DelaneyJuliette

My Committment

3 posts in this topic

Starting from NOW, I will not take more than prescribed in one day.   (Total of 40mg of Adderall and 2mg of Klonapin.) 

Starting from NOW, I will begin to taper very very very slowly.  (I know why it's not recommended, but again it is all I've got right now and if I don't do that than I won't do anything so I am going to try committing to that.  It has worked for me in the past.  I just have to be intentional.)  

Starting from NOW, I will write out a calendar with a realistic taper schedule.  I will follow it.  If I do not follow it, meaning, if by December I am still in the same place that I am in now, I will go to detox.  I can't even believe I just wrote that out loud lol.  I don't know how I am going to do this.  I am scared.  I am ambivalent.  I don't want to try.  I need to keep remembering the why behind the need to quit.  B/c right now it just feels like ... annoying that I'm super tired but that's about it.  I KNOW that is not the case - I have been trapped in the adderall world for the past 9 years.  (And before that for about 4... but then I did have a period of sobriety for a handful of years and it was really really good.)  I want to get back there.  So, I need to quit b/c I am trapped.  And I don't want to be trapped.  And even though getting off the meds makes me a crazy emotional mess, I am lying to myself if I don't admit that being on them also makes me that way.  I need to do this for myself, for my health, for my kids.  I need to be the role model I want to be, even if they don't know the details.  One day, I want to be able to talk to them about this as a thing of the past, not a thing I am still hiding.   I can do this.   

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On 8/29/2020 at 5:07 AM, DelaneyJuliette said:

And even though getting off the meds makes me a crazy emotional mess, I am lying to myself if I don't admit that being on them also makes me that way.

this is a powerful realization, be sure to remember it!

it's easy to glamorize and think fondly of Adderall when you're in recovery and the going gets tough - but the truth is that things were probably way worse on it.

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On 8/31/2020 at 4:42 PM, SleepyStupid said:

this is a powerful realization, be sure to remember it!

it's easy to glamorize and think fondly of Adderall when you're in recovery and the going gets tough - but the truth is that things were probably way worse on it.

 

On 8/31/2020 at 4:42 PM, SleepyStupid said:

this is a powerful realization, be sure to remember it!

it's easy to glamorize and think fondly of Adderall when you're in recovery and the going gets tough - but the truth is that things were probably way worse on it.

I feel like I don't know how to remember it.  :(

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