taryn

trying to quit. scared and need tips!

4 posts in this topic

hi guys! i’m new to this site and i’m so glad i’ve found it. i’ve spent countless nights looking up all my adderall related questions & concerns on reddit. a little background info about me: my name is taryn. i’m 24 and i’ve been on adderall for about 4 years for my depression. i’m a full time student and i work full time. at first it did wonders and now it’s my worst enemy. i started off with a script of 30mg as needed. i’d take it on and off. didn’t feel much of an attachment. sometimes i wouldn’t even pick up my script. 4 years later i’m finishing my script in 2 weeks. i’m embarrassed, ashamed and hate the person i’ve become. adderall has helped me with maintaining good grades in college but that’s really the only good that has come out of it. well, that and the energy it gave me to go above and beyond at work. the binging and lack of control is sending me in a downward spiral. i feel like i am not progressing in life. i feel like each day that passes feels no different than the day prior. i feel robotic. i take anywhere from 60-120mg a day. i take such an excessive amount that it doesn’t even help me with work or school. i’m too scatterbrained. yet, i still do it. the come down is awful. the nausea from not eating all day, the headaches and the inability to sleep are ruthless. over time i’ve noticed other changes like little/no sex drive, dental problems (which were non existent prior to adderall!), change in personality and overall mood. it’s starting to get in the way of my relationship. i feel like i don’t have control over my life and it feels awful. i feel like a slave. i’ve been under the impression that adderall was helping my depression for years but just recently i’ve realized it’s making it worse. i want to stop for good.  when i’m off my script for 2 weeks, i finally start to feel good and maybe even normal? the first few days it’s hell but then it gets a little easier. i couldn’t tell you why i go every month to get my script after seeing how i am without it. it doesn’t make sense to me. even after gaining that sense of “normalcy”, i still crave adderall and am counting down the days until my refill. every month i tell myself it’ll be different and it never is.

tomorrow i’m officially stopping cold turkey. i just refilled my script the other day and downed 90mg after being off for 2 weeks. i didn’t sleep and felt so sick at work that I had to go home. i went home and cried. i felt like a complete failure. i don’t want to ween off of it and keep stringing myself along. i’m looking for tips or words of encouragement. what helped you when you quit adderall? what’s the best thing about being sober? i’m worried i won’t be able to control myself. i really just don’t want this anymore.

thanks in advance, i’m glad i found this website 

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Hi! I’m new to this site as well and my experience is really really similar, and sounds like we’re in really similar places now at this point. I’d love to talk more about everything, if you’re interested please send me a dm!

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hi @taryn

your story is very familiar to us - you're in the right place, so welcome!

it's interesting that you were prescribed Adderall for depression - sounds kind of dangerous, but of course i'm not your doctor (or a doctor at all). your story sounds like a classic case of chasing the high, but at least you've recognized the danger before you chase it off a cliff!

On 8/22/2020 at 11:03 PM, taryn said:

what’s the best thing about being sober?

there are of course a lot of great things about being sober, but the biggest thing for me is emotional stability. especially with the on 2 off 2 week pattern of use, the roller coaster of emotions and needing to be "on" in order to do anything was completely unsustainable. i'd basically just postpone or procrastinate everything in my life until i got my refill again - but even that window of productivity or happiness shrank down to basically nothing.

i agree that tapering may not be suitable for you, especially given your pattern of use. normally coming off Adderall can be done safely cold turkey, but if your underlying depression is serious, you should really involve your doctor in this process.

gl and keep us posted! (:

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