pushing my friends. If an addict like me can get clean- I am absolutely positive every single one of you can too.

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